The Poisonous Elixir

As a child, you see things happening around you. There are a lot of things, some good, some bad, but where do you get the consciousness to decide what is good and what is bad. Maybe by the fact, the way people are getting affected by that thing, but again, how do you see thats a good feel or bad. Okay, leave that, its just like what came first, chicken or the egg. Somehow, the childhood shapes you, not exactly, but in a way, it tells you what is right and what is wrong. The things that you have seen, are not all though, which unfortunately, my friend you realise only when you step ahead in life. 

Just like everyone else, I too had my moments. I always thought, "hey! that man could have just done that thing and boom!!! things would have been different. Why did he choose to suffer the pain?" I thought that when my time comes, I will be there, standing out of crowd, making a difference (oh come on, stop laughing at me). I apparently tried to do that. This very blog was an attempt for same. I don't know if I really bring a change to anyone's mindset, but i would hope that i really do, and i'll be glad to do so.

I have seen people taking rash decisions, so I tried to learn calmness. Though I am far away to say that I have learnt it, I realise how in name of calmness, I chose to separate out from people. The calmness became silence, that was not exactly what I wanted to achieve.

I have seen people comparing one with another, and I said come on, why do you need to compare two persons. They are their own versions, and just to please one common person, why someone has to be like other one, I mean just why. I decided I wont do so, but here I am, working at a place which I took because someone else did a similar job which yields good money. In name of not comparing people, I stopped giving a damn about most of the people.

I saw people abandoning other people, the people they loved, because at some point of time they made some mistakes in their lives. I said, I will stand for the person I love. I did and understood why people chose to be with it.

What do you achieve trying to create elixir? The poison for yourself? Maybe, thats not all, and as I always say, thats not the complete picture. And I really hope, there is a good time coming ahead but they say it right, until unless you burn yourself, you are never going to get through the fire.There are 2 paths from here, either you choose to be done getting haunted for the philosophy you have advocated for, or you choose to stand up again and again, because its the ideology that you carry, defines you. You are what you choose to stand up against.

The Weight

Do you remember the old school days, when we used to be so young, energetic, enthusiastic, so lively, which i suppose you all are even today. Yes, so do you remember those days?

It was a usual weekend, maybe Saturday, somewhere around 11AM, feeling hard to get up from bed, when i got a text on my whatsapp. It was one of my friends, who was feeling so exhausted and tensed with the work. While its obvious to get that feel once in a while, especially considering the work culture we all harvest, but there is something fundamentally wrong with our approach too. So, the message read "I had a really bad last weekend, i was so depressed, when i came to work on Monday, i was still not over it. And, that messed up my Monday, then Tuesday too, because i was already lagging with my deadlines. But, it just didn't stop there, its Saturday today, and i am even more pissed off. I have messed up everything. Do you really think i will be able to survive here with my skills".

Its not just about work life, its about everyday life. And, first thing is when you are down, its natural to question your own abilities. You question yourself whether you deserve the place that you have reached. But, right at that moment its important to combat that thought. Life is all about how much positivity you can bring to it. Ask one thing to yourself, if you didn't deserve that, you wouldn't have reached there in first place. So, that answers for when you start to doubt yourself. If you could do it once, you can repeat it for sure. No force in this eternity exists to oppose that to happen, all you need is your will power.

Next is about the chain of events. Oh wait, you haven't wondered why did i ask you about school? I don't ask you to think without any reason. Okay, so whats the deal about school days?

I used to have full days from Monday to Friday, and half days on Saturdays. Except for Saturdays, since there were so many periods (7 to be precise), i had to carry all respective notebooks and books. It was damn heavy man. Somedays, I risked to leave a few of them, just to keep the bag light, anyways who likes to carry extra weight. Then slowly slowly, somehow Saturdays used to come to rescue, half day, so half the number of periods, and bazingaaa!!!! half the weight in bag, and on back too. And, no doubt, Saturday was super fun, but so did the other days. But, best was Sunday, when we had no weight to carry.

Too much of weight, books and notebooks, eh? Okay, so coming to the point. When you choose to be done with the extra burden, then only you can look forward to present. You don't carry Monday's notebooks on Tuesdays. You always have the option to let go of books that are too heavy. Why put extra burden, when they threaten your peace of mind. You have to play the game very calmly, to decide which notebooks you should be carrying tomorrow.

Your best days are there, right around the corner, all you need to do is free your mind of stale thoughts, free your shoulders of stupid responsibilities, free your legs out of those chains and just run to it. Just one day at a time, buddy, one day at a time.

Questions

Let me start off with a joke

Kid: Sir, may I ask you a question?

Teacher: You just asked.

Kid: Can I ask you two questions?

Teacher: You just asked that too.

Kid: Can I ask you four questions?

Teacher: You did that too.

Kid: When?

Teacher: Now.

Funny? Or not funny, whatever, but did you just understand the point of this joke?

The most important part of life is, to ask questions. And most important part of asking question, is to ask the RIGHT question. I am no preacher, not a perfect "question-asker" either, but I know and let me tell you, the life is full of questions and answers. At every point of time you will have many unanswered questions, and unquestioned answers. Sometimes you may even feel like you are into some kind of "match the column" problem, where one column contains questions, and other answers. But, all you need to do then, is to calm yourself down, relax, because you can never see through until the fog settles down.

Every single day, from the time you wake up, to the time when you go to sleep, you will, take my words, you WILL face questions at every other moment. Shall i go by cab or bus? shall i take noodles or fruit salad for breakfast? Shall i attend the classes today or not? Shall i propose to her today or not? Shall I be able to find a flat today or not? Will i be able to complete the project before deadline or not? Will i have enough money to buy that saree for mom or not? Will I survive the day or not? There are many, in that tiny brain of yours. Some have answers, for some, its better not to find answers, some are just unanswerable.

Even I have plethora of questions in my mind, probably my mind has 10 times the traffic compared to Bangalore traffic, but as I said, no, no, no, as I have LEARNED over the years is that, when you let your brain relax, you let the roads widen, and then the traffic is vanished. When there is a question, if you think calmly, there is another question following up that. That follow up question will lead you to the topmost stairs of the terrace (problem) you are standing at. When you retrospect more, you will find where the stairs started, you will see the ground, and when you are on ground, that is when you can show as much heroics you want. There is the place, where you show your acrobatics now. You are no superhero to do 10 stunts while flying, but you are a human, who can do anything when you are in your strong zone. Your ground is your appropriate question, search answers on ground, not in air. My father always tells me, Stick to your strength. Over the course of years, you will realise your strength, and if you have not, its time to come few stairs down and see the world from bottom, because that is where everything has started.

Did you see the movie, Kung-fu-panda? Master Oogway says "Your mind is agitated like this water. Thats why you can't see, but if you allow it to settle, then only the answer becomes clear". 

That is all I had to say. Just relax, instead of getting panicked, be calm and sound, there are answers.

I'll Write

That night when I stared into the sky, there were many stars, shining, some glowing and some twinkling with little less of glow. What a diverse world, a huge huge huge space out there it is, and how significant is the part that is visible to us. Forget even that, even the part that we are able to see, there are countless number of stars in it. But, that's not the point. The point is, even those stars are huge in real. They burn too and glow like anyone else. They live their own life, they burn in their own due course of time. Maybe, other stars are bigger, maybe they have more impact on universe than some other star, but still they are not the same.

I always liked writing, it was my passion. In my school time, I always tried to play with the lyrics of songs, in hope of creating something of my own. Sometimes. I used to predict what next line of that song will be, just to check how good am I at rhyming. That was my first exposure to this world. I am not the best, nor I was. But, I know one thing that I like it. Give me some free time, and all I'll come up with, are some lines, some poetic, some just plain simple lines trying to encapsulate my pain. This is what that gives me pleasure. Whenever I departed from a phase of my life, I took some fragments of those memories with me. That increased the weight on my back though, but they gave me moments and inspirations to write. 

When I was 17, I wrote a song, that was my first song. I tried to give some music to it, I couldn't, because I was not putting the feelings into it. I was late to understand the game of emotions, but with continuous trials, one day when I found myself really in the place, I found one of the missing parts of that jigsaw puzzle, it's a feeling that takes birth right from the shallowest of corners of heart, it never comes out of your mind, never. 

Almost three and half years later, one morning, I just woke up to admire the beauty of rising sun. That was indeed a new rise in my life, I'll say. I wrote something random about morning. Few minutes later, I felt more words running down my mind, I wrote another one, and one more to follow. That evening, I then pushed myself to write about evening and night. However, those didn't turn out that good. Probably, I was pushing myself a bit too hard, and I forgot that it comes out of heart, and not mind, never. Few days later, I wrote some 3-4 poems for friends on eve of friendship day. I just felt good, and i hope they did too.

One good day, a friend of mine suggested me to start writing blogs and post the poems and articles there. Yes people, it's this place. I started to write, but that was very discontinuous. I used to write over long intervals. But, I never hurried myself into it, because I wanted to come it straight out of heart, when it feels like writing and expressing. Almost, another 2 years later, I made my first attempt to write a Hindi poem, and as per usual routine, I sent the link to everyone to read it.

As they say, time and tide take unexpected turns, it did for me too. With my fellow classmates putting their time and effort in some very catchy technical work or even in doing some heart warming social work, I was wondering, whether am I putting my time in correct place? People going for start-up business, earning money out of it, and then there I was sending links to people and requesting them to read and give the review. I mean that was pretty tidy work, especially considering that for other people, their work spoke for themselves and there was no need for them to request people and bug others, like I used to do. I decided to be with my writing that day. I am putting my pen to a stop.

Next morning, I received a call from my father about my poem. He liked that. My first attempt at a Hindi poem, and my dad praises me. He even asked me to gift him a poem for his 55th birthday. What could have been a better turn of tide than this for me? That made me really rethink about my decision of putting my pen and passion down.

There is one message that I want to give, though I am not that great person to do so, but people, do what you are passionate for, every one is special in their own way. I just hope that one day i'll do more justice to the faith put in me by my dad and by my pen. Why to see other stars and wonder about their glow, and why not just write our own fate?

I am still writing, and I'll, irrespective of whether it is profitable or popular, because this is my passion. Just like everyone else is following their passion, I'll follow the path that I want to go on.
I'll write.

The Quest

Just few days back, i was thinking to express my thoughts over something. Surprisingly i didn't know what to name that feeling, yeah some feeling, but what to name it, i didn't know. You know, it was like my soul is asking me some questions, questions about me, question about how do i do what i do, questions about why do i do what i do, about little yet big aspects; not surprisingly, there were so much that it was hard to concentrate, but again i don't know what those things were pointing to.

Frankly speaking, that was not the first time i was facing this heavy traffic in my grey cells. But, unlike other time, when i just decided to let them be the questions, i decided to find the answers. And, basically, that's what the sole purpose of life is: "To find the answers of questions". This is always a ongoing battle, where at each point of time, you'll be bombarded with questions, and you either rip apart those bombs to find the answers beneath them, or just push those bombs away where you live safe, but you never deploy those bombs this way. But again, there is a thing, if i can live my life peacefully without deploying those bombs, why should i waste my time opening up those bombs and searching for answers. That's, by the way, is another question, and it should be totally judged by a person himself/herself. Anyway, if you fail once with your decision, you know you have learnt it, maybe in little harsh way, but you will learn it for sure.

Now, coming to the questions, it's like, what should i ask myself, how should i dig myself deeper and deeper, in what way. Technically speaking, there is no hard and fast rule, i came across till date. Neither am i the most successful person ever, or some person who has achieved so much in life, to preach others, but what i have felt across in my life span till date, is that if you don't question, there are no answers. You can't just do the things. Also, you cant complicate your life thinking about every small thing. So, there must be a trade-off between this, where the peace lies. And, i think that place will come up totally with experience. I don't know whats the location of that perfect place, but what i know is that i am taking steps, and one day i'll be there.

"The destination will be found, even after wandering,

lost are those, who never left their homes"

I,Me and Self-belief

Have you ever wondered in your life all of a sudden, "Where am i taking my life to" or "Where my life is taking me to"?

You must have, if you are a analyst of yourself,and if not, then you must give a thought about it.

Yes, its you and only you who are best judge of yours,don't ever let anyone judge you for what you are. But that doesn't mean, you shouldn't worry about happenings of your life or you shouldn't be analysing them. You must, you must analyse yourself on a regular basis. That helps you make yourself better. But the most important point remains, "are we always correct?"

No, we might not be. But when you learn to believe yourself, you will be happy even after a wrong decision.

Why so?

Because even a wrong decision taken will full intent of getting good out of it might not give you that outcome what it should have been, but it will nourish you with an experience you will cherish for rest of your life. A lost battle doesn't remain a lost battle, instead it becomes a learning battle.

Now coming back to the question from where we started, it describes a lot about you. Which question comes to your mind, is just a reflection of your mindset.

"Where am i taking my life to" is symbolising that its your who is driving your life,and truly saying, that is the ideal way of living. Its you and only you who will be filling up the empty pages of your book. Its you who will be writing your own success and failure stories.You must be trying every time to make things as better as you can, because you know that until unless you put the efforts,you are not going to achieve the goals.

Whereas, "Where my life is taking me to" is a symbol of that you are not trying well enough,moreover it seems like you have given up. It seems like you have left things to happen on its own now. Believe me, if you are not gonna stand up for yourself,life will keep on making you walk the same path. You just cant let the things to get better on its own. You must need to put efforts.Nothing turns on its own.

All to conclude is that, yes,everybody wants to succeed in life, but ups and downs are part & parcel of the journey. But to achieve your goal, all the planning starts from where you start thinking and analysing the ups and downs of your life. A positive thinking gives you path to cross the tunnels, whereas negative path will entangle you within your own darkness.So, all where life takes you to,depends merely on where you drive your life to.

Think positive,

Be positive,

and move ahead

God and luck always favour the brave ones.

The Fallen Walk

It was tough for me the time,
The lawn of path was too lime.
It was sad to see myself falling down,
Visible clearly on the screen was the frown.
There was nothing i could have done,
All but trying anyhow to escape and run.
Slowly slowly knees touching down the ground,
With the heart breaking loud sound.
I had lost all my courage to wake again up,
Probably something i wished for me a love sup.
After knees,my hands too knelt on the low,
It was one in my series of woe.
It was now time for my face to touch the bottom,
That was just a end of a beautiful life in autumn.
Suddenly from the heart came a sparkle then,
Sounding you cant lose before removing the stain.
You have to get up your feet,
I knew the world cant be always sweet.
Fist your hands hard to the base,
Thrust yourself up and show your grace.
Keep the heads high, b'coz you cant lose,
Tell the world,you'll be the one filling those shoes.
Shrug your shoulders and throw the past,
Gather your strengths and make a blast.
You cant change that what went,
To do better ahead,give yourself consent.

YOU WILL FALL MISERABLY AT THE TIMES,

YOU'LL HAVE TO WAKE UP AT THE CHIMES.
YOU HAVE TO WALK DOWN THE HARD ROADS,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT GIVES YOU LOADS.
WORLD WILL MAKE YOU CRAWL,MAKE YOU KNEEL,
ITS YOUR INNER STRENGTH THAT WILL MAKE YOU HEAL.
TURN YOURSELF FROM A GRASSHOPPER TO A HAWK,
YOU HAVE TO GET HEADS HIGH,AND COMPLETE YOUR WALK
A FALLEN WALK.....
A FALLEN WALK.....