Different birthday

And yes there it was, it was his birthday. Generally, a day someone waits for long to celebrate and cheer.

Whenever you think of a b'day, what comes to your mind, some gifts, friends wishing you in their own ways, cakes, party, happiness, smiles and many more like this. Everybody loves to celebrate their day.

But,was he ready to feel these on that day? If he was really willing to get up and shake hands with people wishing him or willing to celebrate with him?

NO.

There was nothing for him to celebrate. For past few days, months or say years, he was not happy, not at all. Disappointments, failures, distances, everything was breaking him down. He was losing the charm in his own life. He didn't want to smile. He didn't want to socialize. He feared to meet new people. He feared to show up the smile and share the thoughts. What he had gone through was not too much others could have seen or felt, but it was turning too much for him to handle.

He had a, say, quite different habit. Everyday, he used to sit alone for some minutes or hours under the dark night.He used to say "And,you know what this calmness of night tells me? It ensures me that I am not alone ever,at least when it is with me.When there is nobody to hold me, it is always there with open arms to embrace me and soothe me. I confess each and everything there.And when i return back to my normal life, i feel a light heart." Those few moments that he used to spend alone, were used to be his best moments of life. Slowly over the course of time,loneliness had become his best friend.

That day as clock ticked 00:00, he moved to terrace,to his best friend over the years, who was still the same through all the years. Calmly he took a chair and sat down. It was a very chilly night. Temperature dipping down, cool winds touching his eyes and few outside noises coming from the nearby buildings. But, he was very still there. Just sitting hands crossed over each other and staring the dark sky and blinking stars. There was not too many emotions on face but a little smile. This night knew what he's been all through, he had a lot to say to this night, but he was just silent to himself. Eyes closed, remembering every person he wanted to be with, but lost. Tiny droplets were coming out of his eyes.He didn't wipe them off, he just let it flow down the cheeks,probably thats how he could have let those memories go.The moments had made him so numb that he didn't even realise the weather turning more cool. The winds got stronger but he didn't move from there. There was nothing that could have separated him from his best friend that night. Slowly he started pouring all his past over there again, in a hope that all the bad things get eloped with the darkness and once again he'll come up with a light mind and heart.After around 3-4 hours, when was done with all his emotions and feelings poured, he came back to his room, but this was a different day, he was not light today.His eyes, his voice, his feelings, his heart, they were still heavy.

It was first time he felt so even after such a long session with darkness.That was just a clear answer of how much broken he was that day.

He cried again, shouted like anything. He punched walls with all his force. He slapped himself as hard as he could have done. He threw things abruptly here and there. He was still feeling broken.Losing all the energy he had inside, he just sat over the floor,and dint knew when he fell asleep.Next morning he woke up,but the wounds were still fresh. As usual he kept all his feelings inside,and with a fake smile on his face,he went ahead to tackle the day and the world out there.

There was nothing special on his birthday,except him breaking down over all the silly things once again and trying to rebuild himself.But, he has lost a part of himself forever,and with no intentions of getting it back, he decided to get up and walk like nothing happened to him ever.

It was a good decision to keep the sorrows within him,because nobody,just nobody deserves to share your problems.Its you and only you who need to understand,tackle and mould yourself out of yourself only.

I,Me and Self-belief

Have you ever wondered in your life all of a sudden, "Where am i taking my life to" or "Where my life is taking me to"?

You must have, if you are a analyst of yourself,and if not, then you must give a thought about it.

Yes, its you and only you who are best judge of yours,don't ever let anyone judge you for what you are. But that doesn't mean, you shouldn't worry about happenings of your life or you shouldn't be analysing them. You must, you must analyse yourself on a regular basis. That helps you make yourself better. But the most important point remains, "are we always correct?"

No, we might not be. But when you learn to believe yourself, you will be happy even after a wrong decision.

Why so?

Because even a wrong decision taken will full intent of getting good out of it might not give you that outcome what it should have been, but it will nourish you with an experience you will cherish for rest of your life. A lost battle doesn't remain a lost battle, instead it becomes a learning battle.

Now coming back to the question from where we started, it describes a lot about you. Which question comes to your mind, is just a reflection of your mindset.

"Where am i taking my life to" is symbolising that its your who is driving your life,and truly saying, that is the ideal way of living. Its you and only you who will be filling up the empty pages of your book. Its you who will be writing your own success and failure stories.You must be trying every time to make things as better as you can, because you know that until unless you put the efforts,you are not going to achieve the goals.

Whereas, "Where my life is taking me to" is a symbol of that you are not trying well enough,moreover it seems like you have given up. It seems like you have left things to happen on its own now. Believe me, if you are not gonna stand up for yourself,life will keep on making you walk the same path. You just cant let the things to get better on its own. You must need to put efforts.Nothing turns on its own.

All to conclude is that, yes,everybody wants to succeed in life, but ups and downs are part & parcel of the journey. But to achieve your goal, all the planning starts from where you start thinking and analysing the ups and downs of your life. A positive thinking gives you path to cross the tunnels, whereas negative path will entangle you within your own darkness.So, all where life takes you to,depends merely on where you drive your life to.

Think positive,

Be positive,

and move ahead

God and luck always favour the brave ones.

Some feelings...

And there was dark outside, some shouting voices in the dark and then there was my silent heart. A heart which was having a feeling of the outer darkness slipping inside itself. The inner environment has probably started to go black, or say blank. Blank did not mean nothing remained there, of course there was something in heart, but it was everything except what he wanted. There were sorrows, pains, wounds and all, but these were all that he had earned in course of time. Not long ago, time was much better for him. Even now, he was getting no idea, how the coin of his life turned over. All the smiles that he owned were lost somewhere with that girl.
You might be wondering who is "that girl"?
In short she was a gem, no, in fact she is still a gem. A girl who entered his life from no where and changed him like anything, however, the sad part was all the changes he could see the difference only after she was gone. Somebody has said those lines true "you only realize what you had only after its lost" . He had no words to describe her but ANGEL OF HIS LIFE.

And later that night when she chose to depart he was left numb and dumb. He could not decide what to say, what to do, how to react,  nothing, he was left blank. Maybe that's when the outer darkness slipped inside him. Later he gained senses, but maybe he had delayed the chances to recover. Irrespective of that he decided to get up and make another effort to get his angel back with her. Taking pain to talk with her again and again even when she was not interested, trying to meet her to talk to her and trying to bring a smile on her face in hope that her smile will bring her back.He did all that was in his arc, but maybe God had planned a longer wait for him.

Now you might be wondering "was it good enough to irritate her even when she was no more interested"?
He was no more in a condition to wonder whether people say it right or wrong. Only thing he had fixed in his mind that its that girl only. Anyhow he had to get that girl back, for those incomplete promises that he swore to keep and maybe failed sometimes keeping those. But yes again maybe it was God's decision to extend his wait.

It was just a matter of few days when boy had told her "if ever comes a day when i cant keep you happy, i'll slowly depart from your life to keep your smile alive" and she had replied something that transformed him like forever "if you love me so much, then instead of leaving me, hold my hand and i'll hold yours. Keep me with you forever and that's all I want" . These were the words that always asked him to hold it back for so long.

He has decided it finally, even when conditions might not be best for him, he'll be there for her forever. Even if she is not going to come back, he will keep at least  this promise to be with her in any possible way. And as he learnt from that girl, he will have faith on almighty that things will turn better someday. But he can't forget her ever, he can't leave her alone ever.

Love cant die, no matter what.......