जाने दो

जाने दो उसको,
आखिर कब तब उन

लम्हो में रहोगे ?

वो लम्हा कब का 

गुजर चुका है। 

कब तक तुम 

उनको थामे बैठे रहोगे,

अरे जाने दो ना,
छोड़ो जो हुआ, 

जाने दो। 

वो जो डोर थी, वो 

दो लोगों को थामनी थी। 

उसने तो अपना सिरा 

यूँही गिरा दिया, 

और तुम हो कि
अभी भी वो 

डोर पकड़े बैठे हो। 

अरे हाथों में
छाले पड़ जायेंगे, 

छोड़ो उस डोर को। 

जाने दो जो हुआ 

छोड़ो,
जाने दो।

आखिर किस बात का डर तुम्हे,
दो कदम आगे तो बढ़ो यहाँ से,
बंधनो से आज़ाद करो खुद को। 
जो बीत गया वो,
जाने दो।
आगे काफी कुछ आएगा,
उनको जरा आने दो,

जो हुआ उसे जाने दो, 

चलो छोड़ो,
जाने दो।

दो कौड़ी

जब बीतते वक़्त के साथ
मैं खर्च होने लगा था, 
और जेबें खाली हो चली थी,

तो मेरे हर खर्चे पर 

तुम सवाल उठाने लगे थे।
मैं आखिर जवाब भी
दूँ, तो क्या दूँ तुम्हे ?
अरे, जब जिंदगी की कीमत
ही कौड़ियों में थी, तो
फिर उनको खर्चने के
बाद, आखिर बचा भी
होता तो क्या होता ?

सपने बुनने के लिए
जब मेरी जेब में रेशम
खरीदने के पैसे नहीं बचे,
तो मैंने फिर जिंदगी
बेचकर, दो कौड़ी में
अपने लिए एक सुकून
वाली कब्र खरीद ली थी ।

दो कौड़ी की इस जिंदगी

को मैंने फिर बख्श दिया,
उसे इस जिल्लत से भी
आज रिहाई दे दी थी। 

पर मैं ये कभी
समझ नहीं पाया कि,
दो कौड़ी की जिंदगी,
असल में,
शायद,
दो कौड़ी से
ज्यादा महंगी थी।

ऐसा पहली बार नहीं था

सुबह सुबह एक ख्याल से
आज मेरी नींद खुल गयी। 
ऐसा नहीं था कि मैंने फिर
सोने की कोशिश नहीं की,
पर नींद नहीं आती थी। 
मैं शायद फिर सोना ही
नहीं चाहता था। 
मुझे डर लगने लगा था,
सोते वक़्त आने वाले
उन सपनों से।
ऐसा पहली बार नहीं था,
पहले भी हो चुका था।

मुझे पता था मैंने जो
किया, वो गलत था,
मैं शायद सही कर
तो सकता था पर,
मैंने उसे टाल दिया था, 
ये सोचकर कि मेरे
अभी पास वक़्त है।
ऐसा पहली बार नहीं था,
मैं पहले भी ऐसा कर चुका था।

पर, इस बार मैं गलत था
मेरे पास वक़्त नहीं था।
बहुत देर कर दी
इस बार, बहुत देर।
वो चले गए फिर।
मैंने अपनी डायरी में
सब लिख तो दिया था,
पर,
किसी को कभी कुछ कहा नहीं।
ऐसा पहली बार नहीं था,
पहले भी मैं ऐसा कर चुका था।
शायद मुझे ऐसा
नहीं करना चाहिए था। 

आज वो दिन नहीं है

उसने पूछा तुम्हारी

इतनी सारी कविताऍं हैं, 

एक किताब लिखने का 

क्यूँ नहीं सोचते हो ?

मैं कहता, 

मैं तो बस हताशा में, 

इस जहाँ के बेबाक से 

नियमों से, रीति-रिवाज़ों से,

परेशां होकर, हार कर, 

उसके सामने घुटने टेक कर,

आत्म-समर्पण करने के बाद,

खुद से चल रहे संघर्ष से 

थक कर चूर होने के बाद 

ही कुछ लिख पाता हूँ। 

जिस दिन मैं इन सब से 

थोड़ा ऊपर उठ कर,

जब मुझे इन सब की 

या तो आदत हो जायेगी, 

या परवाह नहीं होगी, 

या फिर जब मैं 

वास्तव में खुश

होकर लिखूंगा,

वो दिन होगा, जब 

मैं किताब भी लिखूंगा 

पर,

आज वो दिन नहीं है,

आज वो दिन नहीं है।

निर्णय

एक बहुत कठिन चुनाव
करना पड़ेगा मुझे
और शायद तुम्हे भी,
शायद आज,
शायद कल,
या फिर शायद हर एक दिन।
एक बेहतर कल के लिए
आज शायद मटमैला हो,
पर साफ़ गगन तो
बादलों से भरे हुए
उस काले आसमां के
बरसने के बाद ही आता है।

या तो तुम मेरे इस
कड़वे सच का एक
आखिरी घूँट पी जाओ,
या फिर तुम चाहो तो
मीठे झूठ का मधुमेह
ले जी लो तुम।
मधु की वो बूँदें बहुत
मीठी तो लगेंगी,
पर मधुमेह तुम्हे वो
अंदर ही अंदर और
खोखला करता जाएगा।
निर्णय तुम्हारा है।

कहना तो बहुत कुछ चाहती हूँ
तुमसे और शायद खुद से भी,
तुम जब मुझसे मेरा हाथ
मांगते हो, तो मैं भी
एक पल के लिए ही सही
सब भुला कर तुम्हारे
साथ जीना चाहती हूँ,
तुम्हारे हाथों में हाथ डाले
बारिशों में भीगना चाहती हूँ,
तुम्हारे सिरहाने सर रखके
बेफिक्र सोना चाहती हूँ,
पर मैं ऐसे रिश्ते
नहीं बना नहीं सकती
जिनको मैं निभा ना सकूँ।  

अकेले ही चल पड़ा

जिंदगी का ये जो सफर है,
उसमे हमेशा तुम्हे एक
चुनाव करना पड़ेगा,
किसी के साथ चलो
या फिर दूर तक चलो।

मैं दूर तक जाने की
तलब रखने वालों में से हूँ,
पर, मुझे अकेला चलना
भी अखरता है।
अकेले चलने की
आदत में, मैं
शून्यता की ओर चल पड़ा। 
वैसे तो मुझे तब कुछ
पता भी नहीं पड़ा,
मैं खेल के नियमानुसार
अकेले ही चल पड़ा।

कल शनिवार को
काली बदरी वाली शाम में,
मैं बिना छाता लिए
यूँ ही निकल पड़ा।
फिर, एकांत में पार्क
में बैठा सोचने लगा,
क्या अकेला चलना सही है ?
तो अंदर से आवाज़ आयी,
वो फिर कभी सोचना,
अभी सही वक़्त नहीं है,
तुम खुश हो अकेले।
फिर मैं खेल के नियमानुसार,
हमेशा की तरह
अकेले ही चल पड़ा।

वो लैंप पोस्ट की
पीली धुंधली बत्ती
मुझे जैसे सहला रही थी,
कोई सवाल करने वाला नहीं,
कोई जवाब देने वाला नहीं,
वो सुनसान सड़क जैसे
मेरे सपनों का जहाँ था।
मैं खुद में मगन,
हँसता, मुस्कुराता,
खेल के नियमानुसार,
हमेशा की तरह
फिर अकेले ही चल पड़ा। 

एक दिन सोचा

कल एक काम
बाकी रह गया था,
आज याद आया,
तो सोचा
चलो कर आते हैं।

तुम्हारे जाने के बाद,
जब घर साफ़ कर रहा था,
एक तस्वीर मिली,
मेरे जैसी शक्ल का कोई
इंसान हंस रहा था उसमे,
तो सोचा
चलो हंस आते हैं। 

लोग आते जाते
सवाल पूछा करते थे,
मैं बुत बना देखा करता,
किंकर्त्तव्यविमूढ़,
तो सोचा एक दिन कि
चलो जवाब दे आते हैं

कश्मकश में मैं
हर वक़्त उलझा रहता,
ये करते वक़्त कभी
वो कर बैठता,
और वो करते वक़्त
कुछ और सोचता,
तो सोचा फिर मैंने कि
चलो सब छोड़ आते हैं

बहुत भाग दौड़ की, 
बहुत कुछ देखा और सुना।
फिर एक दिन थक गया मैं,
एक लम्बी सांस ली,
थोड़ी देर ठहरा,
और सोचा,
चलो अब मर जाते हैं। 

इतना कह कर

कभी कभी सोचती हूँ कि
मैं भी कुछ लिखूँ, पर...
पर इतना कह कर
वो रुक जाती फिर।
मैं सोचता था कि वो शायद
उसके आगे भी कुछ कहेगी,
पर वो कुछ नहीं कहती,
वो रुक जाती फिर |

एक दिन फिर से उससे पूछा,
तो उसने कहा तुम मुझसे
अलग सोचते हो।
मैं जो कुछ भी कहती हूँ,
उससे तुम जो लिखते हो,
वो मेरी सोच से
बिलकुल ही अलग है,
वो मेरी कविता से
अलग होता है।
पर इतना कह कर,
वो रुक जाती फिर।

मैंने भी एक दिन उससे
आखिर कह दिया,
सबकी सोच अलग होती है,
ये मेरा तरीका है,
सब एक जैसा सोचेंगे तो
फिर वो रोमांच कहाँ ?
ये मेरी कल्पना है। 
मैंने सोचा और कुछ कहूँ
पर, इतना कह कर
मैं रुक गया फिर।

शब्दों से वो तुम्हारा
शह और मात का खेल खेलना,
मैं एकटकी लगाए
तुम्हे सुनना चाहता हूँ।
शब्दों से जैसे खेलती हो,
तुम्हे उसपर नाज़
तो जरूर होगा। 
इस पर इतरा कर, वो
रुक जाती फिर,

और इतना कह कर,
मैं भी रुक गया फिर। 

गिनती

मुझे गिनती करने की लत है
वो पहला था
ये दूसरा है
वो तीसरा होगा
गिनती सीखी तो थी
पर गिनती गलत चीजों
की कर बैठा मैं

जब सावन आया
तो वो बोले हमसे
पहली बरसात है
भीगोगे नहीं इसमें ?
फिर दूसरी बरसात आती है
फिर तीसरी भी आयी
हर दफे वही बारिश होती है
एहसास अलग होता है थोड़ा
पर हम उसे गिनते हैं
गिनती करने की जो आदत है

हंसी का मुखौटा पहन कर तुम
गिनती के इस बाज़ार में आये
पहले वाले का पहलापन
ऐसे जकड़े बैठा था
कि दूसरे का दूसरापन
देखते उसे दूर ही कर दिया
वैसे दूसरा जो था, वो
अपने सरीखे पहला था

गिनती में मैंने सीखा था कि
पहले के बाद दूसरा आएगा
और दूसरे के बाद तीसरा
इसलिए गिनती गिनता गया
और आगे बढ़ता गया
ये जो गिनती करने की लत है
असल में, वो गलत है 

क्या मज़ाक है

अरे ये क्या मज़ाक है
बेमतलब बेबाक सी
ये ज़िंदगी है जो
बस चली जा रही है
ये हवा है जो
बहे जा रही है
ये लब्ज़ हैं जो
खोये जा रहे हैं
अरे अरे अरे
ये क्या मज़ाक है

ज्येष्ठ-बैसाख की गर्मी
और ये सूरज आज
गीले आँखों को
सूखा रहा है
या सूखे बंज़र मन
को ये और भी
जला रहा है
कुछ पता ही नहीं
चल रहा मुझे
अरे देखो न
अरे क्या मज़ाक है

आज भी बांसुरी
तुम्हारी वहीं रखी है
काठ की उस बांसुरी
में दीमक लग गयी
तुमने उसकी हिफाज़त
करने के बजाय
नयी खरीद ली
अरे ये कैसा जूनून है
अरे ये क्या मज़ाक है 

कहीं खो गयी है वो

कहीं खो गयी है वो लौ,
दीये और लालटेन की बत्ती
जलाने वाली वो लौ
कहीं खो गयी शायद
मैं ढूंढता हूँ
उस एक लौ को,
वो लौ कहीं नहीं मिलती
बिना उस लौ के
एक अँधेरा सा लगता है,
वो लौ खो गयी कहीं

लौ नहीं है तो, अब मैं
सितारों भरे उस आसमान
के नीचे लेट जाता हूँ
अँधेरा किसको पसंद है,
उजाला उतना तो नहीं
जितना उस लौ से था
पर, कुछ न होने से
अच्छा कुछ होना है
बिना उस लौ के
एक अँधेरा सा लगता है,
वो लौ खो गयी कहीं

क्या वो लौ अब भी
उतनी ही जगमग होगी ?
क्या कहीं तूफां के झोंकों में
वो लौ अब भी जलती होगी ?
पर, वो लौ तो मैंने शायद
कभी जलाई ही नहीं
वो लौ जो मेरी
कभी थी ही नहीं
शायद जिसका वजूद नहीं
उसका खो जाना ही अच्छा है
वो लौ खो गयी कहीं
पर,
ठीक है,
ठीक है,
ठीक है। 

कुछ तो गलत हो रहा

कुछ तो गलत हो रहा है,
तुम्हे तो सब पता है,
जान कर अनजान बनने की
तुम्हारी अदा मुझे मालूम है,
सच बताओ,
तुम्हे भी पता है ना,
कुछ तो गलत हो रहा |

वो जो दिख रहा,
उसके मायने नहीं,
और जो नहीं दिखा कभी,
उसके नाम पे झगड़ा हो रहा |
तुम्हे भी पता है ना,
कुछ तो गलत हो रहा |

हँसते कम हैं आजकल,
वक़्त बदल रहा,
हँसने को भी अब तू,
कसरत का नाम दे रहा |
तुम्हे भी पता है ना,
कुछ तो गलत हो रहा |

वहां तीसरे तल्ले पर,
सब कुछ शुरू से वापस
शुरू होने की एक क़वायद लिए
मैं सच्चाई की लाश को
ठिकाने लगा रहा |
तुम्हे तो पता ही होगा
क्या गलत हो रहा |

गुमशुदगी की रिपोर्ट

एक मिनट सर,
आपको थाने का
पता मालूम है क्या ?
एक रिपोर्ट लिखवानी है |
अच्छा, थाना पीछे रह गया ?
शुक्रिया, सही बात है
थाना तो पीछे छूट गया |

दरोगा साहेब, हमको इक
रपट लिखवानी है |
एक गुमशुदगी की
रपट लिख देंगे जरा
कौन गुम हो गया अब ?
कोई नाम, पता,
उम्र कुछ बताओ |

उम्र तो उसकी साहब
बहुत ज्यादा होगी,
करीबन करीबन सदियां |
पता तो नहीं मालूम उसका,
सोचा था हर जगह रहता होगा |

अरे क्या बकवास कर रहे हो ?
क्या नाम है उसका ?
इंसानियत नाम है साहब
इंसानियत के गुमशुदगी की
रिपोर्ट लिखवानी है जरा 

मुझे जाना होगा

मुझे जाना होगा
सभी तो जाते हैं,
इसमें नया क्या है
ऐसे क्यूँ देख रही हो ?
तुम भी तो जाओगी एक दिन
सब जाते हैं कभी न कभी

दूर से दौड़ कर आने वाली
समंदर की बलखाती लहरें भी
तो जाती हैं वापस
कहाँ ही रुकते हैं वो
चट्टानों से टकरा उसे समझ
आता है शायद कि ये सारी
उम्र यहाँ नहीं रह सकती

पूरे साल बाद वापस आने वाली
वो बरसात भी तो जाती है
हाँ, वापस आती है वो, पर,
पर वो, वो वाली बरसात नहीं होती
उसमे तुम नहीं होती हो
उसमे मैं कभी अकेला होता हूँ,
तो कभी कोई और होता है

कभी तुमने क्यूँ नहीं पूछा कि
मैं अब तक क्यों रुका रहा ?
पर छोड़ो यार,
कोई गिला नहीं,
मुझे अब जाना है
बरसो गड्ढे में जमा हुआ पानी,
पानी नहीं रहता
वो गंदा हो जाता है 

साथ नहीं रहेंगे

तुम रात बनना,
मैं दिन बनूँगा
हम दोनों कभी भी
एक साथ नहीं रहेंगे
पर, जब तुम जाने वाली होगी
और मैं आ रहा होऊंगा
या, जब तुम आने वाली होगी
और मैं जा रहा होऊंगा
वो शाम और भोर में
हम मिलेंगे जरूर, और
उस सन्नाटे में ऐसे मिलेंगे
कि, उससे सुन्दर शोर इस जहाँ ने
न पहले कभी सुना होगा
न पहले महसूस किया होगा

तुम ज़मीं बनना
मैं आसमा बनूँगा
हम दोनों के बीच
ज़मीन-ओ-आसमान  के
फासले होंगे
पर, क्षितिज पर
हम जरूर मिलेंगे
लोग हमारी मुलाक़ात को
देखेंगे, दंग रह जाएंगे
हम उस मुलाक़ात की
एक तस्वीर बनाएंगे फिर
ऐसी खुशनुमा तस्वीर जो
किसी ने कभी न सोची होगी
न किसी ने रंगी होगी

फिर, उस क्षितिज पर जब
वो डूबता हुआ सूरज
उगते हुए चाँद से मिलेगा
या, वो उगता हुआ सूरज
डूबते हुए चाँद से मिलेगा
और पूछेगा कैसी हो तुम?
बड़े वक़्त बाद मिलना हुआ
ये जहाँ तब खिल उठेगा
हम पल भर के लिए ऐसे मिलेंगे
पर हम दोनों कभी भी
साथ नहीं रहेंगे,
साथ नहीं रहेंगे |  

पसंद नहीं

मुझे मेरे नाम से मत पुकारो,
मुझे मेरा नाम पसंद नहीं
मेरे नाम के वो अक्षरों की
चुभती आवाज़ पसंद नहीं
वैसे तो मेरे घर के आगे मेरा नाम
लिखा है, मुझे मेरा घर पसंद नहीं
मेरी किताब के दाईं कोने पर
मेरा नाम लिख दिया मैंने,
मुझे मेरी किताब पसंद नहीं
नाम तो तुम्हारी चिट्ठी पर भी था
मेरा, पर मुझे अब तुम पसंद नहीं

जब शामियाने में बैठ गुजरे
कल के पन्ने पलट रहा था
तो मुझे एक मैं मिला
पर वो कोई और था
वो मैं नहीं था
नाम तो वही था मेरा
पर मैं अब मैं न था
वक़्त के साथ साथ
वक़्त की एक परत
चढ़ गयी थी मुझपे 
अब तो जैसे ऐसा था
कि मुझे मैं पसंद नहीं

ऋतू जब वसंत वाली थी
तो कलियाँ खिलने लगी थी
बगीचे में टिकोले भी आने लगे
पर बगीचे में कोई नहीं आया
मैं यूँ तो बगीचे का माली था
पर वो बगीचा खाली था
बरसो पहले लगाया वो झूला
सबा से आज भी झूल रहा था
मैं वहां कोने में बैठ चुपके से
अपना नाम भूल रहा था
बगीचा तो आज भी वहीँ है 
पर मुझे अब बगीचे में नहीं जाना
मुझे मेरा बगीचा पसंद नहीं

'WH' words

What

When

Why

How

Which

Where

Who ????

Who is this,

Where it came from

Which turn will it take

How do I find it

Why is this happening

Till When will this happen

What is this exactly

These ‘WH’ words

always been strange

Hidden in plain sight

Making us run around

the busy city streets

And they enjoy there

sitting on the shining

rich looking leather sofas

Snickering at our pity

These ‘WH’ words

always been strange

Brings us plethora of

unanswerable questions

And then they make us

dance on its own tune

Right in front of world

on this very stage

Like a puppet, being tilted

sometimes to the right,

and sometimes left

These ‘WH’ words

always been strange

क-क् वाले शब्द

क्या,
कब,
क्यूँ,
कैसे,
किधर,
कहाँ,
कौन ????

कौन है भला
कहाँ से आया
किधर को ले जाएगा
कैसे तलाशूँ उसको
क्यूँ हो रहा ये जो भी है
कब तक चलेगा ऐसा
क्या है ये आखिर
ये क-क् वाले शब्द
भी बड़े अजीब होते हैं

जाने कहाँ छुप कर
हमें बेतहाशा शहर के
हर कोने तक भगाते हैं
और खुद उस चमड़े के
रईस से सोफे पर बैठ
कहकहे लगाते हैं
ये क-क् वाले शब्द
भी बड़े अजीब होते हैं

जो अपने अंदर सवालों
का जत्था भर लाते हैं
और फिर मंच पर विराज
कठपुतलियों के माफ़िक़
नचाते है बस हमको
कभी दाईं ओर
तो कभी बाईं ओर
ये क-क् वाले शब्द
भी बड़े अजीब होते हैं 

बीच में

जिंदगी के इस पार और
जिंदगी के उस पार, उन
दो छोरों के बीच एक
शहर ऐसा भी था,
जो भरी भीड़ में
सबसे छुपा हुआ था
वो शहर जहाँ गए तो सभी थे,
पर जा कोई भी न पाया था
जिंदगी जी तो सभी ने थी
पर जी कोई न पाया था

तुम्हे पाने के उस पार, और
तुम्हे खो देने के इस पार
संग रहने की क़वायद हमने भी
कई मर्तबा कर ली
पाया तुम्हे तो कितनी देर तक था
पर पा कभी नहीं पाया था
तुम्हे पाने और ना पाने के बीच
कुछ हमने भी शायद पा लिया था

सूरज की उस चमक और
बादल के उस हलके अंधेर
के बीच, एक समां और भी था
क्षणभंगुर से गरज के साथ
वो बिजली चमकी तो थी
पर चमक फिर भी न पायी थी
वो बिजली जो दिखी तो सबको थी
पर शायद उसे देख कोई न पाया था

नींद

मैं नींद हूँ और मेरे भी

अपने अलग मिज़ाज़ हैं 

अपनी मर्जी का

मालिकाना हक़ है मुझे

मेरा मन जब करे

तब मैं आउंगी

ना मन करे तो

जो उखाड़ना है उखाड़ लो

नहीं आना मतलब

मुझे नहीं आना

अभी तो तुम जवान हो

मेरे बारे में मत सोचो

तुम सपनो का जाल बुनते रहो

बिना मेरे भी सपने आते हैं

मेरे वाले सपने जो हैं ना

वो गीले साबुन के बुलबुले हैं

हवा लगते ही फूट जायेंगे

सपना वो देखो जो तुम्हें 

मेरी याद ना आने दे

मेरी ख्वाहिश मत करो

मैंने बहुत दुनिया देखी है

मैं नींद हूँ

मैं बता रही हूँ

डरो मुझसे, डरो

एक दिन पूरी शिद्दत से

बोरिया बिस्तर लेकर आउंगी

हमेशा के लिए साथ रहने

फिर न कोई रास्ता होगा

और ना कोई रहगुजर

आखिरी नींद होगी तुम्हारी

बहुत लम्बी नींद

ऐसी गहरी नींद, जो तुम

जगाये न जागो

मैं वो नींद भी हूँ

कुछ बात करनी है

मुझे कुछ बात करनी है

पता नहीं क्या कहूंगा 

वो तो नहीं सोचा है 

पर तुमसे मिलना है

थोड़ी देर ही सही 

कुछ कहना है सिर्फ  

कुछ न कुछ छोटा सा बस 

मुझे कुछ बात करनी है

अगर कहने को कुछ ना हुआ 

तो थोड़ी देर बस खामोशी से 

तुम्हारे साथ चलना है 

गर वो भी नहीं सही तो 

साथ बैठ रहना तुम 

चंद पलों के लिए बस 

तुमको तक लेंगे चुपचाप 

पता नहीं क्या क्यूँ, 

पर मुझे कुछ बात करनी है

अरसा हो गया मुझे 

जाने कब आखिरी बार 

बात की थी मैंने,

कोई तो इधर आओ,

कुछ नहीं तो तुम ही कह लेना,

मैं कम से कम सुन लूंगा

फिर तुम्हें सुनने का

नाटक करने के बहाने, मैं भी 

चुपके से बीच में कुछ कह लूंगा, 

मैं भी ऐसे कुछ बात कर लूंगा
मुझे तो बस कुछ बात करनी है

भरोसे

हम तक़दीर के भरोसे बैठे थे
तक़दीर हमारे भरोसे थी
हमने सोचा रहमत होगी
और पासा पलट जायेगा
हम पासे के भरोसे थे और
पासा फेंके जाने के भरोसे

हवाएं चली, पत्ते धीमे धीमे हिले
उनकी कहानी पत्तों पे लिखी थी
पत्ते मौसम के भरोसे बैठे थे
पतझड़ गुजरेगा, बसंत आएगा
पीले पड़े पत्तों में हरियाली आएगी
उनकी कहानी पत्तों के भरोसे थी
और पत्ते मौसम के भरोसे बैठे थे

हाथों की लकीर देखते उम्र गुजर गयी
भरोसा किया इन लकीरों पे
उलझे-सुलझे, मोटी-पतली सी
उम्र गुजर गई और लकीर अब
धुंधला कर मिटने लगी है
तुम हमारे भरोसे बैठे थे
हम लकीरों के भरोसे बैठे थे 

कुछ छोटा सा

बड़े बड़े काम तो यार,

सभी करना चाहते हैं 

तुम कुछ अलग करो ना,

चलो आज कुछ छोटा ही 

सही, कुछ करते हैं बस 

एवरेस्ट चढ़ने की ख्वाहिश 

क्यों पाल रहे हो भला ,

पुराने दोस्त की दहलीज़ 

चढ़ लो यार, चलो आज 

कुछ छोटा सा करते हैं 

दुनिया बदलने के अरमान 

जाने कितने ले कर आये गए,

चलो आज खुद को बदलने के 

अरमान बनाते हैं, पूरा करते हैं 

चलो यार, चलो आज 

कुछ छोटा सा करते हैं 

क्या तुम भी बंगला गाड़ी पाने 

के फ़िराक़ में पड़े हुए हो, 

तुम कुछ अलग करो 

मन का सुकूं पा लो थोड़ा यार 

क्यों बड़ी चीजें करनी हैं, चलो

आज कुछ छोटा सा करते हैं 

ये अवार्ड-प्रोमोशन  और दुनिया 

जीतने की तमन्ना कई रखते हैं,

कभी दिल जीतने की ही सही 

तुम भी एक तमन्ना कर लो 

ज्यादा बड़ा ख्वाब क्यों,

आज कुछ छोटा कर लो यार 

भूख लगी है

रोटी दे दो न साहब
भूख लगी है

आप तो बड़े घर वाले हो
कितना स्वादिष्ट खाना खाते होंगे
वो क्या कहते हैं , छप्पन भोग
हाँ वही, लगाते होंगे
हमको तो दो वक़्त का खाना
भी नहीं मिल पा रहा
जो बच गया हो वही सही
रोटी दे दो न साहब
भूख लगी है

ये कैसी रोटी है, किस चीज की बनी
ये सफ़ेद रंग की ये रोटी
इसके ऊपर ये क्या मल रखा है
चमक सी रही है रोटी
ये लोग कैसी रोटी खाते हैं
सुना है इसको बटर-नान  कहते हो
चलो वही सही, बच गयी तो
कूड़े में क्यों फेक रहे हो
फिर आज भूखा सोना पड़ेगा
अरे रोटी दे दो न साहब
भूख लगी है

अरे ये चावल के दाने लम्बे कितने हैं
और ये ज़र्द रंग क्यों चढ़ा है इनपे
माँ, पता है ? उनके चावल में
सब्जियां भी साथ मिली होती हैं
साहब के लड़के से सुना कि
इसका नाम बिरयानी  है
चलो, कचरे के डब्बे से ही चुन लेंगे
आज भूखा नहीं सो पाउँगा
माँ, बहुत भूख लगी है

भगवान की मूरत के आगे
तुम ये जो बड़ी बड़ी मिठाइयाँ
ये मोदक, मिश्री, भर भर कलश दूध
उड़ेल रहे हो, उसमे थोड़ा
बस थोड़ा, हमको भी दे दो न
क्या चला जायेगा तुम्हारा
अरे रोटी दे दो न साहब
भूख लगी है 

उम्र हो चली है

झुर्रियाँ देखी है अपने चेहरे पर ?
हाथ की धुंधलाती लकीरें देखी
हैं ? उम्र हो चली है तुम्हारी

केशों का स्याहपन चला गया
जो थोड़ी फसल बची है , उसमे
सफेदी ही सफेदी बिखरी है
क्यों ? उम्र हो चली है तुम्हारी

लाठी भूल गए हो अपनी
चलना दुश्वार हो रहा होगा
जो, उम्र हो चली है तुम्हारी

ये उँगलियाँ दिख रही है? कितनी ?
अरे चश्मा लगाइये जनाब
वज़ह ? उम्र हो चली है तुम्हारी

किधर तलाश रहे अब आप, उफ्फ
याद भी कहाँ रहता है आपको
माथे पर से चश्मा नीचे सरकाइये
अब तो, उम्र हो चली है तुम्हारी

वैद्य और हकीम से फुर्सत कहाँ
मर्ज़ की तहकीकात और इलाज में
गुज़र रहा ये थोड़ा बाकी जो
वक्त , क्या है उम्र हो चली है तुम्हारी

सो जाइये, थम जाइये
कितना संघर्ष कीजियेगा
हालात बदलना आपके बस की बात नहीं
वो यूँ कि उम्र हो चली है तुम्हारी

अकेलापन

कुछ तो बात है इक इसमें, जो
कोई हो तो भी साथ रहे , और जो
कोई ना हो तो और भी पास आए

जाने कितने ज़माने आए-गए,
जाने कितने एहसास छू कर गुजर गए,
कितनी सदियाँ और कितने ही मौसम
गरज़-बरस, तरस भी गए
पर बस एक ये जिद पे अड़ा था,
जो न गुजरा, ना ही बिखरा
न टूटा, न छूटा, भले दम जो मेरा घूँटा
जो हर मोड़, हर कदम, हर एक दम
मेरे साथ टिका खड़ा रहा,  वो था
अकेलेपन का खूंटा

जिसे देखो वो अकेलेपन से दूर जाना चाहे
भाई , एक बात बता मुझे,
ऐसी क्या तक़लीफ़ तुझे इसमें नज़र आए
इस बेदर्द दुनियादारी सा तो नहीं है ना
सपने बुनता, दिखाता, झकझोरता नहीं है ना
मौसम के साथ रंग बदलता नहीं है ना
जो ये कल था, वही आज भी है
गर कल को कुछ हुआ भी तो,
कल को बस ये तुम्हारी ओर और बढ़ेगा
गले लगाएगा , और जोर से चिपकेगा
उम्र भर का भरोसा है इसपे हमको ज़नाब
भरे बाजार में तार-तार बेज़ार शर्म-ओ-सार नहीं करेगा 

ये आग में तपाया, चमकाया, खरा सोना है
तुम क्या जानो क्या ऐसे साथी का होना है
ये मेरा है, बस मेरा अपना, इसमें मेरा अपनापन
पूरे ज़माने से ये अकेला भिड़ेगा, ये
मेरा अकेलापन | 

Riots

The kid from village
Saw the glowing city,
With his gloomy eyes
Trying to adjust his pupils
To see from the darkness
Admiring the citylights
Thinking how rich are they
Never running out of fire

The teen from that house
Seeing through broken windows
Trying to see through
The thick black smoke
Looks towards the dark village
Covered in pitch silence
Thinking how lucky are they
Not going through this crisis.

The alleys, the lanes
Buses burnt in ashes
Crippled carts struggled
To stand straight, like
Those lives, hanging lives
Plethora of clouds in sky
But today, clouds did not rain
They smoked, smoked fire

She sat on the footpath
Eyes full of tears
Both hands on the head
Fingers buried deep
Inside those white hairs
Who saw through tons of seasons
Lost whole family, and, to what?
Those riots, why in the
Name of god, will you
Why will you do that
She asked, with breaking voice
Just to be answered pretty soon
The burning pole fell down.

Seen and Unseen

Seen the sun coming up the sky,
Never seen it heating by.

Seen the moon coming out in night,
Never thought, whom did it reunite.

Seen the flowers blooming in beauty,
Never seen the process of it being a cutie.

Seen the pitch darkness of caves,
Never seen, lonely how it behaves.

Seen the rivers flowing around the globe,
Never seen it ever coming to probe.

Seen greats in the peak of their glory,
Never seen their side of painful story.

Seen the mountains standing up rigid,
Never seen the lava been so livid.

Seen the thunders on the stage,
Never seen the blunders backstage.

Seen the pleasures coming along in life,
Never seen parents putting lives on knife.

Seen the life as it flowed across,
Never seen its untouched dross.

It

It starts,
It ends.
It brings smiles,
It cries foul.
It shouts out loud,
It stutters in silence.
It hurts,
It heals.
It imprisons,
It unchains.
It obstructs,
It guides.
It's familiar,
It's strange.
It's known,
It's unknown.
It isn't,
It is.

The Poisonous Elixir

As a child, you see things happening around you. There are a lot of things, some good, some bad, but where do you get the consciousness to decide what is good and what is bad. Maybe by the fact, the way people are getting affected by that thing, but again, how do you see thats a good feel or bad. Okay, leave that, its just like what came first, chicken or the egg. Somehow, the childhood shapes you, not exactly, but in a way, it tells you what is right and what is wrong. The things that you have seen, are not all though, which unfortunately, my friend you realise only when you step ahead in life. 

Just like everyone else, I too had my moments. I always thought, "hey! that man could have just done that thing and boom!!! things would have been different. Why did he choose to suffer the pain?" I thought that when my time comes, I will be there, standing out of crowd, making a difference (oh come on, stop laughing at me). I apparently tried to do that. This very blog was an attempt for same. I don't know if I really bring a change to anyone's mindset, but i would hope that i really do, and i'll be glad to do so.

I have seen people taking rash decisions, so I tried to learn calmness. Though I am far away to say that I have learnt it, I realise how in name of calmness, I chose to separate out from people. The calmness became silence, that was not exactly what I wanted to achieve.

I have seen people comparing one with another, and I said come on, why do you need to compare two persons. They are their own versions, and just to please one common person, why someone has to be like other one, I mean just why. I decided I wont do so, but here I am, working at a place which I took because someone else did a similar job which yields good money. In name of not comparing people, I stopped giving a damn about most of the people.

I saw people abandoning other people, the people they loved, because at some point of time they made some mistakes in their lives. I said, I will stand for the person I love. I did and understood why people chose to be with it.

What do you achieve trying to create elixir? The poison for yourself? Maybe, thats not all, and as I always say, thats not the complete picture. And I really hope, there is a good time coming ahead but they say it right, until unless you burn yourself, you are never going to get through the fire.There are 2 paths from here, either you choose to be done getting haunted for the philosophy you have advocated for, or you choose to stand up again and again, because its the ideology that you carry, defines you. You are what you choose to stand up against.

चार बातें

ज़माने ने चार बातें क्या कह दी ,
तुम तो ख़फ़ा ही हो गए हमसे ;
सवाल उमड़ रहा मेरे मनचले मन में ,
आखिर दोस्ती हमसे थी या ज़माने से।

वो सारी बातें तो यूँ  ही हवा सी ,
जैसे बस उड़ सी जाने दी तुमने ;
कभी फुरसत मिले तो सोचना ,
वो वक़्त जो बिताये साथ हमने।

पर छोड़ो अम्मा मियाँ, क्या ही कहना ,
क्या ख़ाक किसी पर आज भरोसा करना ;
रेत से भी बारीक यह सोच तुम्हारी,
अब क्या तुमको भी समझाना।

जाना है तो जाओ , क्या मुझको लेना देना
मैं कहता मैं जीता , और तू हारा, बेचारा ;
ज़माने ने चार बातें फिर हैं कह दी ,
पर ज़माने से अब क्या लेना हमारा ।

The Weight

Do you remember the old school days, when we used to be so young, energetic, enthusiastic, so lively, which i suppose you all are even today. Yes, so do you remember those days?

It was a usual weekend, maybe Saturday, somewhere around 11AM, feeling hard to get up from bed, when i got a text on my whatsapp. It was one of my friends, who was feeling so exhausted and tensed with the work. While its obvious to get that feel once in a while, especially considering the work culture we all harvest, but there is something fundamentally wrong with our approach too. So, the message read "I had a really bad last weekend, i was so depressed, when i came to work on Monday, i was still not over it. And, that messed up my Monday, then Tuesday too, because i was already lagging with my deadlines. But, it just didn't stop there, its Saturday today, and i am even more pissed off. I have messed up everything. Do you really think i will be able to survive here with my skills".

Its not just about work life, its about everyday life. And, first thing is when you are down, its natural to question your own abilities. You question yourself whether you deserve the place that you have reached. But, right at that moment its important to combat that thought. Life is all about how much positivity you can bring to it. Ask one thing to yourself, if you didn't deserve that, you wouldn't have reached there in first place. So, that answers for when you start to doubt yourself. If you could do it once, you can repeat it for sure. No force in this eternity exists to oppose that to happen, all you need is your will power.

Next is about the chain of events. Oh wait, you haven't wondered why did i ask you about school? I don't ask you to think without any reason. Okay, so whats the deal about school days?

I used to have full days from Monday to Friday, and half days on Saturdays. Except for Saturdays, since there were so many periods (7 to be precise), i had to carry all respective notebooks and books. It was damn heavy man. Somedays, I risked to leave a few of them, just to keep the bag light, anyways who likes to carry extra weight. Then slowly slowly, somehow Saturdays used to come to rescue, half day, so half the number of periods, and bazingaaa!!!! half the weight in bag, and on back too. And, no doubt, Saturday was super fun, but so did the other days. But, best was Sunday, when we had no weight to carry.

Too much of weight, books and notebooks, eh? Okay, so coming to the point. When you choose to be done with the extra burden, then only you can look forward to present. You don't carry Monday's notebooks on Tuesdays. You always have the option to let go of books that are too heavy. Why put extra burden, when they threaten your peace of mind. You have to play the game very calmly, to decide which notebooks you should be carrying tomorrow.

Your best days are there, right around the corner, all you need to do is free your mind of stale thoughts, free your shoulders of stupid responsibilities, free your legs out of those chains and just run to it. Just one day at a time, buddy, one day at a time.

इतवार

 ये जो इतवार आया आज

तो जैसे सुकून का झोंका गया कोई 

ये रफ़्तार भरी जिंदगी में 

जैसे ठहराव आया एक 

भागते भागते कोई शांत सा 

एक मोड़ आया हो जैसे 

क्या, रखा क्या है जनाब 

इस, बस इक इस दिन में 

आखिर ख़ास क्या होता है 

ये एक इतवार 

जिंदगी तो बाकी दिन भी 

बस, जी ही लेते हैं 

ये वाकये, ये तसादुम 

वे हादसे, वे तबस्सुम 

हर दिन तो गुफ़्तगू होती है 

फिर आज ये नन्हा सा इतवार 

आखिर इतराता है क्यों 

शायद वक़्त में पीछे जाना होगा 

सवालो के जवाबो के वास्ते 

बचपन में कैसे वो हर दिन 

बस्ता लेकर निकल पड़ते थे स्कूल 

इतवार को तो पर ,हाँ

इतवार को नहीं जाना होता था  

सारा दिन बस माँ के हाथ का खाना  

और धमा-चौकड़ी मचाना 

शनिवार रात दूरदर्शन पर 

सिनेमा का बेफिक्र आनंद 

सुबह देर से जागना 

और पूरे दिन टीवी देखना 

पर ये कमबख्त होमवर्क 

शाम होने तक डरा देती थी 

आज क्या बदला है बरखुरदार 

स्कूल की जगह ऑफिस है 

बस्ता वही है, बस्ते के अंदर 

बस कागजात बदल गए 

खाना भी माँ के हाथ का नही है 

वो धमा-चौकड़ी भी खो गयी 

देर से जागते तो हैं, पर 

क्यूंकि रात को काम था 

पूरे दिन टीवी की जगह 

अब लैपटॉप ने ले ली है 

शाम को अब डर नहीं लगता 

आदत हो गयी है ना अब 

आदत हो गयी  है 

इस मेहमान इतवार की 

आओ, आओ इतवार 

आओ 

Questions

Let me start off with a joke

Kid: Sir, may I ask you a question?

Teacher: You just asked.

Kid: Can I ask you two questions?

Teacher: You just asked that too.

Kid: Can I ask you four questions?

Teacher: You did that too.

Kid: When?

Teacher: Now.

Funny? Or not funny, whatever, but did you just understand the point of this joke?

The most important part of life is, to ask questions. And most important part of asking question, is to ask the RIGHT question. I am no preacher, not a perfect "question-asker" either, but I know and let me tell you, the life is full of questions and answers. At every point of time you will have many unanswered questions, and unquestioned answers. Sometimes you may even feel like you are into some kind of "match the column" problem, where one column contains questions, and other answers. But, all you need to do then, is to calm yourself down, relax, because you can never see through until the fog settles down.

Every single day, from the time you wake up, to the time when you go to sleep, you will, take my words, you WILL face questions at every other moment. Shall i go by cab or bus? shall i take noodles or fruit salad for breakfast? Shall i attend the classes today or not? Shall i propose to her today or not? Shall I be able to find a flat today or not? Will i be able to complete the project before deadline or not? Will i have enough money to buy that saree for mom or not? Will I survive the day or not? There are many, in that tiny brain of yours. Some have answers, for some, its better not to find answers, some are just unanswerable.

Even I have plethora of questions in my mind, probably my mind has 10 times the traffic compared to Bangalore traffic, but as I said, no, no, no, as I have LEARNED over the years is that, when you let your brain relax, you let the roads widen, and then the traffic is vanished. When there is a question, if you think calmly, there is another question following up that. That follow up question will lead you to the topmost stairs of the terrace (problem) you are standing at. When you retrospect more, you will find where the stairs started, you will see the ground, and when you are on ground, that is when you can show as much heroics you want. There is the place, where you show your acrobatics now. You are no superhero to do 10 stunts while flying, but you are a human, who can do anything when you are in your strong zone. Your ground is your appropriate question, search answers on ground, not in air. My father always tells me, Stick to your strength. Over the course of years, you will realise your strength, and if you have not, its time to come few stairs down and see the world from bottom, because that is where everything has started.

Did you see the movie, Kung-fu-panda? Master Oogway says "Your mind is agitated like this water. Thats why you can't see, but if you allow it to settle, then only the answer becomes clear". 

That is all I had to say. Just relax, instead of getting panicked, be calm and sound, there are answers.

El Niño and La Niña

And, It's raining today
See the caravan of dark pitched clouds up there
And, the gush of breezes accompanying
How comforting are they
These raindrops, big drops of rain
Bent slightly with the wind
Pricking the palms, those drops
As you put your hands out there
But, isn't that the real joy?
Enjoy the life
Enjoy this rain

See how on those windows
Raindrops hit and slide down the glass
See how on those neighboring rooftops
Drops gather around in those small holes
See how on those mango trees
Drops drip down those leaves, onto the ground
See how beneath that small balcony
That bird shrugs raindrops off its wings

Until yesterday, the balcony where you didnt put a foot
Because the floor was burning up
Until yesterday, the windows which were shut
Because else the sun rays will burn us
Until yesterday, the fans which never went off
Because that hot it was, the weather
Today, that floor has cooled down
The windows have been opened
Fans have been turned off, because
Breeze out there is comforting
It's raining Sir,
Rain has arrived
Enjoy the life
Enjoy this rain

Moments later, this rain will vanish probably
Tearing apart those clouds, sun will come back
Some straight, some slanted, oblique-angled
Will be hitting again
But, that will happen a moment later
If anything, think now of present
Who knows, maybe that Sun also soothes tomorrow
Live the life in now
Think tomorrow about the tomorrow
It's raining now
Enjoy the life
Enjoy this rain

बारिश

और आज बारिश हो रही है
आसमा में छाए ये काले बादलों का कारवाँ
और साथ में लहराते ये ठंडे हवा के झोंके
कितना सुकून देते हैं ये मन को
बारिश की बूँदें ये,काफी बड़ी बड़ी हैं
हवा से तिरछी सी हो चली है बारिश
थोड़ा हाथों में चुभती सी भी है ये
जो हाथ बरामदे से बाहर निकालो तो
पर यही तो असली मज़ा है
ज़िन्दगी के मजे लो
इस बारिश के मजे लो

कैसे वो काँच की खिड़की से
बारिश की बूँदें नीचे सरक रही हैं
कैसे वो पड़ोस वाले छत पे
छोटे छोटे गड्ढों में पानी भर रहा है
कैसे वो सामने वाले आम के पेड़ के
पत्तों से पानी बूँद बूँद कर ज़मीं को छू रहा है
कैसे वो छोटे से छज्जे के नीचे वो
चिड़िया पंखों से पानी सुखा रही है

कल तलक जिस बरामदे में पाँव न रखते थे
क्यूंकि ज़मीं गरम सी होती थी
कल तलक जो खिड़कियाँ बंद होती थी
क्यूंकि धूप आएगी घर में
कल तलक जो पंखे बंद ना होते थे
क्यूंकि गर्मी बहुत ज्यादा थी
आज वो बरामदे की ज़मीन ठंडा गयी है
वो खिड़कियां खुल गयी हैं
पंखे बंद हो चले हैं, क्यूंकि
बरामदे की ये हवा बहुत सुकून दे रही है
बारिश हो रही है ज़नाब
बारिश आ गयी है
ज़िन्दगी के मजे लो
इस बारिश के मजे लो

पल भर बाद बारिश शायद थम जाएगी
काले स्याह बादलों को चीर के
वो सूरज की किरणें फिर आएगी
कभी सीधी, तो कभी थोड़ी आड़ी तिरछी सी
फिर चुभेगी वो किरणें
पर वो तो पल भर बाद होगा
अभी तो बस अब की सोचिये
क्या पता वो सूरज भी कल भा जाये
ए इंसा, जिंदगी इस पल में जियो
कल की कल सोच लेना
अभी बारिश हो रही है
ज़िन्दगी के मजे लो
इस बारिश के मजे लो

The Rescue Plane

** 7 P.M, July 7 **

Just few hours more and i'll be with her, celebrating her 23rd birthday. I was waiting for this day so long. Not only because, it was my girlfriend's birthday, but more importantly, it was her first birthday after getting the job she always dreamt of. We had been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years, and amidst all ups and downs, we held it pretty good. She is destined to have more happiness than ever and, what better gift it could have been to pay a surprise visit on her birthday. It was already 7 pm on clock and i was stuck at my work. I had a flight at 9, almost two hours' journey and then about half an hour through cab to her residence. I wished everything to be just on time. Anyhow, I was just able to convince my boss, left the office, and hurried to airport. 

Bam!!! that plethora of traffic, lucky that I managed to be at airport by 8 pm. Seemed like, the universe wanted me to be with her, or at least i thought so, that's so characteristically optimistic of me. Boarding pass, security check, luggage and blah blah blah, but all I was thinking was about her reaction. I boarded the plane.

** 9 P.M, July 7, In Flight **

Plane took off and I was admiring the city from that height. It looked beautiful and suddenly it started to grow a little dark. There were clouds. I thought they might be a little, as per the weather forecast everything was supposed to be okay. But no, it grew darker and darker. We were in all darkness and the plane suddenly faced some turbulence, once, then again. There was panic spreading, and probably the flight crew were well aware of that. They made an announcement about the situations, "It's unexpectedly cloudy, and we have some turbulence, but all the passengers are advised to remain seated and fasten their seat belts. We are trying our best to overcome the situation. You all are safe, there is no need to panic." But, there was. I knew it. I have traveled multiple times through planes, but never saw something like this. Suddenly, there was a lighting strike, right next to plane and that was definitely horrifying. I heard some voices, some shouting, some praying, some saying something. Crew was trying to get them to seats and somehow calm them. And I was asking myself, "Will I be able to see her for one last time?". 

The plane had lost all connections from control room and the instruments stopped working, the pilots too didn't know what to do. They were just trying their best to save plane from crashing right in middle. Out of nowhere, some lights appeared. Is it some airport light? That was series of lights. That gave a sudden rise in hopes and pilots decided to go towards that light, just in hope that they might make an emergency landing. But, the light started getting closer and closer. No, they were certainly not some airport lights. OMG!!! that was another plane. The sparking blue luminous lights. 

While people were as afraid as earlier or maybe more, yeah me too, I was no brave hearts either, I saw that series of lights coming almost parallel to our flight. Before I could even think or analyse about it, there was another announcement. "Passengers, this is your captain, We have a good news that we have a rescue plane here for our help. They are going to guide us, and I want all of you to relax now. We are safe now. Relax, Ladies and Gentleman, The prayers paid off." 

Meanwhile, in cockpit, the situation was a bit too different than described. None of the instruments were working, and out of thin air, they received some signal on the microphone which said "We know you are in trouble, we are here to save you, please follow us, and don't be afraid. We have done it multiple times. You are in safe hands. We will guide you out of clouds." The pilots had no choice, but they were shocked, shaken to depth, as how did that microphone work first of all and what kind of plane is it? They discussed, kept their calm and decided to take a chance, as they knew that they have no chance to survive this huge chunk of clouds and lightning strikes. "Copy that, we are following you". That was just a gamble, but they had to take the chance. And then the "Mystery plane" or say "Rescue plane" started leading the plane, guiding it.

Whenever, I used to feel scared, usually I went into pin drop silence, I never knew why. But, today was something different, because there are no blue lights on a plane, never. But, the optimistic me said that probably today is something different, how often there is something like this is heard of, seriously a "rescue plane" to rescue another plane? If I survive today, I am going to propose her, and if I don't, then i'll stop thinking such crap because then it won't matter. "Ugghh, how do I always manage to crack stupid jokes?"

Few minutes later, we were out of clouds, and mysteriously "The rescue plane" was nowhere. We were probably safe, but what in the name of God was that plane? "A hero? Superman's plane? Really, how could I come up with such names in such situation." I thanked God for whatever it was, but we all survived. The plane landed safely at 11 pm. 

** 12 A.M, July 8 **
I was outside her residence, I called her to come out. Her shell shocked version could not believe it, mostly because I said that I'll be very busy in an important meeting at this time and I couldn't even call her at this time. Of course, I lied. I had brought her favorite sea shells collection, her favorite dress, and myself on knees with a ring in my hands. "Will you give me a gift on your birthday please? Will you marry me?".

"Yes", she said with tears in her eyes, probably of happiness, or love, yeah love.

** 11 P.M., July 7, Airport **
The pilots were terrified and relaxed at same time. They just raced ahead of a certain tragic crash. They had witnessed more than any of the passengers did. They rushed to the control room to inquire about the rescue plane. The records said that there was no such plane on radar. 

Only there was a plane crash which killed all the passengers, years ago.

I'll Write

That night when I stared into the sky, there were many stars, shining, some glowing and some twinkling with little less of glow. What a diverse world, a huge huge huge space out there it is, and how significant is the part that is visible to us. Forget even that, even the part that we are able to see, there are countless number of stars in it. But, that's not the point. The point is, even those stars are huge in real. They burn too and glow like anyone else. They live their own life, they burn in their own due course of time. Maybe, other stars are bigger, maybe they have more impact on universe than some other star, but still they are not the same.

I always liked writing, it was my passion. In my school time, I always tried to play with the lyrics of songs, in hope of creating something of my own. Sometimes. I used to predict what next line of that song will be, just to check how good am I at rhyming. That was my first exposure to this world. I am not the best, nor I was. But, I know one thing that I like it. Give me some free time, and all I'll come up with, are some lines, some poetic, some just plain simple lines trying to encapsulate my pain. This is what that gives me pleasure. Whenever I departed from a phase of my life, I took some fragments of those memories with me. That increased the weight on my back though, but they gave me moments and inspirations to write. 

When I was 17, I wrote a song, that was my first song. I tried to give some music to it, I couldn't, because I was not putting the feelings into it. I was late to understand the game of emotions, but with continuous trials, one day when I found myself really in the place, I found one of the missing parts of that jigsaw puzzle, it's a feeling that takes birth right from the shallowest of corners of heart, it never comes out of your mind, never. 

Almost three and half years later, one morning, I just woke up to admire the beauty of rising sun. That was indeed a new rise in my life, I'll say. I wrote something random about morning. Few minutes later, I felt more words running down my mind, I wrote another one, and one more to follow. That evening, I then pushed myself to write about evening and night. However, those didn't turn out that good. Probably, I was pushing myself a bit too hard, and I forgot that it comes out of heart, and not mind, never. Few days later, I wrote some 3-4 poems for friends on eve of friendship day. I just felt good, and i hope they did too.

One good day, a friend of mine suggested me to start writing blogs and post the poems and articles there. Yes people, it's this place. I started to write, but that was very discontinuous. I used to write over long intervals. But, I never hurried myself into it, because I wanted to come it straight out of heart, when it feels like writing and expressing. Almost, another 2 years later, I made my first attempt to write a Hindi poem, and as per usual routine, I sent the link to everyone to read it.

As they say, time and tide take unexpected turns, it did for me too. With my fellow classmates putting their time and effort in some very catchy technical work or even in doing some heart warming social work, I was wondering, whether am I putting my time in correct place? People going for start-up business, earning money out of it, and then there I was sending links to people and requesting them to read and give the review. I mean that was pretty tidy work, especially considering that for other people, their work spoke for themselves and there was no need for them to request people and bug others, like I used to do. I decided to be with my writing that day. I am putting my pen to a stop.

Next morning, I received a call from my father about my poem. He liked that. My first attempt at a Hindi poem, and my dad praises me. He even asked me to gift him a poem for his 55th birthday. What could have been a better turn of tide than this for me? That made me really rethink about my decision of putting my pen and passion down.

There is one message that I want to give, though I am not that great person to do so, but people, do what you are passionate for, every one is special in their own way. I just hope that one day i'll do more justice to the faith put in me by my dad and by my pen. Why to see other stars and wonder about their glow, and why not just write our own fate?

I am still writing, and I'll, irrespective of whether it is profitable or popular, because this is my passion. Just like everyone else is following their passion, I'll follow the path that I want to go on.
I'll write.

पिता

जो इस दुनिया में नया जीवन स्वरूप ले हम आये
कहा हमको भगवान का रूप ले नन्ही जान हैं आये
पर उस नन्हे को मिले भगवान के साये
जो मात-पिता कहलाये।

सबने कहा कितना बड़ा दिल माँ का
सुकून देती हमें सारे जहाँ का
इस भाँति कहीं जिक्र न पाया आपका
महत्व एक संतान समझती है फिर भी पिता का
एक ढाल के जैसे हर संकट से बचाना वो एक पिता का
या हो हर वक़्त चलना थाम कर हमारे हाथ का।

यादों के शहर के सड़को पर वापस जाते हैं
तो ढलती शाम में, आपकी राह तकते खुद को पाते हैं।
वक़्त हो चला आफिस से आने का, पापा आते होंगे
शायद मेरे लिए खिलोने और मिठाइयाँ लाते होंगे।
नादानी में न जाने कितनी बार दिल दुखाया
पर अडिग उस पिता को हमेशा पास पाया।
उन खामोशियों क पीछे जाने कितनी कहानियां थी,
शायद हम जान नहीं पाये,वो क्या वीरानियाँ थी।

वक़्त वो भी था जब हमारे लिए, लिए कुछ कठोर कदम,
थोड़े दूर तो थे, पर फिर भी पास थे हम।
खुद की खुशियों को मानो, न्योछावर कर दिया,
एक पिता से पूछो, संतान के लिए उसने क्या क्या किया।
एक पिता ही कर सकता है इतना सब,
संग लिए मुस्कान की वो सबब।
पल भर एहसास न होने दिया अपनी तकलीफ का ,
आज आपसे सीख रहा हूँ, पाठ तहज़ीब का।
एक दिन जब उसी मुकाम पर हम आएंगे,
तब बारीकी से वो लम्हे जान पाएंगे ,
पर तब तक सदा आपके गुण गाएँगे।

इस अवसर पर आपके लिए तोहफा सोचना मुश्किल है,
आपके प्यार से भरी अंतर्मन की ये महफ़िल है।
बयां लफ्जों में न कर सकें,जो आपने दिया उम्र भर
वो बेइन्तहां खुशियां, और प्यार जी भर कर।
आपके सारे सपने पूरा करूँगा मैं ,
पिता मिला मुझे आप जैसा, प्रभु का शुक्र गुजार रहूँगा मैं। 

Importance

Read Hindi translation here: अहमियत

The life knows how to teach everything at right time,
Even then, time to time it teases us at its prime.
Probably, it's like a strict teacher,
Leaves marks of experience at each corner.
Nothing happens either pre-maturely, nor late,
Moments pass and remains memories and fate.
Every turn in this path has importance,
You might skip any, that has no chance.

Its important to lose things that you own in life,
Otherwise we wont understand what having is like.
Take the tears for instance, who loves them shedding
But, if its not for them, whats the value of laughing?
Or, just see these seasons, Sir
when warm, we ask for rain and winter.
When pours, we wish for it to pause and stop
In winters, we dream for summer nights to hop.
We come back to same place, and there goes wheel
This heart never gets satisfaction, continues to reel.

They kept on calling in shrilled voices to glance back once,
I kept on moving, asking them to wait for few more moments.
Years later, when the silence spread out around,
And, sparked the thought of going back in mind,
Turned back, but nothing was there to be found.
Cried my hearts out, banged head with hands,
Childhood memories kept flashing at backhands.
Now, when i have lost everything of yours,
These memories haunt me behind the doors.
I Remember when on shoulders, you used to carry
Thinking those as helicopter and plane, were moments of merry.
How you used to wriggle at my slightest "aah",
Remember your lullabies, and patted me to sleep.
But everything has passed,
Its neither the same time, nor the same moments.
You remember? Do you?
Only memories are alive,
Only memories are alive.

This time life taught me once again,
Opened my eyes, don't let another chance go in vain.
Neither the time is going to turn back, nor the paths,
I wish now to get burnt with these flames.
I don't know what's right and wrong at the moment,
The wound is very deep and very frequent.
But what's use of all this now,
Everything is over, let it go.
Life has also moved on, like some big chapter,
Whom to claim, who will ponder?
Will try to find, if there is any humanity left inside to take stance,
Reckless this life, else will teach once again the Importance.

अहमियत

Read English translation here: Importance.

ये जिंदगी सब कुछ सही समय पर सिखाना जानती है,

वक़्त बेवक़्त जाने फिर भी हमें कितना तरसाती  है। 

शायद एक कठोर शिक्षक की भाँति है यह,

तजुर्बे की छाप छोड़ जाती है हर मोड़ पर वह। 

ना ये वक़्त से पहले कुछ होने देती है, ना वक़्त के बाद,

ये भी सही है कि लम्हे गुजर जाते हैं, रह जाती है बस याद। 

लम्बे से इस सफर में राह का हर मोड़ अहम है,

बच निकलेगा कहीं से, ये तेरा वहम् है। 

जिंदगी में अहम है अपनी चीजों का खोना,

वर्ना शायद हम न समझें कि क्या होता है होना। 

आंसुओं को ही देख लो, किसे पसंद है कभी रोना,

पर जो ये न हो तो कौन जानेगा क्या होता है हसीं का होना। 

अब इस मौसम को ही ले लीजिये न आप जनाब,

गर्म होता है तो कहते हैं, सर्द और बारिश लाजवाब,

बारिश होती है तो कहता है, थम जा अब, 

सर्द में कहते हैं, सही थी वो गर्मी की शब। 

वापस वहीँ जाते हैं, चलता है फिर से ये चक्का,

मन नहीं मानता, हो कर कभी किसी एक का। 

वो बरबस आवाज़ लगाते रहे, देख तो लो एक बार मुड़ कर,

हम कहते रहे, रुक-ठहर, अभी जाने दे मुझे, थोड़ी देर सब्र कर। 

अर्से बाद जब गहरा सन्नाटा छाया, 

और मुड़ने का ख्याल जहन में आया,

पीछे पलट कर देखा तो तुझे कहीं न पाया। 

फूट फूट कर रोये, सर पीटा हमने अपना,

याद आता रहा तेरे संग बीता जो बचपना। 

अब जब खो चुका मैं सब कुछ तेरा,

तब जा कर इन यादों के साये ने मुझे घेरा। 

याद है जब वो बचपन में कंधे पर बिठाते थे,

वही हेलीकाप्टर और प्लेन समझ खिलखिलाते थे। 

हर छोटी सी आह पर कैसे तड़प जाते थे,

याद है गोद में लोरियाँ गाकर हमें सुलाते थे। 

पर सब कुछ तो चला गया है,

न वो पल है, न वह लम्हे है, और न वो वक़्त है। 

याद है तुम्हें ?

याद ही तो है बस,

याद ही तो है बस। 

अब के बार भी सिखा गयी ये जिंदगी मुझे,

आँखे खोल दी कि अगली बार अहमियत सूझे। 

न वह समय मुड़ने वाला है, न ये राह,

चाहत है जैसे मुझे भी जला दे ये दाह। 

नहीं मालूम हमें क्या सही, क्या गलत इस वक़्त,

पर चोट बहुत गहरी है और घाव बहुत ही सख्त।

क्या फायदा इन सब का लेकिन, 

वो सब तो जा चुका, बीत गए वो दिन। 

जिंदगी भी बढ़ गयी, जो लम्बी सी हो कोई आयत,

किससे करें गिला, शिकवा और शिकायत। 

ढूढेंगे अगर बची हो जहन में जो इंसानियत,

निर्दय ये जिंदगी, वरना बेवक़्त फिर सिखा जाएगी अहमियत। 

Forest of Life

While going through my journey,
I saw many trees on roadside.
In fact, that was a path between forests.
Trees and trees on both sides of road,
Standing in a row, one after another,
And many more behind them.
I thought to take a pause and explore
The breathtaking artistry of God.
How did he put all these in this fashion?
Is it just some normal thing or anything else?
There must be many more like these, i suppose.
And, we cut them down to make houses for us?
How reckless we are? Did they not feel pain?
But, had we not done this, then what?
These chairs, table, furniture, windows, doors
And all those elements of comfort,
How would have been our life without those?
Still, how logical was it to make them sacrifice?
Was that correct what we did?
What do we know all these Sir,
Our ancestors must have thought something.

When i ran my sight through that dense forest,
Found similarities with life's structure.
We also stand in a row,
One after another, following others.
Who asks for others in this big world,
All trees have to grow on their own,
So that they can grab the most of sunlight.
All these are struggles, to survive, no other option.
And, these small new born ones,
What will happen to them?
How will they survive without sunlight?
Those big ones cover their sky.
So dense is the forest, that
Even light doesn't penetrate through.
But, some trees are flexible, swinging with air
Making little space available for small ones
Some of those grab the fingers of small ones
They wrap around them, to have a Godfather.
Somehow, they come up, to see the sky.

Presumably, life is also the same.
Some big people try to grab all,
Some of them are very nice people,
They give chances to smaller ones.
They let them have some facilities to grow.
Then, there are those smaller ones,
Either you fight for growth and survival,
Or, you die right there, no world for weak.
Sometimes, grab support of big people
On other times, by adjusting self as per conditions.
Finding ways of survival and growth,
But, that makes the forest denser, isn't it?

There, that is how forest and life are not same,
Doesn't matter how dense is the life's forest,
As long as there are good trees,
Smaller one will keep on sprouting.
This forest will keep on expanding its wings,
But, why do we say big or small
Powerful or weak
Rich or poor
Intelligent or fool
In the end, all are same only
Similar life lies beneath everyone.

And one day, you will be hunted down
To make life easier for someone else.
No one will come to justify right or wrong,
Saying probably, that was for best.

The Weekend (Monday)

Read The Weekend (Sunday) here.

Read The Weekend (Saturday) here.

Monday...

Well, Monday is not always counted in weekend, indeed there are Monday Blues, but there's no harm extending your weekend. Anyway, whatever was going on for past 2 days, it was worth it. It was last day for me to be with her. I have had a hard time sleeping, especially after what happened yesterday. I was afraid whether she will come or not. But, there is always something special, and that’s why I loved her. She called me, gave me time, and asked me to meet. I always knew, it's not a yes, but indeed it was her generosity, and appreciation for what I had done. Probably, at the end of the day, even if you don’t have results, you must have something good to smile about.

As usual, metro station, "Will you be able to come by 3 pm?" She asked. Who was I anyway to deny her ever. And, what else was common, wait, wait and wait. After almost an hour, she called me back, "Can you come to my station, and pick me up, we'll go together". I picked her up, and then she asked "What did you have had in lunch?".

"Nothing", I replied. It was hard to eat anything, I wasn’t willing at all.

 "Are you mad? Why are you doing this? Come eat something first", She commanded (almost).

I: "Relax, I have no complaints from you at all, I was just not feeling like eating. Can we sit for some time? My bag is way too heavy to carry".

She: "Ok, give some things to me, if that reduces the weight off your back".

I took out the gift that I had brought for her. She gave a strange look, I was familiar of that look. Once upon a time, that was symbol of love, symbol of her smiling the very next moment. She did, she smiled, not sure about love though.

I: "I totally respect your decision, I am totally okay with it. I am happy being with you in whatever way possible. Just be happy. I just got this one for you before coming here, and I'll be happy if you accept it. This one is for you." She accepted it. "Now, come and eat something. Okay let's go KFC, I am sure you haven't been there ever", She took me there. I have had my lunch with her. There was no change in her behavior, such was her strength.

She: "Let's go Gurudwara."

I: "But, it will be too late by the time we come back. We have to go for shopping also."

She: "How often do you come here? Just come once with me. You will like it for sure."

Whenever, she just used the phrase "with me", it got me butterflies in my stomach. "Let's go then", I replied smilingly. We went there, listened to prayers together. It was always so pleasant, similar to 3 years back when she pulled me to temple, when she holded my hands and made me feel what I meant for her. "Hey, see out there, it looks beautiful", my thoughts were interrupted by her voice, and yeah, the Gurudwara did look beautiful. And even beautiful was, to know that the person you love most is standing right besides you, but sometimes, the distance is way too much.

It was late evening, as we came out, "let's shop for some time, then we'll go for dinner", I suggested.  She choose t-shirts for me, yeah she did, and few presents for my sister too. It was always joyful, shopping with her. She was so exciting and adventurous, I must say. While walking, a guy with some stall on road side shouted "Brother, take this from our shop, God will bless the pair of you two". Both of us burst into laughter. I almost hugged her, saying "C'mon, let's do this, may be this is the only chance for me to have you." I used to see couples after going through tough phases, and they didn't even talk to each other now, so, considering that, shouldn't I be appreciating the way she is with me now, so cool and so friendly, like she promised that day.

We have had our dinner, and then we had to take a small walk, the tough one, maybe last one for the "Weekend". I told her, how much I appreciate and like the way we two are together. She smiled back, she didn’t say a word, but her smile had much more to say. Those were the good things that her smile conveyed. She boarded down at my metro station, to see me off. I holded her hands for a while, she bid me bye, with smiles and wishes. She went out of my sight in a minute or so. I stood there watching her go, "no, I have to see her, I have to, one more time." I ran down the stairs to her platform. There she was, standing there, tucking her hairs behind her ears, she had boarded the metro, but it was yet to depart. I stood there, watching her smile, like the last time I watched her, doing the same smile, way back in time. That was the last hand waving for the "weekend". That was it, but it was full of good moments, and I always believed in counting better moments over bad ones. Good moments define the way to live life, don’t they?

I will make another weekend happen with you, for many more times in my life, I promise.

The Weekend (Sunday)

Read The Weekend (Saturday) here.

Sunday...

After a much satisfactory day, compared to what I imagined, time was to move on to next day. I woke up early in the morning, such was the anticipation. Even more than yesterday, and why shouldn't it be, I was going to do it again. After this much time, after this long wait, I was going to ask her again. I took out the card that I got prepared for her. I was yet to fill it up with words. But, what words could have described the feelings in best way possible, probably at that moment, answer was "none". I stood up to mirror, trying to rehearse what I was going to say to her, but I fumbled, or maybe I was emotionless, a null face with some jumbling words. "Huh, am I going to scare her or what, Buck up yourself man!!" I told myself. I got up and freshened up, thinking for words to speak to her all this while.

I called my best friend, " Gosh!!! Why the hell is she not receiving the call at the most important time. Okay, call someone else, yeah here it is". After almost a discussion of 10-15 minutes, there I was, again unsure of what to write. 2 years ago, she had told me once that, in conditions, where I am too tense, I should listen to myself because that is the best thing to do, yes I am going to do that now. Anyway, she told me that she likes my writing. Bingo!! Perfect time for that. Finally, I wrote it, I filled up the card with best possible words up to my caliber, ending with a question, "May I?".

"Hello!! Where are you, we have movie at 12:30, its already 11:30, come fast or else we'll be late" I told her on phone. "You come to metro, I'll meet you there, I am just ready, I will come soon", she added and put the phone down. I brought two big chocolates, which she always loved, along with the card which I eventually got ready to be presented for the occasion. Whenever girls take time to ready, you need to admit that its always worth it. Yes, it is, she looked stunning beautiful today, but just a regular thing for her. She arrived at 12:30, we went to movie from there, though we missed the starting, but anyway, nothing mattered more than her company. I kept on looking at her during all those love songs that came along, her smile and sparkle in the eyes, oh man!! They can make me fall in love with her all over, at any point of time. After the movie, she took me to McDonalds, thanks to GPS facility in mobile phones. All this time, she kept on talking and talking and clicking pictures. I always loved that, I always loved the way she talked continuously, taking up the charge and the way she used to set the conversations on fire with her so simple approach of talking.

"Let's go to CyberHub, its very good place, kind of corporate place, but I bet you will love the scenery" She told. What else I'd wish. I wanted to spend quality time with her, at some place in solitude. We went there. It was quite cold there, but worth spending time with someone. She clicked some more pics of mine, and some selfies too. Pics with her, ah!! Why I didn’t do it last time, but as I said "time never comes back, stays only the regret".

"Will you have a cup of coffee, good for this cold" She asked me.

"yeah, sure, and we'll term this special show "Coffee with Mr. Awesome", and I'll be your host for the entertainment today", I said, as I saw a glimpse of smile on her face. I purposefully tipped my cup of coffee over my fingers, "oh, it's too hot, can I hold your hands, they would be cold" I said. She smiled but she took my hands in her hands and cupped my fingers with both her hands. This was the thing that I will remember for years. Her touch, her hands being in my hands, we holding the hands together, what a feeling. I was continuously smiling, "finally, I am able to hold your hands in my hands" I said, she smiled, "so do you feel better now?". Then she showed me her previous work place and other places, they were worth watching. I was quite impressed, but there was something more beautiful. Walking along with her in that cold evening with she being so actively involved, that reminded me of our old times, old dreams.

We came back for dinner at Hotel Sarvana Bhawan, as the attendant announced my name, "A table for 2, sir please have a seat there." As we finished up a sophisticated dinner with lots and lots of food sharing (that’s lovely), I offered her the chocolates which I brought for her. I was a little afraid when we discussed her long term opinions on life, but I was happy at same time that she wanted to live freely.

"I can't wait anymore, I have one more gift for you, this card" I said as we were taking a walk post dinner.

"Oh!! We have discussed this multiple times, I'll read the card later, and seriously you still think this will work?" she responded, as she saw what I wrote for her.

**P.S. I love you**. But there was no anger in her words, just a mild denial.

I: "2 years back, at some point of time, you wanted me to take steps, make efforts to get to you, to make you feel that you are important to me, that's what I am trying to do"

She: "But I have prio.."

I interrupted her, "I know, I totally understand your priorities, and I respect them. I want you to concentrate on your career, I don’t want to be a burden to you. I want to support you"

She: "See, what we have now, is so awesome. We are going so good as friends. And, I don’t need someone's support. I am good with my efforts."

I: " I want to walk along with you. I am not asking you to talk to me every day like for hours, give your time to your career. I want a name for our relationship. I want to take a step ahead."

She: "If I am not giving you time, it won't make much sense to commit with you. I will not be happy myself, doing this to you. You are a good person, and I appreciate because you did this."

I: "I understand, you are also right, but just think, I have no issue, and I'll do anything that I need for this to work"

She: "You came this far for this only, had you asked earlier, you might not have needed to take this much pain for me"

I: "I would have missed the moments. I want to make the relationship exist in person, not on Facebook and WhatsApp, this relationship with you means a lot to me."

She did not say anything, but she smiled, she stood beside me all the while, during the ride back to home, in metro. As she was leaving, I told her  "I'll be happy with whatever you decide, because I want you to be happy. What you did for me all this time, I'll be thankful to you always, whatever be the day." She smiled and waved her hands, as we bid bye. I watched her go. I came back to my hotel. She called me asking whether I reached home. There were glimpses of tears late night. But, I was happy. My best friend, she called me, asking what happened, she advised me to move on, but I have decided to stay for her. I'll stay for her, I'll wait for her. Her happiness and her being with the falls and rise of life, is more important for me. I wiped the drops off my face, but I was happy for her.

I slept, anticipating, if she will even come to meet tomorrow, Will she? What way she will respond? I did not know, but I knew, that I am happy for being with a person, so open and practical with thoughts.

The Weekend (Saturday)

I had big plans for this weekend. I was going to see her after almost 2 years. Almost 2 years after we broke up. Finally, this was the time when I could spend my whole day with her, and do the things that I should have done earlier, but the time never comes back, stays only the regret. Anyway, this was going to be a great weekend, probably best of my life, or say biggest considering the fact that I was going to propose to her again.

Saturday...

After a grueling 32 hour train journey, which was way cold than expected, I reached there. Ah! New city. First things first, check in to hotel. I called her on phone, with a little more excitement in my voice. I told her that I have reached. She asked me to freshen up and take lunch. We decided to meet in an hour. Heartbeats never ran with this speed for me, ever in my life.

"Come to Metro station, I'll see you there" she said. I was a little nervous, considering I had never been to Metro earlier, but today, I was ready to do anything for her. I managed to be on time. But, dear God have had some waiting plans for me, and damn, each moment was making it harder and harder to wait. After almost half an hour, the train doors opened, there she was, the lady of my dreams. The familiar smile, long hairs tied behind and a few hanging upon her ears, eyes lined with fine kohl, the so lovely grace on her face, She didn't change at all in last 2 years. I could not help myself but smile non-stop with constant look on her face, and why shouldn't I, I waited to have a glimpse of her all these years.

"Let's go shopping first, you must be shivering. We'll buy a jacket for you". She said. Little did she knew that I deliberately left my jacket back at home, just for these moments. There was passion and care in her words. "Sure, let's go highness" I replied with a giggle. She tried out around 5-10 jackets on me before finalizing one, "this one will look good on you, take this". I obliged to her choice. I always did, so beautiful she and her choices were. This went on, we looked for footwear, tops, sweaters, ear-rings for her, it was my pleasure to let her know how beautiful she looked in those ear-rings specially. I always wanted to spend these moments of taking these "decisions" with her, where she smiled, where she felt happy, where I knew that these are the quality moments I will wish for.

"Are you hungry? Hello, I am asking you. Where are you lost?" She said.

I: "Yeah, you bet I am hungry. So what do we get best here?"

She: "We'll take a cheese ball, its very famous at this place. And a coffee with it would be awesome."

I always liked when the talks turned from "me" to "we". It always gave me a feeling of how badly I wanted to be with her.

I: "Orders of your highness will be followed", and we laughed.

We got our order, she brought coffee and I brought cheese ball. She took half of mine, and I constantly kept on looking in her eyes. I remembered that look. 2 years back, I used to see same grace and innocence in her eyes while we used to eat our "pani puri" together, and those were moments that I'll always cherish.

she: "Will you have a sip of coffee?". I noticed a small mark of her lip balm on the top. I couldn't resist but say yes. Though it was cold coffee and I didn’t like it ever, but it's "her" and I was ready to go to any level for her. "Yeah, definitely, why not." I replied.

It was almost 7:30 by that time. "Shall we go for dinner, you must be hungry" She asked.

I: "How far is it from here?"

She: "let's just roam, we'll find something good nearby".

I always loved this attitude of her, no boundaries, just fly free and find whatever available, such was her approach to life, and after meeting to her, probably I moulded myself to the same. And, most lovely part was, when she used to hold my hands while crossing the roads, but this time she didn't, but wasn't that obvious. Anyway, I did. I did hold her shoulders and covered her while crossing roads, probably this was my time to show that how much she means to me, and how much I want to take responsibilities for her.

"Pind baluchi, this is a good restaurant for dinner, I have come here earlier, lets come", she said. "Come on then, finally I am living my fantasy of having a dinner with you. I wish they put the lights dim, to make it a romantic dinner. Ah! see there is a seat under tree (artificial) for us. Oh goodness, it’s a tiring journey of life, m'am and I feel awesome to pause in this journey with none other than you." I said with little humor and more feelings.

She laughed, we laughed, and she pat lightly on my arms. Even after these years, she was always so nice to take these comments in a light manner. I bet no one else can do this, I loved her for her approach to life, as I mentioned. Anyway, it was a tasty delightful dinner with her, yeah first dinner with her. I will always remember this. As soon as we came out, we felt a cold breeze, she suddenly turned back to me with my jacket, "Wear this fast, or you will catch cold, you are so prone to cold. I'll hold it for you". The heart smiled for the affection and care she managed to generate for me. I added laughing "is that you Mom?". 

We boarded metro to head back to our respective places of stay. I dropped her, and kept on watching her until she went. I came back to my station, and called her quickly, "Did you reach home safe?". "Yes", she said, "it's too cold out there, please go to your room as soon as possible and take care". "Bye, good night (sweet heart), see you tomorrow, I'll get movie tickets for tomorrow" I added the last words spoken to her for the day.

Awaited the coming day to happen. I slept with a broad smile on my face.

The Moments

Today when i am standing here
I have some questions
Probably those are for myself
Whatever position i am holding on
In whatever moments i am living today
How many moments have I lost to be here?
When i turn back, I see those moments
Lost moments, far away from me
Some terrifying, some happy
But they are gone long ago
Its impossible to go there again
Like this universe has placed it
Somewhere unreachable in some world
Only whose blurred images are alive
But we can't touch them
Were those moments, memories
Or they were something else?
Did we model those moments
Or did those moments model us?
Were we in those moments
Or those moments were within us?

I look forward and I see more moments
Standing there waiting to be touched
Who knows what those moments contain
But one thing is certain
We will meet some day for sure
But where are they hidden now
I cant see them
Is this some kind of road?
Very riddled road it is
I can't understand which one is road
And which one is traveler
You can't go backwards
You can't go forward at will
You can't even stand still
What kind of riddle is it

I can't help myself but think that
If it has to be like this only
All we have in control is now only
Then why not do the things now
Why to wait for moments to come
Why risk with unpredictable lanes
Let the gone moments be gone
Let the coming moments come
They will come to us someday
Maybe when the time comes
Let's come then
Let's live now
Let's live in these moments
Will you come with me?

The Deafening Silence

On this side of path
There was a river flowing
Maybe, she had to go somewhere.
It had very less water
Probably, she got spent in the way,
Would have been tired
Covering a long distance,
But she was still going on.
God knows, which ocean did she promise to meet,
Who knows when will she meet,
Who knows when will she halt.

On the other side of path
There was sun, setting.
Maybe, he was also tired in due course
Tired burning himself
Tired lighting up the world.
He is going back his home,
To take rest, to relax,
That he'll come back tomorrow
To burn himself hard again
To light this universe again.
But what's his ultimate destination,
Where will he stop, who knows.

Then, i glanced my own path.
I couldn't resist asking myself
This path also had to go somewhere,
If that's so, then where?
Or, it just remains idle here only,
Taking people from one place to other.
The path, it must be ending somewhere
Maybe that's the limit that
It accepts being done with traveler,
I cant go on any further,
Look for someone else

Suddenly, there was a voice
Coming from inside
It was my my own soul,
My own existence
My own heart
My own voice
Questioning me in high pitched voice
Whats your destination?
Whats written in your destiny?
Will you write it yourself?
Or, you'll give even this responsibility
To someone else, and leave?
There was noise of silence
Very unsettling nerving noise
But, nowhere was the answer
The noise was peaking
The silence was deafening,
But there was no answer.