Questions

Let me start off with a joke

Kid: Sir, may I ask you a question?

Teacher: You just asked.

Kid: Can I ask you two questions?

Teacher: You just asked that too.

Kid: Can I ask you four questions?

Teacher: You did that too.

Kid: When?

Teacher: Now.

Funny? Or not funny, whatever, but did you just understand the point of this joke?

The most important part of life is, to ask questions. And most important part of asking question, is to ask the RIGHT question. I am no preacher, not a perfect "question-asker" either, but I know and let me tell you, the life is full of questions and answers. At every point of time you will have many unanswered questions, and unquestioned answers. Sometimes you may even feel like you are into some kind of "match the column" problem, where one column contains questions, and other answers. But, all you need to do then, is to calm yourself down, relax, because you can never see through until the fog settles down.

Every single day, from the time you wake up, to the time when you go to sleep, you will, take my words, you WILL face questions at every other moment. Shall i go by cab or bus? shall i take noodles or fruit salad for breakfast? Shall i attend the classes today or not? Shall i propose to her today or not? Shall I be able to find a flat today or not? Will i be able to complete the project before deadline or not? Will i have enough money to buy that saree for mom or not? Will I survive the day or not? There are many, in that tiny brain of yours. Some have answers, for some, its better not to find answers, some are just unanswerable.

Even I have plethora of questions in my mind, probably my mind has 10 times the traffic compared to Bangalore traffic, but as I said, no, no, no, as I have LEARNED over the years is that, when you let your brain relax, you let the roads widen, and then the traffic is vanished. When there is a question, if you think calmly, there is another question following up that. That follow up question will lead you to the topmost stairs of the terrace (problem) you are standing at. When you retrospect more, you will find where the stairs started, you will see the ground, and when you are on ground, that is when you can show as much heroics you want. There is the place, where you show your acrobatics now. You are no superhero to do 10 stunts while flying, but you are a human, who can do anything when you are in your strong zone. Your ground is your appropriate question, search answers on ground, not in air. My father always tells me, Stick to your strength. Over the course of years, you will realise your strength, and if you have not, its time to come few stairs down and see the world from bottom, because that is where everything has started.

Did you see the movie, Kung-fu-panda? Master Oogway says "Your mind is agitated like this water. Thats why you can't see, but if you allow it to settle, then only the answer becomes clear". 

That is all I had to say. Just relax, instead of getting panicked, be calm and sound, there are answers.

El Niño and La Niña

And, It's raining today
See the caravan of dark pitched clouds up there
And, the gush of breezes accompanying
How comforting are they
These raindrops, big drops of rain
Bent slightly with the wind
Pricking the palms, those drops
As you put your hands out there
But, isn't that the real joy?
Enjoy the life
Enjoy this rain

See how on those windows
Raindrops hit and slide down the glass
See how on those neighboring rooftops
Drops gather around in those small holes
See how on those mango trees
Drops drip down those leaves, onto the ground
See how beneath that small balcony
That bird shrugs raindrops off its wings

Until yesterday, the balcony where you didnt put a foot
Because the floor was burning up
Until yesterday, the windows which were shut
Because else the sun rays will burn us
Until yesterday, the fans which never went off
Because that hot it was, the weather
Today, that floor has cooled down
The windows have been opened
Fans have been turned off, because
Breeze out there is comforting
It's raining Sir,
Rain has arrived
Enjoy the life
Enjoy this rain

Moments later, this rain will vanish probably
Tearing apart those clouds, sun will come back
Some straight, some slanted, oblique-angled
Will be hitting again
But, that will happen a moment later
If anything, think now of present
Who knows, maybe that Sun also soothes tomorrow
Live the life in now
Think tomorrow about the tomorrow
It's raining now
Enjoy the life
Enjoy this rain

बारिश

और आज बारिश हो रही है
आसमा में छाए ये काले बादलों का कारवाँ
और साथ में लहराते ये ठंडे हवा के झोंके
कितना सुकून देते हैं ये मन को
बारिश की बूँदें ये,काफी बड़ी बड़ी हैं
हवा से तिरछी सी हो चली है बारिश
थोड़ा हाथों में चुभती सी भी है ये
जो हाथ बरामदे से बाहर निकालो तो
पर यही तो असली मज़ा है
ज़िन्दगी के मजे लो
इस बारिश के मजे लो

कैसे वो काँच की खिड़की से
बारिश की बूँदें नीचे सरक रही हैं
कैसे वो पड़ोस वाले छत पे
छोटे छोटे गड्ढों में पानी भर रहा है
कैसे वो सामने वाले आम के पेड़ के
पत्तों से पानी बूँद बूँद कर ज़मीं को छू रहा है
कैसे वो छोटे से छज्जे के नीचे वो
चिड़िया पंखों से पानी सुखा रही है

कल तलक जिस बरामदे में पाँव न रखते थे
क्यूंकि ज़मीं गरम सी होती थी
कल तलक जो खिड़कियाँ बंद होती थी
क्यूंकि धूप आएगी घर में
कल तलक जो पंखे बंद ना होते थे
क्यूंकि गर्मी बहुत ज्यादा थी
आज वो बरामदे की ज़मीन ठंडा गयी है
वो खिड़कियां खुल गयी हैं
पंखे बंद हो चले हैं, क्यूंकि
बरामदे की ये हवा बहुत सुकून दे रही है
बारिश हो रही है ज़नाब
बारिश आ गयी है
ज़िन्दगी के मजे लो
इस बारिश के मजे लो

पल भर बाद बारिश शायद थम जाएगी
काले स्याह बादलों को चीर के
वो सूरज की किरणें फिर आएगी
कभी सीधी, तो कभी थोड़ी आड़ी तिरछी सी
फिर चुभेगी वो किरणें
पर वो तो पल भर बाद होगा
अभी तो बस अब की सोचिये
क्या पता वो सूरज भी कल भा जाये
ए इंसा, जिंदगी इस पल में जियो
कल की कल सोच लेना
अभी बारिश हो रही है
ज़िन्दगी के मजे लो
इस बारिश के मजे लो

The Rescue Plane

** 7 P.M, July 7 **

Just few hours more and i'll be with her, celebrating her 23rd birthday. I was waiting for this day so long. Not only because, it was my girlfriend's birthday, but more importantly, it was her first birthday after getting the job she always dreamt of. We had been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years, and amidst all ups and downs, we held it pretty good. She is destined to have more happiness than ever and, what better gift it could have been to pay a surprise visit on her birthday. It was already 7 pm on clock and i was stuck at my work. I had a flight at 9, almost two hours' journey and then about half an hour through cab to her residence. I wished everything to be just on time. Anyhow, I was just able to convince my boss, left the office, and hurried to airport. 

Bam!!! that plethora of traffic, lucky that I managed to be at airport by 8 pm. Seemed like, the universe wanted me to be with her, or at least i thought so, that's so characteristically optimistic of me. Boarding pass, security check, luggage and blah blah blah, but all I was thinking was about her reaction. I boarded the plane.

** 9 P.M, July 7, In Flight **

Plane took off and I was admiring the city from that height. It looked beautiful and suddenly it started to grow a little dark. There were clouds. I thought they might be a little, as per the weather forecast everything was supposed to be okay. But no, it grew darker and darker. We were in all darkness and the plane suddenly faced some turbulence, once, then again. There was panic spreading, and probably the flight crew were well aware of that. They made an announcement about the situations, "It's unexpectedly cloudy, and we have some turbulence, but all the passengers are advised to remain seated and fasten their seat belts. We are trying our best to overcome the situation. You all are safe, there is no need to panic." But, there was. I knew it. I have traveled multiple times through planes, but never saw something like this. Suddenly, there was a lighting strike, right next to plane and that was definitely horrifying. I heard some voices, some shouting, some praying, some saying something. Crew was trying to get them to seats and somehow calm them. And I was asking myself, "Will I be able to see her for one last time?". 

The plane had lost all connections from control room and the instruments stopped working, the pilots too didn't know what to do. They were just trying their best to save plane from crashing right in middle. Out of nowhere, some lights appeared. Is it some airport light? That was series of lights. That gave a sudden rise in hopes and pilots decided to go towards that light, just in hope that they might make an emergency landing. But, the light started getting closer and closer. No, they were certainly not some airport lights. OMG!!! that was another plane. The sparking blue luminous lights. 

While people were as afraid as earlier or maybe more, yeah me too, I was no brave hearts either, I saw that series of lights coming almost parallel to our flight. Before I could even think or analyse about it, there was another announcement. "Passengers, this is your captain, We have a good news that we have a rescue plane here for our help. They are going to guide us, and I want all of you to relax now. We are safe now. Relax, Ladies and Gentleman, The prayers paid off." 

Meanwhile, in cockpit, the situation was a bit too different than described. None of the instruments were working, and out of thin air, they received some signal on the microphone which said "We know you are in trouble, we are here to save you, please follow us, and don't be afraid. We have done it multiple times. You are in safe hands. We will guide you out of clouds." The pilots had no choice, but they were shocked, shaken to depth, as how did that microphone work first of all and what kind of plane is it? They discussed, kept their calm and decided to take a chance, as they knew that they have no chance to survive this huge chunk of clouds and lightning strikes. "Copy that, we are following you". That was just a gamble, but they had to take the chance. And then the "Mystery plane" or say "Rescue plane" started leading the plane, guiding it.

Whenever, I used to feel scared, usually I went into pin drop silence, I never knew why. But, today was something different, because there are no blue lights on a plane, never. But, the optimistic me said that probably today is something different, how often there is something like this is heard of, seriously a "rescue plane" to rescue another plane? If I survive today, I am going to propose her, and if I don't, then i'll stop thinking such crap because then it won't matter. "Ugghh, how do I always manage to crack stupid jokes?"

Few minutes later, we were out of clouds, and mysteriously "The rescue plane" was nowhere. We were probably safe, but what in the name of God was that plane? "A hero? Superman's plane? Really, how could I come up with such names in such situation." I thanked God for whatever it was, but we all survived. The plane landed safely at 11 pm. 

** 12 A.M, July 8 **
I was outside her residence, I called her to come out. Her shell shocked version could not believe it, mostly because I said that I'll be very busy in an important meeting at this time and I couldn't even call her at this time. Of course, I lied. I had brought her favorite sea shells collection, her favorite dress, and myself on knees with a ring in my hands. "Will you give me a gift on your birthday please? Will you marry me?".

"Yes", she said with tears in her eyes, probably of happiness, or love, yeah love.

** 11 P.M., July 7, Airport **
The pilots were terrified and relaxed at same time. They just raced ahead of a certain tragic crash. They had witnessed more than any of the passengers did. They rushed to the control room to inquire about the rescue plane. The records said that there was no such plane on radar. 

Only there was a plane crash which killed all the passengers, years ago.

I'll Write

That night when I stared into the sky, there were many stars, shining, some glowing and some twinkling with little less of glow. What a diverse world, a huge huge huge space out there it is, and how significant is the part that is visible to us. Forget even that, even the part that we are able to see, there are countless number of stars in it. But, that's not the point. The point is, even those stars are huge in real. They burn too and glow like anyone else. They live their own life, they burn in their own due course of time. Maybe, other stars are bigger, maybe they have more impact on universe than some other star, but still they are not the same.

I always liked writing, it was my passion. In my school time, I always tried to play with the lyrics of songs, in hope of creating something of my own. Sometimes. I used to predict what next line of that song will be, just to check how good am I at rhyming. That was my first exposure to this world. I am not the best, nor I was. But, I know one thing that I like it. Give me some free time, and all I'll come up with, are some lines, some poetic, some just plain simple lines trying to encapsulate my pain. This is what that gives me pleasure. Whenever I departed from a phase of my life, I took some fragments of those memories with me. That increased the weight on my back though, but they gave me moments and inspirations to write. 

When I was 17, I wrote a song, that was my first song. I tried to give some music to it, I couldn't, because I was not putting the feelings into it. I was late to understand the game of emotions, but with continuous trials, one day when I found myself really in the place, I found one of the missing parts of that jigsaw puzzle, it's a feeling that takes birth right from the shallowest of corners of heart, it never comes out of your mind, never. 

Almost three and half years later, one morning, I just woke up to admire the beauty of rising sun. That was indeed a new rise in my life, I'll say. I wrote something random about morning. Few minutes later, I felt more words running down my mind, I wrote another one, and one more to follow. That evening, I then pushed myself to write about evening and night. However, those didn't turn out that good. Probably, I was pushing myself a bit too hard, and I forgot that it comes out of heart, and not mind, never. Few days later, I wrote some 3-4 poems for friends on eve of friendship day. I just felt good, and i hope they did too.

One good day, a friend of mine suggested me to start writing blogs and post the poems and articles there. Yes people, it's this place. I started to write, but that was very discontinuous. I used to write over long intervals. But, I never hurried myself into it, because I wanted to come it straight out of heart, when it feels like writing and expressing. Almost, another 2 years later, I made my first attempt to write a Hindi poem, and as per usual routine, I sent the link to everyone to read it.

As they say, time and tide take unexpected turns, it did for me too. With my fellow classmates putting their time and effort in some very catchy technical work or even in doing some heart warming social work, I was wondering, whether am I putting my time in correct place? People going for start-up business, earning money out of it, and then there I was sending links to people and requesting them to read and give the review. I mean that was pretty tidy work, especially considering that for other people, their work spoke for themselves and there was no need for them to request people and bug others, like I used to do. I decided to be with my writing that day. I am putting my pen to a stop.

Next morning, I received a call from my father about my poem. He liked that. My first attempt at a Hindi poem, and my dad praises me. He even asked me to gift him a poem for his 55th birthday. What could have been a better turn of tide than this for me? That made me really rethink about my decision of putting my pen and passion down.

There is one message that I want to give, though I am not that great person to do so, but people, do what you are passionate for, every one is special in their own way. I just hope that one day i'll do more justice to the faith put in me by my dad and by my pen. Why to see other stars and wonder about their glow, and why not just write our own fate?

I am still writing, and I'll, irrespective of whether it is profitable or popular, because this is my passion. Just like everyone else is following their passion, I'll follow the path that I want to go on.
I'll write.

पिता

जो इस दुनिया में नया जीवन स्वरूप ले हम आये
कहा हमको भगवान का रूप ले नन्ही जान हैं आये
पर उस नन्हे को मिले भगवान के साये
जो मात-पिता कहलाये।

सबने कहा कितना बड़ा दिल माँ का
सुकून देती हमें सारे जहाँ का
इस भाँति कहीं जिक्र न पाया आपका
महत्व एक संतान समझती है फिर भी पिता का
एक ढाल के जैसे हर संकट से बचाना वो एक पिता का
या हो हर वक़्त चलना थाम कर हमारे हाथ का।

यादों के शहर के सड़को पर वापस जाते हैं
तो ढलती शाम में, आपकी राह तकते खुद को पाते हैं।
वक़्त हो चला आफिस से आने का, पापा आते होंगे
शायद मेरे लिए खिलोने और मिठाइयाँ लाते होंगे।
नादानी में न जाने कितनी बार दिल दुखाया
पर अडिग उस पिता को हमेशा पास पाया।
उन खामोशियों क पीछे जाने कितनी कहानियां थी,
शायद हम जान नहीं पाये,वो क्या वीरानियाँ थी।

वक़्त वो भी था जब हमारे लिए, लिए कुछ कठोर कदम,
थोड़े दूर तो थे, पर फिर भी पास थे हम।
खुद की खुशियों को मानो, न्योछावर कर दिया,
एक पिता से पूछो, संतान के लिए उसने क्या क्या किया।
एक पिता ही कर सकता है इतना सब,
संग लिए मुस्कान की वो सबब।
पल भर एहसास न होने दिया अपनी तकलीफ का ,
आज आपसे सीख रहा हूँ, पाठ तहज़ीब का।
एक दिन जब उसी मुकाम पर हम आएंगे,
तब बारीकी से वो लम्हे जान पाएंगे ,
पर तब तक सदा आपके गुण गाएँगे।

इस अवसर पर आपके लिए तोहफा सोचना मुश्किल है,
आपके प्यार से भरी अंतर्मन की ये महफ़िल है।
बयां लफ्जों में न कर सकें,जो आपने दिया उम्र भर
वो बेइन्तहां खुशियां, और प्यार जी भर कर।
आपके सारे सपने पूरा करूँगा मैं ,
पिता मिला मुझे आप जैसा, प्रभु का शुक्र गुजार रहूँगा मैं। 

Importance

Read Hindi translation here: अहमियत

The life knows how to teach everything at right time,
Even then, time to time it teases us at its prime.
Probably, it's like a strict teacher,
Leaves marks of experience at each corner.
Nothing happens either pre-maturely, nor late,
Moments pass and remains memories and fate.
Every turn in this path has importance,
You might skip any, that has no chance.

Its important to lose things that you own in life,
Otherwise we wont understand what having is like.
Take the tears for instance, who loves them shedding
But, if its not for them, whats the value of laughing?
Or, just see these seasons, Sir
when warm, we ask for rain and winter.
When pours, we wish for it to pause and stop
In winters, we dream for summer nights to hop.
We come back to same place, and there goes wheel
This heart never gets satisfaction, continues to reel.

They kept on calling in shrilled voices to glance back once,
I kept on moving, asking them to wait for few more moments.
Years later, when the silence spread out around,
And, sparked the thought of going back in mind,
Turned back, but nothing was there to be found.
Cried my hearts out, banged head with hands,
Childhood memories kept flashing at backhands.
Now, when i have lost everything of yours,
These memories haunt me behind the doors.
I Remember when on shoulders, you used to carry
Thinking those as helicopter and plane, were moments of merry.
How you used to wriggle at my slightest "aah",
Remember your lullabies, and patted me to sleep.
But everything has passed,
Its neither the same time, nor the same moments.
You remember? Do you?
Only memories are alive,
Only memories are alive.

This time life taught me once again,
Opened my eyes, don't let another chance go in vain.
Neither the time is going to turn back, nor the paths,
I wish now to get burnt with these flames.
I don't know what's right and wrong at the moment,
The wound is very deep and very frequent.
But what's use of all this now,
Everything is over, let it go.
Life has also moved on, like some big chapter,
Whom to claim, who will ponder?
Will try to find, if there is any humanity left inside to take stance,
Reckless this life, else will teach once again the Importance.

अहमियत

Read English translation here: Importance.

ये जिंदगी सब कुछ सही समय पर सिखाना जानती है,

वक़्त बेवक़्त जाने फिर भी हमें कितना तरसाती  है। 

शायद एक कठोर शिक्षक की भाँति है यह,

तजुर्बे की छाप छोड़ जाती है हर मोड़ पर वह। 

ना ये वक़्त से पहले कुछ होने देती है, ना वक़्त के बाद,

ये भी सही है कि लम्हे गुजर जाते हैं, रह जाती है बस याद। 

लम्बे से इस सफर में राह का हर मोड़ अहम है,

बच निकलेगा कहीं से, ये तेरा वहम् है। 

जिंदगी में अहम है अपनी चीजों का खोना,

वर्ना शायद हम न समझें कि क्या होता है होना। 

आंसुओं को ही देख लो, किसे पसंद है कभी रोना,

पर जो ये न हो तो कौन जानेगा क्या होता है हसीं का होना। 

अब इस मौसम को ही ले लीजिये न आप जनाब,

गर्म होता है तो कहते हैं, सर्द और बारिश लाजवाब,

बारिश होती है तो कहता है, थम जा अब, 

सर्द में कहते हैं, सही थी वो गर्मी की शब। 

वापस वहीँ जाते हैं, चलता है फिर से ये चक्का,

मन नहीं मानता, हो कर कभी किसी एक का। 

वो बरबस आवाज़ लगाते रहे, देख तो लो एक बार मुड़ कर,

हम कहते रहे, रुक-ठहर, अभी जाने दे मुझे, थोड़ी देर सब्र कर। 

अर्से बाद जब गहरा सन्नाटा छाया, 

और मुड़ने का ख्याल जहन में आया,

पीछे पलट कर देखा तो तुझे कहीं न पाया। 

फूट फूट कर रोये, सर पीटा हमने अपना,

याद आता रहा तेरे संग बीता जो बचपना। 

अब जब खो चुका मैं सब कुछ तेरा,

तब जा कर इन यादों के साये ने मुझे घेरा। 

याद है जब वो बचपन में कंधे पर बिठाते थे,

वही हेलीकाप्टर और प्लेन समझ खिलखिलाते थे। 

हर छोटी सी आह पर कैसे तड़प जाते थे,

याद है गोद में लोरियाँ गाकर हमें सुलाते थे। 

पर सब कुछ तो चला गया है,

न वो पल है, न वह लम्हे है, और न वो वक़्त है। 

याद है तुम्हें ?

याद ही तो है बस,

याद ही तो है बस। 

अब के बार भी सिखा गयी ये जिंदगी मुझे,

आँखे खोल दी कि अगली बार अहमियत सूझे। 

न वह समय मुड़ने वाला है, न ये राह,

चाहत है जैसे मुझे भी जला दे ये दाह। 

नहीं मालूम हमें क्या सही, क्या गलत इस वक़्त,

पर चोट बहुत गहरी है और घाव बहुत ही सख्त।

क्या फायदा इन सब का लेकिन, 

वो सब तो जा चुका, बीत गए वो दिन। 

जिंदगी भी बढ़ गयी, जो लम्बी सी हो कोई आयत,

किससे करें गिला, शिकवा और शिकायत। 

ढूढेंगे अगर बची हो जहन में जो इंसानियत,

निर्दय ये जिंदगी, वरना बेवक़्त फिर सिखा जाएगी अहमियत। 

Forest of Life

While going through my journey,
I saw many trees on roadside.
In fact, that was a path between forests.
Trees and trees on both sides of road,
Standing in a row, one after another,
And many more behind them.
I thought to take a pause and explore
The breathtaking artistry of God.
How did he put all these in this fashion?
Is it just some normal thing or anything else?
There must be many more like these, i suppose.
And, we cut them down to make houses for us?
How reckless we are? Did they not feel pain?
But, had we not done this, then what?
These chairs, table, furniture, windows, doors
And all those elements of comfort,
How would have been our life without those?
Still, how logical was it to make them sacrifice?
Was that correct what we did?
What do we know all these Sir,
Our ancestors must have thought something.

When i ran my sight through that dense forest,
Found similarities with life's structure.
We also stand in a row,
One after another, following others.
Who asks for others in this big world,
All trees have to grow on their own,
So that they can grab the most of sunlight.
All these are struggles, to survive, no other option.
And, these small new born ones,
What will happen to them?
How will they survive without sunlight?
Those big ones cover their sky.
So dense is the forest, that
Even light doesn't penetrate through.
But, some trees are flexible, swinging with air
Making little space available for small ones
Some of those grab the fingers of small ones
They wrap around them, to have a Godfather.
Somehow, they come up, to see the sky.

Presumably, life is also the same.
Some big people try to grab all,
Some of them are very nice people,
They give chances to smaller ones.
They let them have some facilities to grow.
Then, there are those smaller ones,
Either you fight for growth and survival,
Or, you die right there, no world for weak.
Sometimes, grab support of big people
On other times, by adjusting self as per conditions.
Finding ways of survival and growth,
But, that makes the forest denser, isn't it?

There, that is how forest and life are not same,
Doesn't matter how dense is the life's forest,
As long as there are good trees,
Smaller one will keep on sprouting.
This forest will keep on expanding its wings,
But, why do we say big or small
Powerful or weak
Rich or poor
Intelligent or fool
In the end, all are same only
Similar life lies beneath everyone.

And one day, you will be hunted down
To make life easier for someone else.
No one will come to justify right or wrong,
Saying probably, that was for best.

The Weekend (Monday)

Read The Weekend (Sunday) here.

Read The Weekend (Saturday) here.

Monday...

Well, Monday is not always counted in weekend, indeed there are Monday Blues, but there's no harm extending your weekend. Anyway, whatever was going on for past 2 days, it was worth it. It was last day for me to be with her. I have had a hard time sleeping, especially after what happened yesterday. I was afraid whether she will come or not. But, there is always something special, and that’s why I loved her. She called me, gave me time, and asked me to meet. I always knew, it's not a yes, but indeed it was her generosity, and appreciation for what I had done. Probably, at the end of the day, even if you don’t have results, you must have something good to smile about.

As usual, metro station, "Will you be able to come by 3 pm?" She asked. Who was I anyway to deny her ever. And, what else was common, wait, wait and wait. After almost an hour, she called me back, "Can you come to my station, and pick me up, we'll go together". I picked her up, and then she asked "What did you have had in lunch?".

"Nothing", I replied. It was hard to eat anything, I wasn’t willing at all.

 "Are you mad? Why are you doing this? Come eat something first", She commanded (almost).

I: "Relax, I have no complaints from you at all, I was just not feeling like eating. Can we sit for some time? My bag is way too heavy to carry".

She: "Ok, give some things to me, if that reduces the weight off your back".

I took out the gift that I had brought for her. She gave a strange look, I was familiar of that look. Once upon a time, that was symbol of love, symbol of her smiling the very next moment. She did, she smiled, not sure about love though.

I: "I totally respect your decision, I am totally okay with it. I am happy being with you in whatever way possible. Just be happy. I just got this one for you before coming here, and I'll be happy if you accept it. This one is for you." She accepted it. "Now, come and eat something. Okay let's go KFC, I am sure you haven't been there ever", She took me there. I have had my lunch with her. There was no change in her behavior, such was her strength.

She: "Let's go Gurudwara."

I: "But, it will be too late by the time we come back. We have to go for shopping also."

She: "How often do you come here? Just come once with me. You will like it for sure."

Whenever, she just used the phrase "with me", it got me butterflies in my stomach. "Let's go then", I replied smilingly. We went there, listened to prayers together. It was always so pleasant, similar to 3 years back when she pulled me to temple, when she holded my hands and made me feel what I meant for her. "Hey, see out there, it looks beautiful", my thoughts were interrupted by her voice, and yeah, the Gurudwara did look beautiful. And even beautiful was, to know that the person you love most is standing right besides you, but sometimes, the distance is way too much.

It was late evening, as we came out, "let's shop for some time, then we'll go for dinner", I suggested.  She choose t-shirts for me, yeah she did, and few presents for my sister too. It was always joyful, shopping with her. She was so exciting and adventurous, I must say. While walking, a guy with some stall on road side shouted "Brother, take this from our shop, God will bless the pair of you two". Both of us burst into laughter. I almost hugged her, saying "C'mon, let's do this, may be this is the only chance for me to have you." I used to see couples after going through tough phases, and they didn't even talk to each other now, so, considering that, shouldn't I be appreciating the way she is with me now, so cool and so friendly, like she promised that day.

We have had our dinner, and then we had to take a small walk, the tough one, maybe last one for the "Weekend". I told her, how much I appreciate and like the way we two are together. She smiled back, she didn’t say a word, but her smile had much more to say. Those were the good things that her smile conveyed. She boarded down at my metro station, to see me off. I holded her hands for a while, she bid me bye, with smiles and wishes. She went out of my sight in a minute or so. I stood there watching her go, "no, I have to see her, I have to, one more time." I ran down the stairs to her platform. There she was, standing there, tucking her hairs behind her ears, she had boarded the metro, but it was yet to depart. I stood there, watching her smile, like the last time I watched her, doing the same smile, way back in time. That was the last hand waving for the "weekend". That was it, but it was full of good moments, and I always believed in counting better moments over bad ones. Good moments define the way to live life, don’t they?

I will make another weekend happen with you, for many more times in my life, I promise.

The Weekend (Sunday)

Read The Weekend (Saturday) here.

Sunday...

After a much satisfactory day, compared to what I imagined, time was to move on to next day. I woke up early in the morning, such was the anticipation. Even more than yesterday, and why shouldn't it be, I was going to do it again. After this much time, after this long wait, I was going to ask her again. I took out the card that I got prepared for her. I was yet to fill it up with words. But, what words could have described the feelings in best way possible, probably at that moment, answer was "none". I stood up to mirror, trying to rehearse what I was going to say to her, but I fumbled, or maybe I was emotionless, a null face with some jumbling words. "Huh, am I going to scare her or what, Buck up yourself man!!" I told myself. I got up and freshened up, thinking for words to speak to her all this while.

I called my best friend, " Gosh!!! Why the hell is she not receiving the call at the most important time. Okay, call someone else, yeah here it is". After almost a discussion of 10-15 minutes, there I was, again unsure of what to write. 2 years ago, she had told me once that, in conditions, where I am too tense, I should listen to myself because that is the best thing to do, yes I am going to do that now. Anyway, she told me that she likes my writing. Bingo!! Perfect time for that. Finally, I wrote it, I filled up the card with best possible words up to my caliber, ending with a question, "May I?".

"Hello!! Where are you, we have movie at 12:30, its already 11:30, come fast or else we'll be late" I told her on phone. "You come to metro, I'll meet you there, I am just ready, I will come soon", she added and put the phone down. I brought two big chocolates, which she always loved, along with the card which I eventually got ready to be presented for the occasion. Whenever girls take time to ready, you need to admit that its always worth it. Yes, it is, she looked stunning beautiful today, but just a regular thing for her. She arrived at 12:30, we went to movie from there, though we missed the starting, but anyway, nothing mattered more than her company. I kept on looking at her during all those love songs that came along, her smile and sparkle in the eyes, oh man!! They can make me fall in love with her all over, at any point of time. After the movie, she took me to McDonalds, thanks to GPS facility in mobile phones. All this time, she kept on talking and talking and clicking pictures. I always loved that, I always loved the way she talked continuously, taking up the charge and the way she used to set the conversations on fire with her so simple approach of talking.

"Let's go to CyberHub, its very good place, kind of corporate place, but I bet you will love the scenery" She told. What else I'd wish. I wanted to spend quality time with her, at some place in solitude. We went there. It was quite cold there, but worth spending time with someone. She clicked some more pics of mine, and some selfies too. Pics with her, ah!! Why I didn’t do it last time, but as I said "time never comes back, stays only the regret".

"Will you have a cup of coffee, good for this cold" She asked me.

"yeah, sure, and we'll term this special show "Coffee with Mr. Awesome", and I'll be your host for the entertainment today", I said, as I saw a glimpse of smile on her face. I purposefully tipped my cup of coffee over my fingers, "oh, it's too hot, can I hold your hands, they would be cold" I said. She smiled but she took my hands in her hands and cupped my fingers with both her hands. This was the thing that I will remember for years. Her touch, her hands being in my hands, we holding the hands together, what a feeling. I was continuously smiling, "finally, I am able to hold your hands in my hands" I said, she smiled, "so do you feel better now?". Then she showed me her previous work place and other places, they were worth watching. I was quite impressed, but there was something more beautiful. Walking along with her in that cold evening with she being so actively involved, that reminded me of our old times, old dreams.

We came back for dinner at Hotel Sarvana Bhawan, as the attendant announced my name, "A table for 2, sir please have a seat there." As we finished up a sophisticated dinner with lots and lots of food sharing (that’s lovely), I offered her the chocolates which I brought for her. I was a little afraid when we discussed her long term opinions on life, but I was happy at same time that she wanted to live freely.

"I can't wait anymore, I have one more gift for you, this card" I said as we were taking a walk post dinner.

"Oh!! We have discussed this multiple times, I'll read the card later, and seriously you still think this will work?" she responded, as she saw what I wrote for her.

**P.S. I love you**. But there was no anger in her words, just a mild denial.

I: "2 years back, at some point of time, you wanted me to take steps, make efforts to get to you, to make you feel that you are important to me, that's what I am trying to do"

She: "But I have prio.."

I interrupted her, "I know, I totally understand your priorities, and I respect them. I want you to concentrate on your career, I don’t want to be a burden to you. I want to support you"

She: "See, what we have now, is so awesome. We are going so good as friends. And, I don’t need someone's support. I am good with my efforts."

I: " I want to walk along with you. I am not asking you to talk to me every day like for hours, give your time to your career. I want a name for our relationship. I want to take a step ahead."

She: "If I am not giving you time, it won't make much sense to commit with you. I will not be happy myself, doing this to you. You are a good person, and I appreciate because you did this."

I: "I understand, you are also right, but just think, I have no issue, and I'll do anything that I need for this to work"

She: "You came this far for this only, had you asked earlier, you might not have needed to take this much pain for me"

I: "I would have missed the moments. I want to make the relationship exist in person, not on Facebook and WhatsApp, this relationship with you means a lot to me."

She did not say anything, but she smiled, she stood beside me all the while, during the ride back to home, in metro. As she was leaving, I told her  "I'll be happy with whatever you decide, because I want you to be happy. What you did for me all this time, I'll be thankful to you always, whatever be the day." She smiled and waved her hands, as we bid bye. I watched her go. I came back to my hotel. She called me asking whether I reached home. There were glimpses of tears late night. But, I was happy. My best friend, she called me, asking what happened, she advised me to move on, but I have decided to stay for her. I'll stay for her, I'll wait for her. Her happiness and her being with the falls and rise of life, is more important for me. I wiped the drops off my face, but I was happy for her.

I slept, anticipating, if she will even come to meet tomorrow, Will she? What way she will respond? I did not know, but I knew, that I am happy for being with a person, so open and practical with thoughts.

The Weekend (Saturday)

I had big plans for this weekend. I was going to see her after almost 2 years. Almost 2 years after we broke up. Finally, this was the time when I could spend my whole day with her, and do the things that I should have done earlier, but the time never comes back, stays only the regret. Anyway, this was going to be a great weekend, probably best of my life, or say biggest considering the fact that I was going to propose to her again.

Saturday...

After a grueling 32 hour train journey, which was way cold than expected, I reached there. Ah! New city. First things first, check in to hotel. I called her on phone, with a little more excitement in my voice. I told her that I have reached. She asked me to freshen up and take lunch. We decided to meet in an hour. Heartbeats never ran with this speed for me, ever in my life.

"Come to Metro station, I'll see you there" she said. I was a little nervous, considering I had never been to Metro earlier, but today, I was ready to do anything for her. I managed to be on time. But, dear God have had some waiting plans for me, and damn, each moment was making it harder and harder to wait. After almost half an hour, the train doors opened, there she was, the lady of my dreams. The familiar smile, long hairs tied behind and a few hanging upon her ears, eyes lined with fine kohl, the so lovely grace on her face, She didn't change at all in last 2 years. I could not help myself but smile non-stop with constant look on her face, and why shouldn't I, I waited to have a glimpse of her all these years.

"Let's go shopping first, you must be shivering. We'll buy a jacket for you". She said. Little did she knew that I deliberately left my jacket back at home, just for these moments. There was passion and care in her words. "Sure, let's go highness" I replied with a giggle. She tried out around 5-10 jackets on me before finalizing one, "this one will look good on you, take this". I obliged to her choice. I always did, so beautiful she and her choices were. This went on, we looked for footwear, tops, sweaters, ear-rings for her, it was my pleasure to let her know how beautiful she looked in those ear-rings specially. I always wanted to spend these moments of taking these "decisions" with her, where she smiled, where she felt happy, where I knew that these are the quality moments I will wish for.

"Are you hungry? Hello, I am asking you. Where are you lost?" She said.

I: "Yeah, you bet I am hungry. So what do we get best here?"

She: "We'll take a cheese ball, its very famous at this place. And a coffee with it would be awesome."

I always liked when the talks turned from "me" to "we". It always gave me a feeling of how badly I wanted to be with her.

I: "Orders of your highness will be followed", and we laughed.

We got our order, she brought coffee and I brought cheese ball. She took half of mine, and I constantly kept on looking in her eyes. I remembered that look. 2 years back, I used to see same grace and innocence in her eyes while we used to eat our "pani puri" together, and those were moments that I'll always cherish.

she: "Will you have a sip of coffee?". I noticed a small mark of her lip balm on the top. I couldn't resist but say yes. Though it was cold coffee and I didn’t like it ever, but it's "her" and I was ready to go to any level for her. "Yeah, definitely, why not." I replied.

It was almost 7:30 by that time. "Shall we go for dinner, you must be hungry" She asked.

I: "How far is it from here?"

She: "let's just roam, we'll find something good nearby".

I always loved this attitude of her, no boundaries, just fly free and find whatever available, such was her approach to life, and after meeting to her, probably I moulded myself to the same. And, most lovely part was, when she used to hold my hands while crossing the roads, but this time she didn't, but wasn't that obvious. Anyway, I did. I did hold her shoulders and covered her while crossing roads, probably this was my time to show that how much she means to me, and how much I want to take responsibilities for her.

"Pind baluchi, this is a good restaurant for dinner, I have come here earlier, lets come", she said. "Come on then, finally I am living my fantasy of having a dinner with you. I wish they put the lights dim, to make it a romantic dinner. Ah! see there is a seat under tree (artificial) for us. Oh goodness, it’s a tiring journey of life, m'am and I feel awesome to pause in this journey with none other than you." I said with little humor and more feelings.

She laughed, we laughed, and she pat lightly on my arms. Even after these years, she was always so nice to take these comments in a light manner. I bet no one else can do this, I loved her for her approach to life, as I mentioned. Anyway, it was a tasty delightful dinner with her, yeah first dinner with her. I will always remember this. As soon as we came out, we felt a cold breeze, she suddenly turned back to me with my jacket, "Wear this fast, or you will catch cold, you are so prone to cold. I'll hold it for you". The heart smiled for the affection and care she managed to generate for me. I added laughing "is that you Mom?". 

We boarded metro to head back to our respective places of stay. I dropped her, and kept on watching her until she went. I came back to my station, and called her quickly, "Did you reach home safe?". "Yes", she said, "it's too cold out there, please go to your room as soon as possible and take care". "Bye, good night (sweet heart), see you tomorrow, I'll get movie tickets for tomorrow" I added the last words spoken to her for the day.

Awaited the coming day to happen. I slept with a broad smile on my face.

The Moments

Today when i am standing here
I have some questions
Probably those are for myself
Whatever position i am holding on
In whatever moments i am living today
How many moments have I lost to be here?
When i turn back, I see those moments
Lost moments, far away from me
Some terrifying, some happy
But they are gone long ago
Its impossible to go there again
Like this universe has placed it
Somewhere unreachable in some world
Only whose blurred images are alive
But we can't touch them
Were those moments, memories
Or they were something else?
Did we model those moments
Or did those moments model us?
Were we in those moments
Or those moments were within us?

I look forward and I see more moments
Standing there waiting to be touched
Who knows what those moments contain
But one thing is certain
We will meet some day for sure
But where are they hidden now
I cant see them
Is this some kind of road?
Very riddled road it is
I can't understand which one is road
And which one is traveler
You can't go backwards
You can't go forward at will
You can't even stand still
What kind of riddle is it

I can't help myself but think that
If it has to be like this only
All we have in control is now only
Then why not do the things now
Why to wait for moments to come
Why risk with unpredictable lanes
Let the gone moments be gone
Let the coming moments come
They will come to us someday
Maybe when the time comes
Let's come then
Let's live now
Let's live in these moments
Will you come with me?

The Deafening Silence

On this side of path
There was a river flowing
Maybe, she had to go somewhere.
It had very less water
Probably, she got spent in the way,
Would have been tired
Covering a long distance,
But she was still going on.
God knows, which ocean did she promise to meet,
Who knows when will she meet,
Who knows when will she halt.

On the other side of path
There was sun, setting.
Maybe, he was also tired in due course
Tired burning himself
Tired lighting up the world.
He is going back his home,
To take rest, to relax,
That he'll come back tomorrow
To burn himself hard again
To light this universe again.
But what's his ultimate destination,
Where will he stop, who knows.

Then, i glanced my own path.
I couldn't resist asking myself
This path also had to go somewhere,
If that's so, then where?
Or, it just remains idle here only,
Taking people from one place to other.
The path, it must be ending somewhere
Maybe that's the limit that
It accepts being done with traveler,
I cant go on any further,
Look for someone else

Suddenly, there was a voice
Coming from inside
It was my my own soul,
My own existence
My own heart
My own voice
Questioning me in high pitched voice
Whats your destination?
Whats written in your destiny?
Will you write it yourself?
Or, you'll give even this responsibility
To someone else, and leave?
There was noise of silence
Very unsettling nerving noise
But, nowhere was the answer
The noise was peaking
The silence was deafening,
But there was no answer.

The Quest

Just few days back, i was thinking to express my thoughts over something. Surprisingly i didn't know what to name that feeling, yeah some feeling, but what to name it, i didn't know. You know, it was like my soul is asking me some questions, questions about me, question about how do i do what i do, questions about why do i do what i do, about little yet big aspects; not surprisingly, there were so much that it was hard to concentrate, but again i don't know what those things were pointing to.

Frankly speaking, that was not the first time i was facing this heavy traffic in my grey cells. But, unlike other time, when i just decided to let them be the questions, i decided to find the answers. And, basically, that's what the sole purpose of life is: "To find the answers of questions". This is always a ongoing battle, where at each point of time, you'll be bombarded with questions, and you either rip apart those bombs to find the answers beneath them, or just push those bombs away where you live safe, but you never deploy those bombs this way. But again, there is a thing, if i can live my life peacefully without deploying those bombs, why should i waste my time opening up those bombs and searching for answers. That's, by the way, is another question, and it should be totally judged by a person himself/herself. Anyway, if you fail once with your decision, you know you have learnt it, maybe in little harsh way, but you will learn it for sure.

Now, coming to the questions, it's like, what should i ask myself, how should i dig myself deeper and deeper, in what way. Technically speaking, there is no hard and fast rule, i came across till date. Neither am i the most successful person ever, or some person who has achieved so much in life, to preach others, but what i have felt across in my life span till date, is that if you don't question, there are no answers. You can't just do the things. Also, you cant complicate your life thinking about every small thing. So, there must be a trade-off between this, where the peace lies. And, i think that place will come up totally with experience. I don't know whats the location of that perfect place, but what i know is that i am taking steps, and one day i'll be there.

"The destination will be found, even after wandering,

lost are those, who never left their homes"

The Aphrodite deer

It was a dark cloudy Monday. The lovely weather was making it hard to get up from the bed. But he had to go for work.

"Uggghhhh, why do these Mondays come!".

He was getting late to his work and his boss has already called him multiple times, as they were having an important meeting that day. He got ready as fast as he could. He looked up into the sky.

"Seems like it will rain very hard today".

He kissed his wife's picture and ran to his car.

"My boss is gonna kill me if I don't show up on time"

He speeded his car through those country side roads. On other days, this path was not so calm. Something was not same that day.

"Oh my god, get off my way", he shouted as he honked the horn repeatedly. But the thing didn't move. All he was able to see in this dark weather was two dimly lit lights. He stopped his car, lowered his windshield, and shouted, "Hey, just move, can't you listen". There was no movement. He got off the car, with slight anger and some fear. The thing moved a bit. It made a thud sound as if it fell down. As he proceeded towards the object, he realized it was a deer. Badly wounded, bleeding as if was hurt very badly. It was her eyes which made the shining appearance. He took a step towards the deer, feeling sorry for her condition. He caressed the dear, he could not figure out what to do.

"Shall I carry her to a hospital, but I am getting so late, but I can't leave her in such a condition.."

Deer tried to stand on her own legs, but it fell down again. Her left leg was injured very bad.

He took out his handkerchief and tried to wipe some blood off her body and lightly tied it to her legs. She tried standing again, he caught her as she was about to fall again."Oh, just lie down, you are so injured, how can you even walk". He took deer in his lap and started caressing her. "oh, I think I have some ointment in my car, I'll get it for you, you don't move till then". He looked at his watch, he was already late for more than an hour, and his clothes were stained with blood. Passing a little smile, he looked at the sky and walked towards the car. The deer tried to move a little, and a little more. When he reached there back with ointment, deer wasn't there. He saw some blood drops around, but couldn't find that deer anywhere. He looked around, but no results. It just disappeared in woods.

"Oh, where did it go, and how did it go", he was a little afraid now. "How did it appear in front of me, where did that creature go, what is this!". He ran back to his car and ran his car as fast as possible. He got a call from his boss, "I am reaching sir, I am really very sorry, I will be there in...".

Before he could complete what he was saying, his boss asked him if he is okay.  A little confused, he asked what happened. His boss told that there was an accident near the bridge an hour ago and a part of the bridge collapsed. He was right before the bridge as he ensured his boss that he was okay and cut the call.

On asking others, he got to know there was an accident on the bridge. A deer was going across the bridge and a heavily loaded truck hit the bridge while trying to avoid hitting the deer. From a distance, he saw the deer, "oh my god", the same shine in eyes, cut left leg, blood all over. He was in a deep deep shock. He could barely think or understand a thing."Was it same what I saw in woods, what in the name of God did I just witness".

After he regained his senses few moments later, he took out his wife's picture, kissed it and looked up in the sky, "thank you for saving me".

His wife loved deer, she died a year ago.

Parted but yet together

Days after they parted their ways... wait,wait,wait, did they really?

I mean what do you exactly mean by "parted their ways".

You might say like "Ummm, they decided not to be in a relationship anymore", or might be like "distance grew enough in between them to keep the two as one" or even "they started to hate each other", or might be you have even more views. But anyway, all the views create a similar picture in your mind.

Okay, let me tell you what happened really in between them. Yup, they decided not to be in a so-called relationship anymore. Oh wait, what do you really mean by a relationship? A special name like, mother, father, brother, friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. Oh, then I'll have to change my words. They were still in a relationship, with a different name of it probably, but yet similar feelings.

So, that keeps you still wondering that happened between them then.

Yeah, the distance grew in between them to keep the "TWO AS ONE". But, really was it the case? Who knows? In one way it was, but looking the other way, it wasn't. They were in a long distance relationship throughout the course, so there were very few sightings.Coming to the distance between the hearts, it might have got off balance temporarily, but all on all, it was same, with a different name but same feelings. So, even this was not the answer of "they parted their ways". Then what?

Did they start to hate each other? Well, thats a pretty hard answer to the state. You can't say really it was the case. But some habits of him annoyed her. Still that wasn't hate. That was just a little feeling, which might have helped him to change himself. Incompatible but still very compatible and comfortable.

This story seems so complex, with so many possibilities, but none being the answer, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

That's how it went between them. They were not in a so called relationship, but still very good friends. Distances remained same between them, except for the special name of their bonding. They still have had their funny names and making a mockery of each other. They were still "Two as one", but only they knew about it. No, no,no, it wasn't a secret relationship. Its just that only they knew the feeling. They never hated each other, because no cloud of hate can overtake the sun of love, never ever. They still used to have long night chats, a good sharing of laughter, approving each other's choices and, of course, a perfect companion to share the pains. Many asked a question that how can still they remain so close. But it's not needed to answer everybody, when your heart knows the right thing.

All in all, they were happy, very happy. And what else do you want from life at the end of the day, a smiling face and satisfied mind, don't you?

So explore the happiness, whatever way you get. You heart knows the right thing. Never let anyone obstruct what your gut feelings say. In the end, it's you, or maybe you two.

:) :)

Some memories and Some dreams.....

Its been a very long time since i visited my home,
Of many things i miss, you are missed most, My mom.
Once there was a day, not possible without you,
See the game of time, to what place it drew.
Even today when i am asleep at nights,
I mumble about those lovely sights.
A soft hand caressing my heads, and patting my back,
But the truth is that time can never come back.
Waiting at the entrance to wait for you Dad,
It's the way my childhood was so glad.
Teasing you my dear sister, each and every second
Probably that was God's way to make our hearts bind.
Playing with you my bro, each and every day
We are amazingly unique, maybe in our own way.
Sharing of laughter and joy throughout the time
See where it all came down to chime.
Time kept on flowing and so the people
But our relation stood like a steeple
We remained away from each other miles,
Our memories and tears kept on getting the piles.
I eagerly wait to come back to all of you
But you know, time has flew..
We can come back, but not the time
Memories can be relived, but not the ages
I love you mom, i miss your lap
I still crave to get onto your shoulders, my dad
I wanna be the one who messes up and then protects you like a wall, my sis
I am the one who will go to any extent for you, my bro

Its my family and i miss them
The distance has created a deep mayhem
Inside the hearts, i keep trying heal the wounds
But the hollowness keep on echoing the sounds
One day, yes one day, i will repair everything
And with you all, i will sing
"we are the one, we are the one"

The Facebook Love Story - II (Beginning)

Beginning

"no, its too fast, i should not,

but he seems a good guy

but.....

but it might be just he was doing this to show off

but moni told he's a good guy

should i

God, tell me, should i or shouldn't?"

June 12,2012

morning 8 am

as usual Rupesh rushed for his mobile instead of toothbrush

"bang, OH MY GOD, what a pleasant start of the day i got"

His sister: why so happy in the morning itself?

Rupesh: got some special start for the day

sis: that i can see,you stupid. first go and brush your teeth, they are giving foul smell

Rupesh: whatever

He grinned and his sis kept on guessing about his maniac behaviour.

Anyway, she had seen him doing this many a times. It wasn't something new for her to see, and that was the best thing his sister loved about him.

after few minutes

Sis: "Rupesh, so this is the reason of happiness?" she showed him his own wall post

Rupesh: "blah blah blah" and he ran away

Elder brother: "he seems to be in different world today"

Mom: "he came home after so many days, its good to see his old smile back. Its more lovely when he keeps home on a high noise, jumping all around the corners." She smiled.

Rupesh listened all this hiding behind the doors and bit of tears came out feeling the love of his family members.

He washed his face and came back to sis.

Rupesh: "did you see her profile too? Dont tell about her to anybody, there is nothing like that"

sis: "no, you keep on seeing"

Meanwhile with neha:

There was a different feeling, something different. Last night scenes were still revolving around her mind. Those some sticky, some comical, some funny, and some lovely lines, all running still there. She had a smile on her face. Not as big, broad and widespread as rupesh made for himself, but certainly she was happy and she knew what is she feeling. It was a new feeling. Something has touched over like it never happened. "No, its not love, its just a feeling. Oh, let it be, why am i wasting my time over thinking about him. But, he talks good", and again a smile there on those lips

JUNE 13, 2012

It was his sister's b'day and he was in as good mood as anything. And everybody knew, when he is in happy mood, he'll make everything so comical for you to forget every pain.

So there was the opportunity

*facebook open*
"ahan, she has got a status update

Boy-do you have pen?
Gal-no
Boy-do you have a pen, pen?
Gal-no, and if you ever asked again, i'll break your head with a hammer.
after sometimes..
Boy-do you have hammer?
Gal-no,i dont.
Boy-then, do you have pen?

A big array of comments were going to be bombarded,
he knew it
and as soon as he started, she too got to know it

His same attitude of leg pulling, her same attitude of replying a step ahead.
nothing has changed in these past TWO days

*back to late night texts*
rupesh: hey,sorry, dont mind, if i pulled your legs enough
neha: no, its okay :P
rupesh: okay, should we introduce ourselves
n: ofcourse, you begin
and they went on, with their style of FORMALITY

whole night they chatted, opening up with the likes and dislikes of theirs
as much he got to know her, he was falling more and more for her
as much she got to know him, she knew, he might be the one she searched all these days

maybe they were hurrying for their feelings
but the fire was on both sides
let the fire burn
let the lovers come more close and let them feel the heat of closeness
lets see,

just wait ;)

The Facebook Love Story - I (First Meeting)

First Meeting

June 11, 2012

Rupesh logged in to facebook that night as he always used to do before sleeping. Monica(his school friend) had uploaded a beautiful pic of some garden. Yeah it was so beautiful, oh wait, who is that girl making even beautiful comments. She looks to be funny exactly of his type.

Over inbox

Rupesh: Moni, who's that girl?

Monica: who?

R: That girl who is commenting on that pic.

M: Oh, she is my friend Neha. Why are you asking btw? ;)

R: I read her comments, OMG she looks fabulous

M: ahem ahem..

R: can i join there?

M: did i stop you?

Over pic

R: Thats so beautiful garden, hope i wish i could go there with somebody

M: ya, i can see one more person dying to go there

R: oh, who's that lucky one :D

M: Neha, you also had to go there, see you have got a company

R: i dont even know her

N: exactly, i dont even know him

M: he is rupesh, she is neha, Introduction over

     Go there and spare my beautiful pic :P

R: hey, hi neha, dont mind , i was just kidding

N: its okay,by the way this place is really beautiful

M: see you two are so nicely introduced now :P

R: :\, dont make joke of this

N: exactly moni, we were just talking :D

R: by the way, imagined a lady who will be there in a sweet green or white gown walking down those leaves     holding the hands and seeing in eyes and...

M: control rupesh control :D :D

N: wow

    and you shutup moni, he is describing good :D

R: exactly moni, relax for a bit, she is liking my suggestions

M: -_-

R: just one thing is missing

N: what?

R: the girl who will go with me

M: neha is there naa, ask her once

N: shutup moni, you are speaking anything :D

R: i'll go with my princess only

M: when did you become a prince, LOL :D

R: you leave it stupid girl, you wont understand

R: by the way neha, what are your views about going to this park

N: i'll go with my prince, my charming prince

R: ummm, somebody like Shahrukh Khan?

N: yeah, kind of

M: keep it up park people -_-

R: do you also want to come moni?

M: naah, i wont disturb you two :D

R: o.O

N: when did i accept that i am going with him?

R: :O, neither did i ask you till now

M: then why dont you ask :D

N: moniii >_<

R: by the way neha, this place looks so good in sunset naa

N: hmmm, and the bench right over there, i imagine two lovers sitting there and just seeing each others and          sinking in the eyes, that'll be so sweet

R: yeah, the charming prince and his angel princess

M: hmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm

R: i dont like bees, their humming sound is so irritating in between, LOL

N: haaa haaaa, bees please stay away from here :D

R: by the way we were in park right?

N: yeah, and see that tree with reddish leaves

R: Red is color of love

M: I told earlier also, Love is in the air

R: so what? :P

M: tie yourself you guys, this air will blow you two thin guys :D

R: huh :\ , anything, you fat girl :D, i wont invite you to park

N: yup moni, you are not invited to park now

M: excuse me, this is my pic, i'll go there

N: okay then we'll go somewhere else, you sit alone there

M: you cheater friends :\

R: okay moni, you go after us,

    btw neha, would you like to join me in that park under that magical blue sky of sunset

M: i am giving the acceptance by her side, you two guys just depart from here :D

N: moni :\ ,

     i'll think over that rupesh, :D

    but that shahrukh and idea of green gown was awesome ;)

R: thanks for accepting the praise :)

N: thanks for that

M: are you guys playing thanks thanks :D :D

N: he just said nice things to me, so i thanked him, thats called good manners moni :D

R: ya she is so sweet, thats why i thanked her

M: when did i ask you for explanations,

     well i can sense something, keep it up :D

Meanwhile in inbox:

R: who's her favorite actor?

M: i think shahrukh khan, but why..

R: just see

M: you are mad

R: no i am just liking her way of talking, just somewhat like i do

M: ahem ahem, love is in the air :D

R: dont pull my legs now, tell her favorite color

M: green i guess,not sure

R: today is going to be first meeting of green and blue,it will be written in history ;)

M: your blue and her green, ahem ahem, another love story has just formed :D

R: let it go slow, but for time being, i am liking her

Meanwhile other side:

N: who's this rupesh?

M: he is asking about you :D

N: tell me first who's he?

M: i used to tell you abut my one school friend, remember?

N: aha, ya i do

M: why are you asking :D

N: nothing like that, i just saw his comments

M: yaa i saw how you two were making comments there, and then both asking about each other

    la la lala,,, :D

N: :\ , nothing like that, he just seemed somewhat like i like to be

M: so what :D

N: nothing, but how is he guessing the exact things about my choice :O

M: he was so concerned about you, he has already asked tons of times about your choices to me :D

N: so you are behind all this :\

M: i didnt tell him exactly, i just gave him a range of choices,framing and designing was all his art and believe      me, He's a good guy, he was not just playing around...

N: okay,i just got a friend request from him

M: i told you earlier, Love is in the air, la la lala... :D

N: he's a good guy naaa?

M: yup, just relax :), you can accept the request

N: ok,i'll see,

    bye good night

One side was the boy with blue and other side was the girl with green.Facebook has brought two persons close from nowhere.Maybe it was momentary attraction, but who knew whats kept in future...

He slept with a smile on his face. It was a long time he had that smile, the smile of feelings

She slept with smile on her face,hugging her pillow hard,with a world of imagination in her mind...

Different birthday

And yes there it was, it was his birthday. Generally, a day someone waits for long to celebrate and cheer.

Whenever you think of a b'day, what comes to your mind, some gifts, friends wishing you in their own ways, cakes, party, happiness, smiles and many more like this. Everybody loves to celebrate their day.

But,was he ready to feel these on that day? If he was really willing to get up and shake hands with people wishing him or willing to celebrate with him?

NO.

There was nothing for him to celebrate. For past few days, months or say years, he was not happy, not at all. Disappointments, failures, distances, everything was breaking him down. He was losing the charm in his own life. He didn't want to smile. He didn't want to socialize. He feared to meet new people. He feared to show up the smile and share the thoughts. What he had gone through was not too much others could have seen or felt, but it was turning too much for him to handle.

He had a, say, quite different habit. Everyday, he used to sit alone for some minutes or hours under the dark night.He used to say "And,you know what this calmness of night tells me? It ensures me that I am not alone ever,at least when it is with me.When there is nobody to hold me, it is always there with open arms to embrace me and soothe me. I confess each and everything there.And when i return back to my normal life, i feel a light heart." Those few moments that he used to spend alone, were used to be his best moments of life. Slowly over the course of time,loneliness had become his best friend.

That day as clock ticked 00:00, he moved to terrace,to his best friend over the years, who was still the same through all the years. Calmly he took a chair and sat down. It was a very chilly night. Temperature dipping down, cool winds touching his eyes and few outside noises coming from the nearby buildings. But, he was very still there. Just sitting hands crossed over each other and staring the dark sky and blinking stars. There was not too many emotions on face but a little smile. This night knew what he's been all through, he had a lot to say to this night, but he was just silent to himself. Eyes closed, remembering every person he wanted to be with, but lost. Tiny droplets were coming out of his eyes.He didn't wipe them off, he just let it flow down the cheeks,probably thats how he could have let those memories go.The moments had made him so numb that he didn't even realise the weather turning more cool. The winds got stronger but he didn't move from there. There was nothing that could have separated him from his best friend that night. Slowly he started pouring all his past over there again, in a hope that all the bad things get eloped with the darkness and once again he'll come up with a light mind and heart.After around 3-4 hours, when was done with all his emotions and feelings poured, he came back to his room, but this was a different day, he was not light today.His eyes, his voice, his feelings, his heart, they were still heavy.

It was first time he felt so even after such a long session with darkness.That was just a clear answer of how much broken he was that day.

He cried again, shouted like anything. He punched walls with all his force. He slapped himself as hard as he could have done. He threw things abruptly here and there. He was still feeling broken.Losing all the energy he had inside, he just sat over the floor,and dint knew when he fell asleep.Next morning he woke up,but the wounds were still fresh. As usual he kept all his feelings inside,and with a fake smile on his face,he went ahead to tackle the day and the world out there.

There was nothing special on his birthday,except him breaking down over all the silly things once again and trying to rebuild himself.But, he has lost a part of himself forever,and with no intentions of getting it back, he decided to get up and walk like nothing happened to him ever.

It was a good decision to keep the sorrows within him,because nobody,just nobody deserves to share your problems.Its you and only you who need to understand,tackle and mould yourself out of yourself only.

I,Me and Self-belief

Have you ever wondered in your life all of a sudden, "Where am i taking my life to" or "Where my life is taking me to"?

You must have, if you are a analyst of yourself,and if not, then you must give a thought about it.

Yes, its you and only you who are best judge of yours,don't ever let anyone judge you for what you are. But that doesn't mean, you shouldn't worry about happenings of your life or you shouldn't be analysing them. You must, you must analyse yourself on a regular basis. That helps you make yourself better. But the most important point remains, "are we always correct?"

No, we might not be. But when you learn to believe yourself, you will be happy even after a wrong decision.

Why so?

Because even a wrong decision taken will full intent of getting good out of it might not give you that outcome what it should have been, but it will nourish you with an experience you will cherish for rest of your life. A lost battle doesn't remain a lost battle, instead it becomes a learning battle.

Now coming back to the question from where we started, it describes a lot about you. Which question comes to your mind, is just a reflection of your mindset.

"Where am i taking my life to" is symbolising that its your who is driving your life,and truly saying, that is the ideal way of living. Its you and only you who will be filling up the empty pages of your book. Its you who will be writing your own success and failure stories.You must be trying every time to make things as better as you can, because you know that until unless you put the efforts,you are not going to achieve the goals.

Whereas, "Where my life is taking me to" is a symbol of that you are not trying well enough,moreover it seems like you have given up. It seems like you have left things to happen on its own now. Believe me, if you are not gonna stand up for yourself,life will keep on making you walk the same path. You just cant let the things to get better on its own. You must need to put efforts.Nothing turns on its own.

All to conclude is that, yes,everybody wants to succeed in life, but ups and downs are part & parcel of the journey. But to achieve your goal, all the planning starts from where you start thinking and analysing the ups and downs of your life. A positive thinking gives you path to cross the tunnels, whereas negative path will entangle you within your own darkness.So, all where life takes you to,depends merely on where you drive your life to.

Think positive,

Be positive,

and move ahead

God and luck always favour the brave ones.

Some feelings...

And there was dark outside, some shouting voices in the dark and then there was my silent heart. A heart which was having a feeling of the outer darkness slipping inside itself. The inner environment has probably started to go black, or say blank. Blank did not mean nothing remained there, of course there was something in heart, but it was everything except what he wanted. There were sorrows, pains, wounds and all, but these were all that he had earned in course of time. Not long ago, time was much better for him. Even now, he was getting no idea, how the coin of his life turned over. All the smiles that he owned were lost somewhere with that girl.
You might be wondering who is "that girl"?
In short she was a gem, no, in fact she is still a gem. A girl who entered his life from no where and changed him like anything, however, the sad part was all the changes he could see the difference only after she was gone. Somebody has said those lines true "you only realize what you had only after its lost" . He had no words to describe her but ANGEL OF HIS LIFE.

And later that night when she chose to depart he was left numb and dumb. He could not decide what to say, what to do, how to react,  nothing, he was left blank. Maybe that's when the outer darkness slipped inside him. Later he gained senses, but maybe he had delayed the chances to recover. Irrespective of that he decided to get up and make another effort to get his angel back with her. Taking pain to talk with her again and again even when she was not interested, trying to meet her to talk to her and trying to bring a smile on her face in hope that her smile will bring her back.He did all that was in his arc, but maybe God had planned a longer wait for him.

Now you might be wondering "was it good enough to irritate her even when she was no more interested"?
He was no more in a condition to wonder whether people say it right or wrong. Only thing he had fixed in his mind that its that girl only. Anyhow he had to get that girl back, for those incomplete promises that he swore to keep and maybe failed sometimes keeping those. But yes again maybe it was God's decision to extend his wait.

It was just a matter of few days when boy had told her "if ever comes a day when i cant keep you happy, i'll slowly depart from your life to keep your smile alive" and she had replied something that transformed him like forever "if you love me so much, then instead of leaving me, hold my hand and i'll hold yours. Keep me with you forever and that's all I want" . These were the words that always asked him to hold it back for so long.

He has decided it finally, even when conditions might not be best for him, he'll be there for her forever. Even if she is not going to come back, he will keep at least  this promise to be with her in any possible way. And as he learnt from that girl, he will have faith on almighty that things will turn better someday. But he can't forget her ever, he can't leave her alone ever.

Love cant die, no matter what.......