Different birthday

And yes there it was, it was his birthday. Generally, a day someone waits for long to celebrate and cheer.

Whenever you think of a b'day, what comes to your mind, some gifts, friends wishing you in their own ways, cakes, party, happiness, smiles and many more like this. Everybody loves to celebrate their day.

But,was he ready to feel these on that day? If he was really willing to get up and shake hands with people wishing him or willing to celebrate with him?

NO.

There was nothing for him to celebrate. For past few days, months or say years, he was not happy, not at all. Disappointments, failures, distances, everything was breaking him down. He was losing the charm in his own life. He didn't want to smile. He didn't want to socialize. He feared to meet new people. He feared to show up the smile and share the thoughts. What he had gone through was not too much others could have seen or felt, but it was turning too much for him to handle.

He had a, say, quite different habit. Everyday, he used to sit alone for some minutes or hours under the dark night.He used to say "And,you know what this calmness of night tells me? It ensures me that I am not alone ever,at least when it is with me.When there is nobody to hold me, it is always there with open arms to embrace me and soothe me. I confess each and everything there.And when i return back to my normal life, i feel a light heart." Those few moments that he used to spend alone, were used to be his best moments of life. Slowly over the course of time,loneliness had become his best friend.

That day as clock ticked 00:00, he moved to terrace,to his best friend over the years, who was still the same through all the years. Calmly he took a chair and sat down. It was a very chilly night. Temperature dipping down, cool winds touching his eyes and few outside noises coming from the nearby buildings. But, he was very still there. Just sitting hands crossed over each other and staring the dark sky and blinking stars. There was not too many emotions on face but a little smile. This night knew what he's been all through, he had a lot to say to this night, but he was just silent to himself. Eyes closed, remembering every person he wanted to be with, but lost. Tiny droplets were coming out of his eyes.He didn't wipe them off, he just let it flow down the cheeks,probably thats how he could have let those memories go.The moments had made him so numb that he didn't even realise the weather turning more cool. The winds got stronger but he didn't move from there. There was nothing that could have separated him from his best friend that night. Slowly he started pouring all his past over there again, in a hope that all the bad things get eloped with the darkness and once again he'll come up with a light mind and heart.After around 3-4 hours, when was done with all his emotions and feelings poured, he came back to his room, but this was a different day, he was not light today.His eyes, his voice, his feelings, his heart, they were still heavy.

It was first time he felt so even after such a long session with darkness.That was just a clear answer of how much broken he was that day.

He cried again, shouted like anything. He punched walls with all his force. He slapped himself as hard as he could have done. He threw things abruptly here and there. He was still feeling broken.Losing all the energy he had inside, he just sat over the floor,and dint knew when he fell asleep.Next morning he woke up,but the wounds were still fresh. As usual he kept all his feelings inside,and with a fake smile on his face,he went ahead to tackle the day and the world out there.

There was nothing special on his birthday,except him breaking down over all the silly things once again and trying to rebuild himself.But, he has lost a part of himself forever,and with no intentions of getting it back, he decided to get up and walk like nothing happened to him ever.

It was a good decision to keep the sorrows within him,because nobody,just nobody deserves to share your problems.Its you and only you who need to understand,tackle and mould yourself out of yourself only.