The Weekend (Saturday)

I had big plans for this weekend. I was going to see her after almost 2 years. Almost 2 years after we broke up. Finally, this was the time when I could spend my whole day with her, and do the things that I should have done earlier, but the time never comes back, stays only the regret. Anyway, this was going to be a great weekend, probably best of my life, or say biggest considering the fact that I was going to propose to her again.

Saturday...

After a grueling 32 hour train journey, which was way cold than expected, I reached there. Ah! New city. First things first, check in to hotel. I called her on phone, with a little more excitement in my voice. I told her that I have reached. She asked me to freshen up and take lunch. We decided to meet in an hour. Heartbeats never ran with this speed for me, ever in my life.

"Come to Metro station, I'll see you there" she said. I was a little nervous, considering I had never been to Metro earlier, but today, I was ready to do anything for her. I managed to be on time. But, dear God have had some waiting plans for me, and damn, each moment was making it harder and harder to wait. After almost half an hour, the train doors opened, there she was, the lady of my dreams. The familiar smile, long hairs tied behind and a few hanging upon her ears, eyes lined with fine kohl, the so lovely grace on her face, She didn't change at all in last 2 years. I could not help myself but smile non-stop with constant look on her face, and why shouldn't I, I waited to have a glimpse of her all these years.

"Let's go shopping first, you must be shivering. We'll buy a jacket for you". She said. Little did she knew that I deliberately left my jacket back at home, just for these moments. There was passion and care in her words. "Sure, let's go highness" I replied with a giggle. She tried out around 5-10 jackets on me before finalizing one, "this one will look good on you, take this". I obliged to her choice. I always did, so beautiful she and her choices were. This went on, we looked for footwear, tops, sweaters, ear-rings for her, it was my pleasure to let her know how beautiful she looked in those ear-rings specially. I always wanted to spend these moments of taking these "decisions" with her, where she smiled, where she felt happy, where I knew that these are the quality moments I will wish for.

"Are you hungry? Hello, I am asking you. Where are you lost?" She said.

I: "Yeah, you bet I am hungry. So what do we get best here?"

She: "We'll take a cheese ball, its very famous at this place. And a coffee with it would be awesome."

I always liked when the talks turned from "me" to "we". It always gave me a feeling of how badly I wanted to be with her.

I: "Orders of your highness will be followed", and we laughed.

We got our order, she brought coffee and I brought cheese ball. She took half of mine, and I constantly kept on looking in her eyes. I remembered that look. 2 years back, I used to see same grace and innocence in her eyes while we used to eat our "pani puri" together, and those were moments that I'll always cherish.

she: "Will you have a sip of coffee?". I noticed a small mark of her lip balm on the top. I couldn't resist but say yes. Though it was cold coffee and I didn’t like it ever, but it's "her" and I was ready to go to any level for her. "Yeah, definitely, why not." I replied.

It was almost 7:30 by that time. "Shall we go for dinner, you must be hungry" She asked.

I: "How far is it from here?"

She: "let's just roam, we'll find something good nearby".

I always loved this attitude of her, no boundaries, just fly free and find whatever available, such was her approach to life, and after meeting to her, probably I moulded myself to the same. And, most lovely part was, when she used to hold my hands while crossing the roads, but this time she didn't, but wasn't that obvious. Anyway, I did. I did hold her shoulders and covered her while crossing roads, probably this was my time to show that how much she means to me, and how much I want to take responsibilities for her.

"Pind baluchi, this is a good restaurant for dinner, I have come here earlier, lets come", she said. "Come on then, finally I am living my fantasy of having a dinner with you. I wish they put the lights dim, to make it a romantic dinner. Ah! see there is a seat under tree (artificial) for us. Oh goodness, it’s a tiring journey of life, m'am and I feel awesome to pause in this journey with none other than you." I said with little humor and more feelings.

She laughed, we laughed, and she pat lightly on my arms. Even after these years, she was always so nice to take these comments in a light manner. I bet no one else can do this, I loved her for her approach to life, as I mentioned. Anyway, it was a tasty delightful dinner with her, yeah first dinner with her. I will always remember this. As soon as we came out, we felt a cold breeze, she suddenly turned back to me with my jacket, "Wear this fast, or you will catch cold, you are so prone to cold. I'll hold it for you". The heart smiled for the affection and care she managed to generate for me. I added laughing "is that you Mom?". 

We boarded metro to head back to our respective places of stay. I dropped her, and kept on watching her until she went. I came back to my station, and called her quickly, "Did you reach home safe?". "Yes", she said, "it's too cold out there, please go to your room as soon as possible and take care". "Bye, good night (sweet heart), see you tomorrow, I'll get movie tickets for tomorrow" I added the last words spoken to her for the day.

Awaited the coming day to happen. I slept with a broad smile on my face.

The Moments

Today when i am standing here
I have some questions
Probably those are for myself
Whatever position i am holding on
In whatever moments i am living today
How many moments have I lost to be here?
When i turn back, I see those moments
Lost moments, far away from me
Some terrifying, some happy
But they are gone long ago
Its impossible to go there again
Like this universe has placed it
Somewhere unreachable in some world
Only whose blurred images are alive
But we can't touch them
Were those moments, memories
Or they were something else?
Did we model those moments
Or did those moments model us?
Were we in those moments
Or those moments were within us?

I look forward and I see more moments
Standing there waiting to be touched
Who knows what those moments contain
But one thing is certain
We will meet some day for sure
But where are they hidden now
I cant see them
Is this some kind of road?
Very riddled road it is
I can't understand which one is road
And which one is traveler
You can't go backwards
You can't go forward at will
You can't even stand still
What kind of riddle is it

I can't help myself but think that
If it has to be like this only
All we have in control is now only
Then why not do the things now
Why to wait for moments to come
Why risk with unpredictable lanes
Let the gone moments be gone
Let the coming moments come
They will come to us someday
Maybe when the time comes
Let's come then
Let's live now
Let's live in these moments
Will you come with me?

The Deafening Silence

On this side of path
There was a river flowing
Maybe, she had to go somewhere.
It had very less water
Probably, she got spent in the way,
Would have been tired
Covering a long distance,
But she was still going on.
God knows, which ocean did she promise to meet,
Who knows when will she meet,
Who knows when will she halt.

On the other side of path
There was sun, setting.
Maybe, he was also tired in due course
Tired burning himself
Tired lighting up the world.
He is going back his home,
To take rest, to relax,
That he'll come back tomorrow
To burn himself hard again
To light this universe again.
But what's his ultimate destination,
Where will he stop, who knows.

Then, i glanced my own path.
I couldn't resist asking myself
This path also had to go somewhere,
If that's so, then where?
Or, it just remains idle here only,
Taking people from one place to other.
The path, it must be ending somewhere
Maybe that's the limit that
It accepts being done with traveler,
I cant go on any further,
Look for someone else

Suddenly, there was a voice
Coming from inside
It was my my own soul,
My own existence
My own heart
My own voice
Questioning me in high pitched voice
Whats your destination?
Whats written in your destiny?
Will you write it yourself?
Or, you'll give even this responsibility
To someone else, and leave?
There was noise of silence
Very unsettling nerving noise
But, nowhere was the answer
The noise was peaking
The silence was deafening,
But there was no answer.

The Quest

Just few days back, i was thinking to express my thoughts over something. Surprisingly i didn't know what to name that feeling, yeah some feeling, but what to name it, i didn't know. You know, it was like my soul is asking me some questions, questions about me, question about how do i do what i do, questions about why do i do what i do, about little yet big aspects; not surprisingly, there were so much that it was hard to concentrate, but again i don't know what those things were pointing to.

Frankly speaking, that was not the first time i was facing this heavy traffic in my grey cells. But, unlike other time, when i just decided to let them be the questions, i decided to find the answers. And, basically, that's what the sole purpose of life is: "To find the answers of questions". This is always a ongoing battle, where at each point of time, you'll be bombarded with questions, and you either rip apart those bombs to find the answers beneath them, or just push those bombs away where you live safe, but you never deploy those bombs this way. But again, there is a thing, if i can live my life peacefully without deploying those bombs, why should i waste my time opening up those bombs and searching for answers. That's, by the way, is another question, and it should be totally judged by a person himself/herself. Anyway, if you fail once with your decision, you know you have learnt it, maybe in little harsh way, but you will learn it for sure.

Now, coming to the questions, it's like, what should i ask myself, how should i dig myself deeper and deeper, in what way. Technically speaking, there is no hard and fast rule, i came across till date. Neither am i the most successful person ever, or some person who has achieved so much in life, to preach others, but what i have felt across in my life span till date, is that if you don't question, there are no answers. You can't just do the things. Also, you cant complicate your life thinking about every small thing. So, there must be a trade-off between this, where the peace lies. And, i think that place will come up totally with experience. I don't know whats the location of that perfect place, but what i know is that i am taking steps, and one day i'll be there.

"The destination will be found, even after wandering,

lost are those, who never left their homes"