The Weekend (Saturday)

I had big plans for this weekend. I was going to see her after almost 2 years. Almost 2 years after we broke up. Finally, this was the time when I could spend my whole day with her, and do the things that I should have done earlier, but the time never comes back, stays only the regret. Anyway, this was going to be a great weekend, probably best of my life, or say biggest considering the fact that I was going to propose to her again.

Saturday...

After a grueling 32 hour train journey, which was way cold than expected, I reached there. Ah! New city. First things first, check in to hotel. I called her on phone, with a little more excitement in my voice. I told her that I have reached. She asked me to freshen up and take lunch. We decided to meet in an hour. Heartbeats never ran with this speed for me, ever in my life.

"Come to Metro station, I'll see you there" she said. I was a little nervous, considering I had never been to Metro earlier, but today, I was ready to do anything for her. I managed to be on time. But, dear God have had some waiting plans for me, and damn, each moment was making it harder and harder to wait. After almost half an hour, the train doors opened, there she was, the lady of my dreams. The familiar smile, long hairs tied behind and a few hanging upon her ears, eyes lined with fine kohl, the so lovely grace on her face, She didn't change at all in last 2 years. I could not help myself but smile non-stop with constant look on her face, and why shouldn't I, I waited to have a glimpse of her all these years.

"Let's go shopping first, you must be shivering. We'll buy a jacket for you". She said. Little did she knew that I deliberately left my jacket back at home, just for these moments. There was passion and care in her words. "Sure, let's go highness" I replied with a giggle. She tried out around 5-10 jackets on me before finalizing one, "this one will look good on you, take this". I obliged to her choice. I always did, so beautiful she and her choices were. This went on, we looked for footwear, tops, sweaters, ear-rings for her, it was my pleasure to let her know how beautiful she looked in those ear-rings specially. I always wanted to spend these moments of taking these "decisions" with her, where she smiled, where she felt happy, where I knew that these are the quality moments I will wish for.

"Are you hungry? Hello, I am asking you. Where are you lost?" She said.

I: "Yeah, you bet I am hungry. So what do we get best here?"

She: "We'll take a cheese ball, its very famous at this place. And a coffee with it would be awesome."

I always liked when the talks turned from "me" to "we". It always gave me a feeling of how badly I wanted to be with her.

I: "Orders of your highness will be followed", and we laughed.

We got our order, she brought coffee and I brought cheese ball. She took half of mine, and I constantly kept on looking in her eyes. I remembered that look. 2 years back, I used to see same grace and innocence in her eyes while we used to eat our "pani puri" together, and those were moments that I'll always cherish.

she: "Will you have a sip of coffee?". I noticed a small mark of her lip balm on the top. I couldn't resist but say yes. Though it was cold coffee and I didn’t like it ever, but it's "her" and I was ready to go to any level for her. "Yeah, definitely, why not." I replied.

It was almost 7:30 by that time. "Shall we go for dinner, you must be hungry" She asked.

I: "How far is it from here?"

She: "let's just roam, we'll find something good nearby".

I always loved this attitude of her, no boundaries, just fly free and find whatever available, such was her approach to life, and after meeting to her, probably I moulded myself to the same. And, most lovely part was, when she used to hold my hands while crossing the roads, but this time she didn't, but wasn't that obvious. Anyway, I did. I did hold her shoulders and covered her while crossing roads, probably this was my time to show that how much she means to me, and how much I want to take responsibilities for her.

"Pind baluchi, this is a good restaurant for dinner, I have come here earlier, lets come", she said. "Come on then, finally I am living my fantasy of having a dinner with you. I wish they put the lights dim, to make it a romantic dinner. Ah! see there is a seat under tree (artificial) for us. Oh goodness, it’s a tiring journey of life, m'am and I feel awesome to pause in this journey with none other than you." I said with little humor and more feelings.

She laughed, we laughed, and she pat lightly on my arms. Even after these years, she was always so nice to take these comments in a light manner. I bet no one else can do this, I loved her for her approach to life, as I mentioned. Anyway, it was a tasty delightful dinner with her, yeah first dinner with her. I will always remember this. As soon as we came out, we felt a cold breeze, she suddenly turned back to me with my jacket, "Wear this fast, or you will catch cold, you are so prone to cold. I'll hold it for you". The heart smiled for the affection and care she managed to generate for me. I added laughing "is that you Mom?". 

We boarded metro to head back to our respective places of stay. I dropped her, and kept on watching her until she went. I came back to my station, and called her quickly, "Did you reach home safe?". "Yes", she said, "it's too cold out there, please go to your room as soon as possible and take care". "Bye, good night (sweet heart), see you tomorrow, I'll get movie tickets for tomorrow" I added the last words spoken to her for the day.

Awaited the coming day to happen. I slept with a broad smile on my face.

The Moments

Today when i am standing here
I have some questions
Probably those are for myself
Whatever position i am holding on
In whatever moments i am living today
How many moments have I lost to be here?
When i turn back, I see those moments
Lost moments, far away from me
Some terrifying, some happy
But they are gone long ago
Its impossible to go there again
Like this universe has placed it
Somewhere unreachable in some world
Only whose blurred images are alive
But we can't touch them
Were those moments, memories
Or they were something else?
Did we model those moments
Or did those moments model us?
Were we in those moments
Or those moments were within us?

I look forward and I see more moments
Standing there waiting to be touched
Who knows what those moments contain
But one thing is certain
We will meet some day for sure
But where are they hidden now
I cant see them
Is this some kind of road?
Very riddled road it is
I can't understand which one is road
And which one is traveler
You can't go backwards
You can't go forward at will
You can't even stand still
What kind of riddle is it

I can't help myself but think that
If it has to be like this only
All we have in control is now only
Then why not do the things now
Why to wait for moments to come
Why risk with unpredictable lanes
Let the gone moments be gone
Let the coming moments come
They will come to us someday
Maybe when the time comes
Let's come then
Let's live now
Let's live in these moments
Will you come with me?

The Deafening Silence

On this side of path
There was a river flowing
Maybe, she had to go somewhere.
It had very less water
Probably, she got spent in the way,
Would have been tired
Covering a long distance,
But she was still going on.
God knows, which ocean did she promise to meet,
Who knows when will she meet,
Who knows when will she halt.

On the other side of path
There was sun, setting.
Maybe, he was also tired in due course
Tired burning himself
Tired lighting up the world.
He is going back his home,
To take rest, to relax,
That he'll come back tomorrow
To burn himself hard again
To light this universe again.
But what's his ultimate destination,
Where will he stop, who knows.

Then, i glanced my own path.
I couldn't resist asking myself
This path also had to go somewhere,
If that's so, then where?
Or, it just remains idle here only,
Taking people from one place to other.
The path, it must be ending somewhere
Maybe that's the limit that
It accepts being done with traveler,
I cant go on any further,
Look for someone else

Suddenly, there was a voice
Coming from inside
It was my my own soul,
My own existence
My own heart
My own voice
Questioning me in high pitched voice
Whats your destination?
Whats written in your destiny?
Will you write it yourself?
Or, you'll give even this responsibility
To someone else, and leave?
There was noise of silence
Very unsettling nerving noise
But, nowhere was the answer
The noise was peaking
The silence was deafening,
But there was no answer.

The Quest

Just few days back, i was thinking to express my thoughts over something. Surprisingly i didn't know what to name that feeling, yeah some feeling, but what to name it, i didn't know. You know, it was like my soul is asking me some questions, questions about me, question about how do i do what i do, questions about why do i do what i do, about little yet big aspects; not surprisingly, there were so much that it was hard to concentrate, but again i don't know what those things were pointing to.

Frankly speaking, that was not the first time i was facing this heavy traffic in my grey cells. But, unlike other time, when i just decided to let them be the questions, i decided to find the answers. And, basically, that's what the sole purpose of life is: "To find the answers of questions". This is always a ongoing battle, where at each point of time, you'll be bombarded with questions, and you either rip apart those bombs to find the answers beneath them, or just push those bombs away where you live safe, but you never deploy those bombs this way. But again, there is a thing, if i can live my life peacefully without deploying those bombs, why should i waste my time opening up those bombs and searching for answers. That's, by the way, is another question, and it should be totally judged by a person himself/herself. Anyway, if you fail once with your decision, you know you have learnt it, maybe in little harsh way, but you will learn it for sure.

Now, coming to the questions, it's like, what should i ask myself, how should i dig myself deeper and deeper, in what way. Technically speaking, there is no hard and fast rule, i came across till date. Neither am i the most successful person ever, or some person who has achieved so much in life, to preach others, but what i have felt across in my life span till date, is that if you don't question, there are no answers. You can't just do the things. Also, you cant complicate your life thinking about every small thing. So, there must be a trade-off between this, where the peace lies. And, i think that place will come up totally with experience. I don't know whats the location of that perfect place, but what i know is that i am taking steps, and one day i'll be there.

"The destination will be found, even after wandering,

lost are those, who never left their homes"

The Aphrodite deer

It was a dark cloudy Monday. The lovely weather was making it hard to get up from the bed. But he had to go for work.

"Uggghhhh, why do these Mondays come!".

He was getting late to his work and his boss has already called him multiple times, as they were having an important meeting that day. He got ready as fast as he could. He looked up into the sky.

"Seems like it will rain very hard today".

He kissed his wife's picture and ran to his car.

"My boss is gonna kill me if I don't show up on time"

He speeded his car through those country side roads. On other days, this path was not so calm. Something was not same that day.

"Oh my god, get off my way", he shouted as he honked the horn repeatedly. But the thing didn't move. All he was able to see in this dark weather was two dimly lit lights. He stopped his car, lowered his windshield, and shouted, "Hey, just move, can't you listen". There was no movement. He got off the car, with slight anger and some fear. The thing moved a bit. It made a thud sound as if it fell down. As he proceeded towards the object, he realized it was a deer. Badly wounded, bleeding as if was hurt very badly. It was her eyes which made the shining appearance. He took a step towards the deer, feeling sorry for her condition. He caressed the dear, he could not figure out what to do.

"Shall I carry her to a hospital, but I am getting so late, but I can't leave her in such a condition.."

Deer tried to stand on her own legs, but it fell down again. Her left leg was injured very bad.

He took out his handkerchief and tried to wipe some blood off her body and lightly tied it to her legs. She tried standing again, he caught her as she was about to fall again."Oh, just lie down, you are so injured, how can you even walk". He took deer in his lap and started caressing her. "oh, I think I have some ointment in my car, I'll get it for you, you don't move till then". He looked at his watch, he was already late for more than an hour, and his clothes were stained with blood. Passing a little smile, he looked at the sky and walked towards the car. The deer tried to move a little, and a little more. When he reached there back with ointment, deer wasn't there. He saw some blood drops around, but couldn't find that deer anywhere. He looked around, but no results. It just disappeared in woods.

"Oh, where did it go, and how did it go", he was a little afraid now. "How did it appear in front of me, where did that creature go, what is this!". He ran back to his car and ran his car as fast as possible. He got a call from his boss, "I am reaching sir, I am really very sorry, I will be there in...".

Before he could complete what he was saying, his boss asked him if he is okay.  A little confused, he asked what happened. His boss told that there was an accident near the bridge an hour ago and a part of the bridge collapsed. He was right before the bridge as he ensured his boss that he was okay and cut the call.

On asking others, he got to know there was an accident on the bridge. A deer was going across the bridge and a heavily loaded truck hit the bridge while trying to avoid hitting the deer. From a distance, he saw the deer, "oh my god", the same shine in eyes, cut left leg, blood all over. He was in a deep deep shock. He could barely think or understand a thing."Was it same what I saw in woods, what in the name of God did I just witness".

After he regained his senses few moments later, he took out his wife's picture, kissed it and looked up in the sky, "thank you for saving me".

His wife loved deer, she died a year ago.

Parted but yet together

Days after they parted their ways... wait,wait,wait, did they really?

I mean what do you exactly mean by "parted their ways".

You might say like "Ummm, they decided not to be in a relationship anymore", or might be like "distance grew enough in between them to keep the two as one" or even "they started to hate each other", or might be you have even more views. But anyway, all the views create a similar picture in your mind.

Okay, let me tell you what happened really in between them. Yup, they decided not to be in a so-called relationship anymore. Oh wait, what do you really mean by a relationship? A special name like, mother, father, brother, friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. Oh, then I'll have to change my words. They were still in a relationship, with a different name of it probably, but yet similar feelings.

So, that keeps you still wondering that happened between them then.

Yeah, the distance grew in between them to keep the "TWO AS ONE". But, really was it the case? Who knows? In one way it was, but looking the other way, it wasn't. They were in a long distance relationship throughout the course, so there were very few sightings.Coming to the distance between the hearts, it might have got off balance temporarily, but all on all, it was same, with a different name but same feelings. So, even this was not the answer of "they parted their ways". Then what?

Did they start to hate each other? Well, thats a pretty hard answer to the state. You can't say really it was the case. But some habits of him annoyed her. Still that wasn't hate. That was just a little feeling, which might have helped him to change himself. Incompatible but still very compatible and comfortable.

This story seems so complex, with so many possibilities, but none being the answer, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

That's how it went between them. They were not in a so called relationship, but still very good friends. Distances remained same between them, except for the special name of their bonding. They still have had their funny names and making a mockery of each other. They were still "Two as one", but only they knew about it. No, no,no, it wasn't a secret relationship. Its just that only they knew the feeling. They never hated each other, because no cloud of hate can overtake the sun of love, never ever. They still used to have long night chats, a good sharing of laughter, approving each other's choices and, of course, a perfect companion to share the pains. Many asked a question that how can still they remain so close. But it's not needed to answer everybody, when your heart knows the right thing.

All in all, they were happy, very happy. And what else do you want from life at the end of the day, a smiling face and satisfied mind, don't you?

So explore the happiness, whatever way you get. You heart knows the right thing. Never let anyone obstruct what your gut feelings say. In the end, it's you, or maybe you two.

:) :)

Some memories and Some dreams.....

Its been a very long time since i visited my home,
Of many things i miss, you are missed most, My mom.
Once there was a day, not possible without you,
See the game of time, to what place it drew.
Even today when i am asleep at nights,
I mumble about those lovely sights.
A soft hand caressing my heads, and patting my back,
But the truth is that time can never come back.
Waiting at the entrance to wait for you Dad,
It's the way my childhood was so glad.
Teasing you my dear sister, each and every second
Probably that was God's way to make our hearts bind.
Playing with you my bro, each and every day
We are amazingly unique, maybe in our own way.
Sharing of laughter and joy throughout the time
See where it all came down to chime.
Time kept on flowing and so the people
But our relation stood like a steeple
We remained away from each other miles,
Our memories and tears kept on getting the piles.
I eagerly wait to come back to all of you
But you know, time has flew..
We can come back, but not the time
Memories can be relived, but not the ages
I love you mom, i miss your lap
I still crave to get onto your shoulders, my dad
I wanna be the one who messes up and then protects you like a wall, my sis
I am the one who will go to any extent for you, my bro

Its my family and i miss them
The distance has created a deep mayhem
Inside the hearts, i keep trying heal the wounds
But the hollowness keep on echoing the sounds
One day, yes one day, i will repair everything
And with you all, i will sing
"we are the one, we are the one"

The Facebook Love Story - II (Beginning)

Beginning

"no, its too fast, i should not,

but he seems a good guy

but.....

but it might be just he was doing this to show off

but moni told he's a good guy

should i

God, tell me, should i or shouldn't?"

June 12,2012

morning 8 am

as usual Rupesh rushed for his mobile instead of toothbrush

"bang, OH MY GOD, what a pleasant start of the day i got"

His sister: why so happy in the morning itself?

Rupesh: got some special start for the day

sis: that i can see,you stupid. first go and brush your teeth, they are giving foul smell

Rupesh: whatever

He grinned and his sis kept on guessing about his maniac behaviour.

Anyway, she had seen him doing this many a times. It wasn't something new for her to see, and that was the best thing his sister loved about him.

after few minutes

Sis: "Rupesh, so this is the reason of happiness?" she showed him his own wall post

Rupesh: "blah blah blah" and he ran away

Elder brother: "he seems to be in different world today"

Mom: "he came home after so many days, its good to see his old smile back. Its more lovely when he keeps home on a high noise, jumping all around the corners." She smiled.

Rupesh listened all this hiding behind the doors and bit of tears came out feeling the love of his family members.

He washed his face and came back to sis.

Rupesh: "did you see her profile too? Dont tell about her to anybody, there is nothing like that"

sis: "no, you keep on seeing"

Meanwhile with neha:

There was a different feeling, something different. Last night scenes were still revolving around her mind. Those some sticky, some comical, some funny, and some lovely lines, all running still there. She had a smile on her face. Not as big, broad and widespread as rupesh made for himself, but certainly she was happy and she knew what is she feeling. It was a new feeling. Something has touched over like it never happened. "No, its not love, its just a feeling. Oh, let it be, why am i wasting my time over thinking about him. But, he talks good", and again a smile there on those lips

JUNE 13, 2012

It was his sister's b'day and he was in as good mood as anything. And everybody knew, when he is in happy mood, he'll make everything so comical for you to forget every pain.

So there was the opportunity

*facebook open*
"ahan, she has got a status update

Boy-do you have pen?
Gal-no
Boy-do you have a pen, pen?
Gal-no, and if you ever asked again, i'll break your head with a hammer.
after sometimes..
Boy-do you have hammer?
Gal-no,i dont.
Boy-then, do you have pen?

A big array of comments were going to be bombarded,
he knew it
and as soon as he started, she too got to know it

His same attitude of leg pulling, her same attitude of replying a step ahead.
nothing has changed in these past TWO days

*back to late night texts*
rupesh: hey,sorry, dont mind, if i pulled your legs enough
neha: no, its okay :P
rupesh: okay, should we introduce ourselves
n: ofcourse, you begin
and they went on, with their style of FORMALITY

whole night they chatted, opening up with the likes and dislikes of theirs
as much he got to know her, he was falling more and more for her
as much she got to know him, she knew, he might be the one she searched all these days

maybe they were hurrying for their feelings
but the fire was on both sides
let the fire burn
let the lovers come more close and let them feel the heat of closeness
lets see,

just wait ;)

The Facebook Love Story - I (First Meeting)

First Meeting

June 11, 2012

Rupesh logged in to facebook that night as he always used to do before sleeping. Monica(his school friend) had uploaded a beautiful pic of some garden. Yeah it was so beautiful, oh wait, who is that girl making even beautiful comments. She looks to be funny exactly of his type.

Over inbox

Rupesh: Moni, who's that girl?

Monica: who?

R: That girl who is commenting on that pic.

M: Oh, she is my friend Neha. Why are you asking btw? ;)

R: I read her comments, OMG she looks fabulous

M: ahem ahem..

R: can i join there?

M: did i stop you?

Over pic

R: Thats so beautiful garden, hope i wish i could go there with somebody

M: ya, i can see one more person dying to go there

R: oh, who's that lucky one :D

M: Neha, you also had to go there, see you have got a company

R: i dont even know her

N: exactly, i dont even know him

M: he is rupesh, she is neha, Introduction over

     Go there and spare my beautiful pic :P

R: hey, hi neha, dont mind , i was just kidding

N: its okay,by the way this place is really beautiful

M: see you two are so nicely introduced now :P

R: :\, dont make joke of this

N: exactly moni, we were just talking :D

R: by the way, imagined a lady who will be there in a sweet green or white gown walking down those leaves     holding the hands and seeing in eyes and...

M: control rupesh control :D :D

N: wow

    and you shutup moni, he is describing good :D

R: exactly moni, relax for a bit, she is liking my suggestions

M: -_-

R: just one thing is missing

N: what?

R: the girl who will go with me

M: neha is there naa, ask her once

N: shutup moni, you are speaking anything :D

R: i'll go with my princess only

M: when did you become a prince, LOL :D

R: you leave it stupid girl, you wont understand

R: by the way neha, what are your views about going to this park

N: i'll go with my prince, my charming prince

R: ummm, somebody like Shahrukh Khan?

N: yeah, kind of

M: keep it up park people -_-

R: do you also want to come moni?

M: naah, i wont disturb you two :D

R: o.O

N: when did i accept that i am going with him?

R: :O, neither did i ask you till now

M: then why dont you ask :D

N: moniii >_<

R: by the way neha, this place looks so good in sunset naa

N: hmmm, and the bench right over there, i imagine two lovers sitting there and just seeing each others and          sinking in the eyes, that'll be so sweet

R: yeah, the charming prince and his angel princess

M: hmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm

R: i dont like bees, their humming sound is so irritating in between, LOL

N: haaa haaaa, bees please stay away from here :D

R: by the way we were in park right?

N: yeah, and see that tree with reddish leaves

R: Red is color of love

M: I told earlier also, Love is in the air

R: so what? :P

M: tie yourself you guys, this air will blow you two thin guys :D

R: huh :\ , anything, you fat girl :D, i wont invite you to park

N: yup moni, you are not invited to park now

M: excuse me, this is my pic, i'll go there

N: okay then we'll go somewhere else, you sit alone there

M: you cheater friends :\

R: okay moni, you go after us,

    btw neha, would you like to join me in that park under that magical blue sky of sunset

M: i am giving the acceptance by her side, you two guys just depart from here :D

N: moni :\ ,

     i'll think over that rupesh, :D

    but that shahrukh and idea of green gown was awesome ;)

R: thanks for accepting the praise :)

N: thanks for that

M: are you guys playing thanks thanks :D :D

N: he just said nice things to me, so i thanked him, thats called good manners moni :D

R: ya she is so sweet, thats why i thanked her

M: when did i ask you for explanations,

     well i can sense something, keep it up :D

Meanwhile in inbox:

R: who's her favorite actor?

M: i think shahrukh khan, but why..

R: just see

M: you are mad

R: no i am just liking her way of talking, just somewhat like i do

M: ahem ahem, love is in the air :D

R: dont pull my legs now, tell her favorite color

M: green i guess,not sure

R: today is going to be first meeting of green and blue,it will be written in history ;)

M: your blue and her green, ahem ahem, another love story has just formed :D

R: let it go slow, but for time being, i am liking her

Meanwhile other side:

N: who's this rupesh?

M: he is asking about you :D

N: tell me first who's he?

M: i used to tell you abut my one school friend, remember?

N: aha, ya i do

M: why are you asking :D

N: nothing like that, i just saw his comments

M: yaa i saw how you two were making comments there, and then both asking about each other

    la la lala,,, :D

N: :\ , nothing like that, he just seemed somewhat like i like to be

M: so what :D

N: nothing, but how is he guessing the exact things about my choice :O

M: he was so concerned about you, he has already asked tons of times about your choices to me :D

N: so you are behind all this :\

M: i didnt tell him exactly, i just gave him a range of choices,framing and designing was all his art and believe      me, He's a good guy, he was not just playing around...

N: okay,i just got a friend request from him

M: i told you earlier, Love is in the air, la la lala... :D

N: he's a good guy naaa?

M: yup, just relax :), you can accept the request

N: ok,i'll see,

    bye good night

One side was the boy with blue and other side was the girl with green.Facebook has brought two persons close from nowhere.Maybe it was momentary attraction, but who knew whats kept in future...

He slept with a smile on his face. It was a long time he had that smile, the smile of feelings

She slept with smile on her face,hugging her pillow hard,with a world of imagination in her mind...

Different birthday

And yes there it was, it was his birthday. Generally, a day someone waits for long to celebrate and cheer.

Whenever you think of a b'day, what comes to your mind, some gifts, friends wishing you in their own ways, cakes, party, happiness, smiles and many more like this. Everybody loves to celebrate their day.

But,was he ready to feel these on that day? If he was really willing to get up and shake hands with people wishing him or willing to celebrate with him?

NO.

There was nothing for him to celebrate. For past few days, months or say years, he was not happy, not at all. Disappointments, failures, distances, everything was breaking him down. He was losing the charm in his own life. He didn't want to smile. He didn't want to socialize. He feared to meet new people. He feared to show up the smile and share the thoughts. What he had gone through was not too much others could have seen or felt, but it was turning too much for him to handle.

He had a, say, quite different habit. Everyday, he used to sit alone for some minutes or hours under the dark night.He used to say "And,you know what this calmness of night tells me? It ensures me that I am not alone ever,at least when it is with me.When there is nobody to hold me, it is always there with open arms to embrace me and soothe me. I confess each and everything there.And when i return back to my normal life, i feel a light heart." Those few moments that he used to spend alone, were used to be his best moments of life. Slowly over the course of time,loneliness had become his best friend.

That day as clock ticked 00:00, he moved to terrace,to his best friend over the years, who was still the same through all the years. Calmly he took a chair and sat down. It was a very chilly night. Temperature dipping down, cool winds touching his eyes and few outside noises coming from the nearby buildings. But, he was very still there. Just sitting hands crossed over each other and staring the dark sky and blinking stars. There was not too many emotions on face but a little smile. This night knew what he's been all through, he had a lot to say to this night, but he was just silent to himself. Eyes closed, remembering every person he wanted to be with, but lost. Tiny droplets were coming out of his eyes.He didn't wipe them off, he just let it flow down the cheeks,probably thats how he could have let those memories go.The moments had made him so numb that he didn't even realise the weather turning more cool. The winds got stronger but he didn't move from there. There was nothing that could have separated him from his best friend that night. Slowly he started pouring all his past over there again, in a hope that all the bad things get eloped with the darkness and once again he'll come up with a light mind and heart.After around 3-4 hours, when was done with all his emotions and feelings poured, he came back to his room, but this was a different day, he was not light today.His eyes, his voice, his feelings, his heart, they were still heavy.

It was first time he felt so even after such a long session with darkness.That was just a clear answer of how much broken he was that day.

He cried again, shouted like anything. He punched walls with all his force. He slapped himself as hard as he could have done. He threw things abruptly here and there. He was still feeling broken.Losing all the energy he had inside, he just sat over the floor,and dint knew when he fell asleep.Next morning he woke up,but the wounds were still fresh. As usual he kept all his feelings inside,and with a fake smile on his face,he went ahead to tackle the day and the world out there.

There was nothing special on his birthday,except him breaking down over all the silly things once again and trying to rebuild himself.But, he has lost a part of himself forever,and with no intentions of getting it back, he decided to get up and walk like nothing happened to him ever.

It was a good decision to keep the sorrows within him,because nobody,just nobody deserves to share your problems.Its you and only you who need to understand,tackle and mould yourself out of yourself only.

I,Me and Self-belief

Have you ever wondered in your life all of a sudden, "Where am i taking my life to" or "Where my life is taking me to"?

You must have, if you are a analyst of yourself,and if not, then you must give a thought about it.

Yes, its you and only you who are best judge of yours,don't ever let anyone judge you for what you are. But that doesn't mean, you shouldn't worry about happenings of your life or you shouldn't be analysing them. You must, you must analyse yourself on a regular basis. That helps you make yourself better. But the most important point remains, "are we always correct?"

No, we might not be. But when you learn to believe yourself, you will be happy even after a wrong decision.

Why so?

Because even a wrong decision taken will full intent of getting good out of it might not give you that outcome what it should have been, but it will nourish you with an experience you will cherish for rest of your life. A lost battle doesn't remain a lost battle, instead it becomes a learning battle.

Now coming back to the question from where we started, it describes a lot about you. Which question comes to your mind, is just a reflection of your mindset.

"Where am i taking my life to" is symbolising that its your who is driving your life,and truly saying, that is the ideal way of living. Its you and only you who will be filling up the empty pages of your book. Its you who will be writing your own success and failure stories.You must be trying every time to make things as better as you can, because you know that until unless you put the efforts,you are not going to achieve the goals.

Whereas, "Where my life is taking me to" is a symbol of that you are not trying well enough,moreover it seems like you have given up. It seems like you have left things to happen on its own now. Believe me, if you are not gonna stand up for yourself,life will keep on making you walk the same path. You just cant let the things to get better on its own. You must need to put efforts.Nothing turns on its own.

All to conclude is that, yes,everybody wants to succeed in life, but ups and downs are part & parcel of the journey. But to achieve your goal, all the planning starts from where you start thinking and analysing the ups and downs of your life. A positive thinking gives you path to cross the tunnels, whereas negative path will entangle you within your own darkness.So, all where life takes you to,depends merely on where you drive your life to.

Think positive,

Be positive,

and move ahead

God and luck always favour the brave ones.

Some feelings...

And there was dark outside, some shouting voices in the dark and then there was my silent heart. A heart which was having a feeling of the outer darkness slipping inside itself. The inner environment has probably started to go black, or say blank. Blank did not mean nothing remained there, of course there was something in heart, but it was everything except what he wanted. There were sorrows, pains, wounds and all, but these were all that he had earned in course of time. Not long ago, time was much better for him. Even now, he was getting no idea, how the coin of his life turned over. All the smiles that he owned were lost somewhere with that girl.
You might be wondering who is "that girl"?
In short she was a gem, no, in fact she is still a gem. A girl who entered his life from no where and changed him like anything, however, the sad part was all the changes he could see the difference only after she was gone. Somebody has said those lines true "you only realize what you had only after its lost" . He had no words to describe her but ANGEL OF HIS LIFE.

And later that night when she chose to depart he was left numb and dumb. He could not decide what to say, what to do, how to react,  nothing, he was left blank. Maybe that's when the outer darkness slipped inside him. Later he gained senses, but maybe he had delayed the chances to recover. Irrespective of that he decided to get up and make another effort to get his angel back with her. Taking pain to talk with her again and again even when she was not interested, trying to meet her to talk to her and trying to bring a smile on her face in hope that her smile will bring her back.He did all that was in his arc, but maybe God had planned a longer wait for him.

Now you might be wondering "was it good enough to irritate her even when she was no more interested"?
He was no more in a condition to wonder whether people say it right or wrong. Only thing he had fixed in his mind that its that girl only. Anyhow he had to get that girl back, for those incomplete promises that he swore to keep and maybe failed sometimes keeping those. But yes again maybe it was God's decision to extend his wait.

It was just a matter of few days when boy had told her "if ever comes a day when i cant keep you happy, i'll slowly depart from your life to keep your smile alive" and she had replied something that transformed him like forever "if you love me so much, then instead of leaving me, hold my hand and i'll hold yours. Keep me with you forever and that's all I want" . These were the words that always asked him to hold it back for so long.

He has decided it finally, even when conditions might not be best for him, he'll be there for her forever. Even if she is not going to come back, he will keep at least  this promise to be with her in any possible way. And as he learnt from that girl, he will have faith on almighty that things will turn better someday. But he can't forget her ever, he can't leave her alone ever.

Love cant die, no matter what.......

Come Again

It was there not anything new,

With the emotions all due,

With feeling of something different,

And something that has been inherent.

Something what i tried to feel for years,

But i ended in the tears.

Failure over failure was only thing,

My all the dreams never got a wing.

I wanted to go high and fly,

Never too far was sky.

Probably it was me too shy,

Who always took a pause and sigh.

With the feet on ground,

I tried to make it sound.

It was you who then took a way to me,

Helping me with where i wanted to be.

Holding hands in hardest clocks,

And lifting me with softest talks,

Wiping off the sweat off my face,

You provided my life a grace.

Why you left me way in mid?

And from my aim,let me skid?

Without you i had been nothing all along,

All the else steps i took were wrong.

I am again there from where i started,

Lonely and feeling all departed,

Everything lost what i succeeded,

To stay along with me,i pleaded.

I was horrible with my way,

You tried to avoid me from stray,

But i don't know where i stuck,

Without you its no luck.

I want you here again,

To take away my pain

COME AGAIN

COME AGAIN

COME AGAIN....

The Fallen Walk

It was tough for me the time,
The lawn of path was too lime.
It was sad to see myself falling down,
Visible clearly on the screen was the frown.
There was nothing i could have done,
All but trying anyhow to escape and run.
Slowly slowly knees touching down the ground,
With the heart breaking loud sound.
I had lost all my courage to wake again up,
Probably something i wished for me a love sup.
After knees,my hands too knelt on the low,
It was one in my series of woe.
It was now time for my face to touch the bottom,
That was just a end of a beautiful life in autumn.
Suddenly from the heart came a sparkle then,
Sounding you cant lose before removing the stain.
You have to get up your feet,
I knew the world cant be always sweet.
Fist your hands hard to the base,
Thrust yourself up and show your grace.
Keep the heads high, b'coz you cant lose,
Tell the world,you'll be the one filling those shoes.
Shrug your shoulders and throw the past,
Gather your strengths and make a blast.
You cant change that what went,
To do better ahead,give yourself consent.

YOU WILL FALL MISERABLY AT THE TIMES,

YOU'LL HAVE TO WAKE UP AT THE CHIMES.
YOU HAVE TO WALK DOWN THE HARD ROADS,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT GIVES YOU LOADS.
WORLD WILL MAKE YOU CRAWL,MAKE YOU KNEEL,
ITS YOUR INNER STRENGTH THAT WILL MAKE YOU HEAL.
TURN YOURSELF FROM A GRASSHOPPER TO A HAWK,
YOU HAVE TO GET HEADS HIGH,AND COMPLETE YOUR WALK
A FALLEN WALK.....
A FALLEN WALK.....

Aazad bandhan

There was a long gasp of relief,

The feeling was out of belief.

I felt like fisting in air showing my victory,

But my mind said this will be contradictory.

There was a little conquer we had,

But the war we fought was really bad.

The sadness is overtaken by the joy,

I cant believe, am i the same boy.

Waking up all nights to work hard,

Seeing up the problems starred.

Chewing up pens in ecstasy,

Learning everything in a night was the fantasy.

Every moment passed like having a race,

We had no option but to face.

The hard days are over,we are free now,

But my mind says how.

Its a long journey yet to be covered,

There is a side still to be hovered.

Coming again will be the haunting nights,

Of the exams,those frightening sights.

Once again we will have to sink down the books,

Working hard day and nights keeping the hooks.

The state of freedom is momentary,

Soon will be captured by moments even more scary.

YOU ARE FREE BUT YOU DONT HAVE THE FREEDOM

TIEING YOU,WILL BE ALWAYS THERE A RESTRICTION

ITS A BANDHAN,

Lets call it AAZAD BANDHAN .....